One last email, or continue with NC?

[tihash]

Hello everyone,

 

My gf of 2.5 years and I broke up. Since last fall, she went back to college (at age 26, now 27) and made new friends and became somewhat distant. Things went especially downhill in late Feb. when she got mad at me, went to work and got drunk there (works in a bar), and did some disrespectful things. Since then, and until about 2 weeks ago, we were still talking, and were trying to reconcile. We agreed not to see other people during the reconciliation.

 

The last few weeks before the final break-up were weird. Bascially, she would start a fight in the daytime, then cancel our plans for that night, then text me around midnight or 2am and say she was sorry for being mean, sorry for acting weird, and that she loved me a lot. Then, the next day, the same thing over again.

 

The final straw was when she cancelled on me on May 8 because she had to visit her sick grandmother in the hospital. Turns out this was a total lie and she apparently had been with friends at Starbucks. About the lie, she said that "you give me no choice."

 

I told her that we should take a break and not speak for a week. She said OK, and we both understood it to mean that we were still bf/gf, we were not to date others, and we were trying to working things out.

 

Within a few days, she changed her Myspace profile to "single," and deleted all pictures of me. When i noticed this, I logged into her account (she had given me the password long ago but probably forgot she did) and saw an email to a friend of her that works at Starbucks that said:

 

"Don't worry, if things workout with this guy I will bring him up! We will see..."

 

I took it to mean she met someone, her friend heard about him from other friends and wanted to know when she'd bring him to Starbucks to meet her Starbucks friends.

 

I called my gf after reading this. She was somewhat hostile towards me on the phone, before I even brought up Myspace. She wasn't happy to hear from me... she said, "I thought we weren't supposed to talk until Sunday!" I told her about the change in status and pics on Mysapce, and she said she was just mad at me. I apologized for looking in her account, then told her about the email I found. She yelled and screamed about me looking in her account, then aid her friend posted a comment and she "accidentally" deleted it and the email was a reference to a fictional character in a book. Seems like a total lie to me.

 

Anyhow, I told her I loved her, did not believe her story, and that we needed to go our separate ways.

 

She emailed me the next night (late at night again): "I want you to know I love you so, so much. And that I miss you."

 

I wrote back the next day and was angry. My email basically was along the lines of how can you say those words to me while you are seeing someone else... how could you change to single and delete my pics when we agreed to give it a week and stay faithful then talk... etc.

 

She writes back and says, "There is no other guy. I love you."

 

That was a week ago, and was our last contact.

 

I miss her terribly, and want what we used to have (thing seemed about perfect for our first 8-9 months together, but that was a long time ago). I was convinced we would be getting married and live happily ever after (after she snapped out of this weird mood she had been in).

 

Do I send her one last email along the lines of I love you, I wish things had been different, I can't be friends with you but if you want to ever reconcile, let me know... even though that is breaking NC??

 

If it is over for good, I guess breaking NC will just set me back. But at least I can rest assured I left things in a positive way.

 

WHat I am saying is I didn't leave things the way I wanted in the last contact I had with her... should I fix that now, or just continue with NC?

[DN]

Continue with NC because you still won't leave things on a positive note. The problem is that she's a liar and a cheat and that can never be positive.

 

Best to get over her as quickly as possible and find someone truthful and faithful.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would leave it alone...she has clearly been disrespecting you and walking all over you. She needs time to really miss you and be accountable for her rotten actions. I think you have made it very clear that you really care about her but her actions are inexcusable and you won't be treated like that. I don't think there is really anything more to say to her until she acts like an adult. You can't reason with and adult who behaves like a child.

[darkblue]

The answer is always always to continue with NC. By emailing him 'one last time' you would be keeping a door open. A door that you must close in order to heal.

 

As a smoker who has many times tried to quit, I have always been inticed by that 'one last cigarette'...

[AwdreeHpburn]

I personally think you should stand your ground.

 

An e-mail saying you love her and miss her and wish things were as they were will be seen as you, wrapped around here finger, whether true or not.

 

If you feel the need to make contact, I suggest you say that you are hurt, and need some time away but that you hope someday to be able to talk again - or something along those lines.

 

I suggest you take the strong, take charge of your situation, position. Not the victim, but not the caver either. Does that make sense?

 

I have no idea her side of the story but if your side is the more true of the two, than I am of the opinion that she is playing you because she knows she can.

 

I think you did the right thing by saying it needed to end. Stick to that! Its ok for her to know that you don't HATE her, but don't let on, just yet, that you're ready to go back to the way things were.... cos you will.

[arcadefire]

Don't contact her again. I made the mistake of sending the last email to my ex and was agonizing over every little word and detail. After I clicked send I was still agonizing his response. I grew tired of waiting for one. I already got it.

 

NC. She doesn't love you. Actions speak louder than words.

[tihash]

Thank you for the replies.

 

She knows I love her... that is why I didn't break up with her before this final straw. I wanted things to work, even though she was treating me so poorly.

 

If there is any hope of her changing her life, respecting me, and reconciliation, she needs the time apart to miss me.

 

And if we are over forever, then contactingher will only set me back.

 

Still, my mind keep playing tricks on me... wanting to me say something to keep that door open.

 

I guess the truth is she knows how to get ahold of me... and if she really wanted to, she would. She doesn't need a special invitation.

 

She is probably dating another guy, and that is why she doesn't need any contact with me.

 

I need to have more self-respect!!

[xtiarax]

I made the mistake of contacting and contacting my ex who i split with a week ago and i am still doing it for some reason but it makes them not reply as a lot of people are telling me that it pushes them away even more and since i split with my guy he has sent me two texts but i have sent him more and it will not make him miss me as he is receiving texts and letters and emails from me and he knows that i miss him and still like him and if i do not contact him for a week or so he may think im with someone else and i never know he may contact me and she may you if she thinks that you are not bothered contacting them gives them a big ego boost and will make them just ignore you