ex making contact TWICE now...

[sparrow]

He called me and told me he missed me. Then, there was a long Myspace message today about how he's "finding it hard to live on this planet without me," but that he didn't want to screw with my head. That he's depressed, lost, feels pointless, etc. That he's distracting himself with too many activities because if he doesn't, he has to face all the "sad" things that creep into his thoughts. He told me he worries about me and misses me, AGAIN.

 

There was a lot more about other stuff, but... I just don't know what to feel. Today it will have been 2 months since our break up, and I just don't know because we've broken up twice before in the span of 4 years and I feel like he just. doesn't. get. it. How did he expect to feel after breaking it off AGAIN? It rather confirms that he didn't exactly think things through, but I guess one doesn't have to think things through when they have an array of 23 year old girls throwing themselves at him. He started hooking up with random people a WEEK after we broke it off. And he expected THAT to make him happy?

 

I found it rather offensive that he would talk about how depressed HE'S been. I'M the one in therapy, trying to figure out why I ended up in a relationship with someone who can't communicate and who has a problem with women... there were lots and lots of special moments, and we did have a spiritual connection, but everytime it seemed like we were making strides towards a big commitment, he would get scared and "need space."

 

I did text him back, hours and hours later. Something about the moon. I'm sort of regretting texting him at all, but I was out and had a few drinks.

 

Some advice.... he could just be being manipulative and selfish and this email could have been because he was feeling down IN THE MOMENT, which seems to be the only reference point he really operates from. Who knows... tomorrow he could be feeling spectacular.

 

He's a giant committmentphobe who swings from one polarity to the other, and I honestly think he thinks that I'll always be there for him in dark times. I WANT to be, but to what expense?

 

I miss him so much, of course all I can think about is: it's his last night in town for a while before he goes on tour. I wish I could just sleep on his shoulder again... my special spot. Breathe him in... but I can't. It wasn't my decision to break things off, it was his. Doesn't he remember that??

[greywolf]

I know what you mean. My ex has told me how I have hurt her with the things I've said. (me?? she broke up with me)

I honestly don't know what their point is in doing those things. Maybe they just miss getting emotional support from us.

 

I know it's hard but it'll eventually go away.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

One can attribute great significance to such a contact, or it could be he was drunk and nostalgic, and horny and lonely and hoping for a little friends with benefits sex.

 

But here is a big note: HE IS FEELING SORRY FOR HIMSELF NOT YOU. He's depressed, he's sad, but he's still the same person!

 

You only take it seriously if he gets past the 'i feel this' and 'i feel that' and begins talking about what he did wrong to get to this place, and what he intends to do to change, and how he intends to be a different person in the future, and that he wants to seriously get back with you and make the changes needed to have a good relationship.

 

I see none of that there. He's just having a maudlin, self absorbed moment, but he's still out there sleeping with a truckload of girls that are NOT you.

 

Some people will do this forever if you let them. Perhaps whenever he gets in the mood to sleep around, he dumps you for a while, then when he's had his fill he does the 'poor little me' routine and you go rushing back to comfort him and it starts over til the next time he wants to do a runner.

 

Honey, i know you want to be in your 'special spot' on his shoulder, but remember, that special spot has been occupied by herds of other girls so it's not so special, is it? You won't be smelling his special smell, you'll be smelling someone else's perfume.

 

Of course he knows he broke it off... but he also knows what gets you running back into his bed again when he's bored or lonely or horny. Don't fall for it. It will pass, and he'll be right back to the cheater he's always been, and you'll be getting dumped again before too long. Move on, heal, find someone who doesn't have these problems.