Am I wrong here?

[iceman85]

So this week, me and my girlfriend both had busy schedules and we didnt get to see each other for about a week. I really missed her and wanted to see her, so she proposed we go get dinner and see a movie she wanted to see, I said that would be great.

 

Well dinner was great except for one fact, she was texting every 30 seconds. I finally got it out of her that its this guy that she has just only started talking to since him and his girlfriend broke up. Now the history runs deep with these two she claims they are good friends but in fact they went out right before me and her started going out. He talked behind her back and said hurtful things about her, but now that all seems like it never happened and they are best of buds. So instead of starting an argument I just joked about it with her at dinner.

 

We go to see the movie and she complains the whole time shes in pain, so I ask her if shes ok and she snaps saying shes fine stop looking out for her and babying her. We get out of the movie and she starts texting AGAIN. This really got me angry, it was like she couldnt wait until she got out to text. I brought this up to her and she got mad saying that I was making an argument out of something stupid.

 

I told her its disrespectful to me, when I want to have a night just me and her that she is texting the whole time. I'll admit the fact that it was this kid made me a little angrier than if it was someone else. Anyway am I overreacting? What should I do to handle this?

[DN]

I think you are right to be concerned - it seems she has more time for her boy friend than for her boyfriend.

 

If I were in this situation I would be inclined to walk away and find someone who wanted to spend her time with me concentrating on me and not on some other guy.

[Bunney]

So disrespectful. Why are you even putting up with that?

 

I have read a couple previous threads from you about her and I have to ask - what is it that you find so great about her? She is trouble. Trust me, she's not worth the effort you put into the relationship.

 

STOP letting her treat you this way.

[GHdancer]

WOW hang on

 

yes i agree it is rude to do thhat but if u rally like her dnt pressure her into thinkin ur possesive maybe they are just catching up and she jus needs to get it out of her system and then it will be fine.

 

just don't end things before you give them a chance.

[iceman85]

Well what do I do? I brought it up and she said I was wrong, so I was mad and ignored her calls for awhile, I answered and she flipped on me.

[sib88]

truth be told, and i'm sorry if i come accross as rude, but your girlfriend just sounds way too immature for you. And by immature, I mean: not respecting you (she doesn't respect the time y'all spend together), she gets these temper tantrums for no reason, and she's taking you for granted.

 

ALSO, the big part of it is that I'm afraid that you are passively putting up with it. I'm glad you ignored her calls for awhile but when you finally and answered (and she flipped on you), whatever you said to her should have been firm-straight forward- and expressed how YOU feel. She's taking advantage of your complete and utter devotion.

[Lana0120]

You aren't overreacting. It's very rude to be in the company with a person and constantly text someone else the whole time. You were absolutely right to call her on it. How would she feel if she didn't have this buddy to text and you were texting some ex-girlfriend of yours? I doubt she'd like that very much. If she'd sent him a couple of texts, that I could have understood, but to text constantly? She was out of order.

 

She complained, you tried to offer her sympathy and help and she snapped at you? Again, that's out of order.

 

I'd watch out if I were you, as it sounds like she may be getting ready to get together with this guy, if you're not seeing each other as much and when you are together, she is less interested and snappish. Personally, I'd suggest dumping her before she dumps you and finding someone else who is worth your time.

[iceman85]

Well I agree I'm going to have to monitor the situation. I feel like this guy is trying to drive a wedge between us and I think everyone except her can see that.

 

I love her and I guess the best way to do that is by being a man and showing her who I am and if she wants to be with me she can, if not then she can hit the road even though I love her with all my heart.

 

We talked again because I told her we need to end this foolishness. Again she mentioned this kid texted her to wake her up, and im a guy im not a fool I know whats going on in his mind.

 

I don't get why people cant respect others relationships, it seems everytime I am in a relationship this happens, where other guys just feel the need to try and steal my girlfriend from me, and maybe a little of that is what is coming out right now.

 

She keeps saying that this is my fault its all in my head, that its not a big deal, she finally said she understood that it upset me, yet never apologized for it, saying she and this kid have been friends and she has every right to talk to him. I told her she can talk to anyone she wants and shes free to do what she wants she just needs to understand that I have feelings and boundaries that I want respected and I wont put up for those being crossed and abused.

 

She still seems mad at me and claims her only intentions were to be on better terms with this kid because of how they were friends and then things happened and they didnt talk. What I don't like is i've always got to deal with one guy or another becoming central to her besides me. If its not this guy, its some other guy shes talking to. I dont want to come out and just say you cant talk to other guys because thats wrong and controlling, I just don't know how to get accross what I want to without coming accross as controlling and meddling

[DN]

The only way that this guy is able to succeed in driving a wedge between you is because she is allowing him to do that.

 

Her excuse about better friends in disingenuous - because while she is becoming 'a better friend' with him she is becoming a worse girlfriend to you.

 

I would have done all the monitoring I need to do by now if I were in your shoes and would be using them to walk away.

[Bunney]

truth be told, and i'm sorry if i come accross as rude, but your girlfriend just sounds way too immature for you. And by immature, I mean: not respecting you (she doesn't respect the time y'all spend together), she gets these temper tantrums for no reason, and she's taking you for granted.

 

ALSO, the big part of it is that I'm afraid that you are passively putting up with it. I'm glad you ignored her calls for awhile but when you finally and answered (and she flipped on you), whatever you said to her should have been firm-straight forward- and expressed how YOU feel. She's taking advantage of your complete and utter devotion.

 

100% correct. I hope you're listening to what people say iceman85.

[Rabican]

Dude you need to man up on that situation. Ill bet you my next paycheck that guy has nothing but bad intentions towards your girl (bad for you.. good for him that is).

 

I would simply tell her that her behavior is crap, and disrespecful towards you. If she doesnt want a man that cares about her, and if she wants to talk to another guy when shes around you then she can go and talk to him because CYA IM OUT!! bye bye!

 

I put up with something similar at one point, we (fiance and I) later broke up in large part due to that behavior. We got back together, but I told her flat out, Im not dealing with that anymore, Id rather be alone.

You are perfectly reasonable to be upset over this, and Id be VERY suspicious of this guy.

[Rabican]

 

She still seems mad at me and claims her only intentions were to be on better terms with this kid because of how they were friends and then things happened and they didnt talk. What I don't like is i've always got to deal with one guy or another becoming central to her besides me. If its not this guy, its some other guy shes talking to. I dont want to come out and just say you cant talk to other guys because thats wrong and controlling, I just don't know how to get accross what I want to without coming accross as controlling and meddling

 

You simply tell her this bro: You know, I am your boyfriend and I think you should be more concerned with being on better terms with me because we are supposed to be in a commited relationship. If you are unable to make that focus and commitment then maybe we shouldnt be together. It seems that every chance you get you are talking to this guy, or that guy and worried about THEIR feelings but when I try to tell you how I feel you tell me Im wrong. Now Im not going to tell you what to do, or who you can or cannot talk to. However I will tell you what I expect from the girl that I choose to be with. I expect that when Im with my girlfriend that she spend that time with me, emotionally and physically... that she not be checked out in some conversation with another guy. And that my girlfriend give the same consideration for my feelings that I give for hers.

 

Tell her that, firmly but politely and see how she responds.

 

Id say the most important thing you can do at this point in your relationship is to stand up for yourself and be a man. dont be a doormat, and dont be a pushover. Do not allow her to think that you are sooooo in love with her, that you will let her get away with whatever she wants. SHe has to realize that there are boundaries. Just let her know that shes free to cross them as she wishes you wont stop her... you just wont be around afterwards.

 

Theres a difference between telling someone: you cant do this:

And telling someone, I wont put up with this: