moulinbleu Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Gees, I'm really nervous about this. We broke up 2 months ago because he wasn't ready to give me what I need (and that is to be a serious boyfriend that calls me, makes dates, cares about me - basic stuff). We started out as friends/classmates who would laugh our heads off when we are together. We could finish each other sentences. Then we complicated things by dating. I seriously fell for him. He acted very aloof about the whole thing. Except when I was in distress. If I ever had a flat tire, locked out of house, etc he was soooo happy to help. He wants to work on computers, still act like he is in a frat (he's 25 and way out of college), be pseudo-intellectual and call me 3 minutes before he wants to go out to a very romantic and classy burrito shack. His role model is Einstein. I am 29, I like to cook exotic meals, skydive and travel. He always laughed at my desire to travel. He thought I was insane for skydiving I knew it was over when he said he preferred recieving oral over having intercourse with me. He'd never once reciprocated (except for the night we broke up and decided to be intimate one last time). . . Anyways, I broke things off (he cried but he didn't fight for me), we've gone our separate ways for two months. I was sad but fortunately the time conicided with me going away to do a 12 week internship out of state. Started chatting it up with a guy back home who actually calls me more than once a week! Things were looking up. . . Then out of the blue the ex starts pestering me about wanting to travel with me. He suggests we meet in New York City for a weekend. See a show, see some exhibits, dinner, good wine the whole shabang. When he first mentioned it I was like sure, okay, sounds good, whatever. Then he persisted. He dissected our schedules and lo and behold he books tickets and hotel room etc. I am getting on the train in two hours to meet him at Penn Station. What am I doing? What is he doing? Is this going to break my heart again? If he wants to go to NY he can go with a guy friend. Why me? Gees. He so confuses me. I hope this is fun. I just don't know what to expect. Hmmm. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 If I were you, I would be wary of putting your heart back on your sleeve again. He broke it once by not being into the relationship as you are and it looked like he liked your company, physical and otherwise. My ex was the same way, he didn't love me the way I loved him and so it was for the better that I stopped seeing him, otherwise it wouldn't have been reciprocated. If you think you can handle this trip without falling for him again, go for it. But I don't think it would be safe for your heart if you go, in my opinion. Link to comment
moulinbleu Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 I am going. His train ride is 13 hours long. Mine is 1.5 hours long. I will try to not get hurt again. . . I just wish I knew his intentions. He is not into casual sex and his libido was pretty awful- so I don't think its a sex thing. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I think a low libido is a sign that he's not that interested in you romantically, sadly. It would be bad the other way around too (like my ex) because I mistook his physical-ness as emotional attachment (which it wasn't...), so I fell deep for him and instead realized that it was the exact opposite. Sigh. His intentions, I don't know. He probably still wants to be friends with you, but with you hurt it will be harder on you to continue the friendship. Link to comment
DN Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Sounds to me like he may be trying to make the changes you were looking for. Link to comment
moulinbleu Posted May 25, 2008 Author Share Posted May 25, 2008 Ouch. That might have been it. But he always said I was stunning. But attraction is based on more than that I guess. Pheromones and a bunch of other stuff plays into it too. Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 OH MY GRACIOUS GOODNESS!!! This is TEXTBOOK story of my ex Mark, aka the love of my life. I felt like the names were changed to protect the innocent but this is my story (minus the trip to New York of course.) The low libido, the calling just minutes before wanting to come over, only calling once a week, we started out as friends, laughed all the time, had a blast, then entered into a physical relationship but he didn't want a relationship, just to "kick it" and have a good time...and the preferring oral over intercourse...the whole nine yards, fits him to a T. It didn't end well for me, I figured out he never really loved me, only what I could give him. I hope it works out better for you, if you really care for him. Perhaps the two months apart is what he needed to make him rethink his priorities! Link to comment
alatas Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 Why is that 'ouch'? It refers to musicdee's post: "I think a low libido is a sign that he's not that interested in you romantically, sadly." Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 I would be very careful about this...make sure that he just doesn't want to get laid. Link to comment
moulinbleu Posted May 26, 2008 Author Share Posted May 26, 2008 Well, here is the follow up to this. We met in NY and had a wonderful time. We saw shows, ate great food, went to central park, marveled at Times Square. It was a great weekend. Sure it stirred up some emotions for me. I can't speak for him. And he didn't want sex (any more than I did), but we did sleep all curled up in a little pretzel like we used to. It felt really nice. I know for sure he is not the guy for me right now, but he is my friend and we have a wonderful time. I'll do my best to not fall for him again - I have kept things pretty much in check. But I am so glad to know that it is possible to have this kind of encounter. Thanks for all the advice. Link to comment
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