she says she loves me and wants to get back together someday

[starblubber]

Ok I need some advice guys.

 

I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months now and we've lived together for 6 months. We've been friends for about 5 years and I knew the first time I laid eyes on her that she was the one for me. She has a baby that's 1 and a half years old that's not mine and I love both of them so much, like the kid was my own. In a way they've become my family. Things have been weird this past month and she's been really distant. I found a note that she wrote to herself about a week and a half ago saying she really likes being with me but misses her ex. I confronted her about this and she said she does have feelings for her ex still but she loves me more than she ever did him and only has these feelings and misses him because they had a baby together. This guy cheated on her so many times when they were together, made up lies about her when he found out she was pregnant, has only done the bare minimum like buying 1 bag of diapers a month and 1 carton of milk and if he does call he's calling to hit on her he's not calling for his kid. We had a long talk and we were gonna work things out but a week went by and she was housitting for some people for a week and I thought things were gonna get better. But my girlfriend broke up with me this past saturday through an email which I thought was rather cowardly, she says she thought about things the past week and needs time by herself to figure out her feelings. Normally with most breakups the person tells you it's over and they don't have those feelings for you anymore. My ex tells me she really loves me and wants to be with me again but she needs time to figure out stuff by herslf and find out what she wants and who she is but then in the next breath she says she doesn't know how long that will take or if it will happen.

 

Why is she telling me she loves me and wants to be with me again but then says she doesn't know if that will happen. How am I supposed to deal with this or move on knowing that? How do I move on knowing that? I love her so much. What do I do? How do I win her back? How do I let her go knowing she loves me and wants me back someday? What if I wait and she doesn't take me back after I wait for so long? How do I show her that I am what she wants and not him? She's confused. What do I do. This isn't just some crush I have on this girl, I love her more than life. I know in my heart that she's the one. How do I fight for her? This is pretty messed up. At least other girls I've dated that have broke up with me have told me flat out it's over and they don't have feelings, yah it hurts but at least I had closure and could move on. How do I move on this time after she tells me she loves me and wants to be with me but says it could take 2 weeks to 6 years to figure stuff out. It's not fair. She told me she thinks she made a mistake but needs time. I'm so confused.

 

I'm hurting so bad, I almost feel like I wish I was dead, obviously I would never do anything like that but it's just how bad I'm feeling. What do I do? Do I wait? Do I move on? How do I move on after she said there's still a possibilty? Confused confused confused...

 

I need advice? Has this ever happened to anyone else? What do you guys think? I need help with this

[ouch1607306447]

Hello and please allow me to tell you that I really do ache for you. I have too am currently on the dumping end of a relationship with a man that i love and i can attest to the pain that fills your every waking second. What has helped me to cope as of late is to list all of his flaws and the things that i dont like about him. It was actually a rather long list. He talked to his mother like crap, he had horrible credit, he drinks to much, etc. Each time i felt bad i would read these things and it really did help. I can help you with your list. 1. she dumped you by email 2. she was never really over her ex and he was a creep so it is obvious that she does not have good judgement. 3. Who needs a ready made family . someday you want kids of your own. Better to start that without the eventual drama of having to deal with that childs father.....YOu get the idea. But whatever you do dont beg her back! If the guy that she is still 'confused' is as you say then she will be knocking on your door soon enough. SHe sounds young (under 20) and as she matures someone like you will be so important to her and her child. By then hopefully you will have moved on ....and as for the email if you have not done so already read it again... Is there any chance that she blind copied it to him? ANyway i know that you dont really want to hear this and you probably dont believe me right now but you can do MUCH BETTER! DONT FORGET TO MAKE THAT LIST!

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

I would take control of the situation. Make a list of all the things you want to try with her and set the list out against time. Example:

 

1) Tomorrow I'd like to tell her how I feel about her

2) Next week Wednesday I'd like to repeat that and share my concerns

3) Friday I am going ask her out for dinner...

4) Etc.

5) Etc.

 

Then make clear statements of what you want to achieve each time and what you want to achieve in the end (that's obvious: after the list has completed you'd like to be together again or have sight wether it's gonna happen or not).

 

If you don't have any results or satisfying results after you completed the list, I think it's safe to say that you tried everything. May be by then it's time to let go and take control of your life in a different way.

 

I hope this helps you a bit.... Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

[sean91607306444]

i think shes going back to the jerk,and if it doesnt work,she wants to keep trusty old you on the backburner.she knows you will always be there for her.why she would go back to him and who she loves more i cant say.it sucks being used.

[juno]

I know exactly hou u feel because Im in the same situation here. She told me she doesnt know what to do 'cause she needs time to herself but said only time will say what is the best relationship for both of us. As the idiot that Im im still waiting for her although she ignores me cold. every time I send her an email she just asnwers with. "Good morning, have a nice day"

 

I remember she told me sometime ago that she still keeps in touch with her ex and they are kind of fixing things. But I turned a blind eye to it, now that she is not here Im in pain. This situation is so painful.

 

Id really like to have a girlfriend that loves me only.

 

Good luck and try to undestand she is not the one for u.

[meeshelle610]

Just wanted to say I am going through the same thing. My ex boyfriend calls me everyday and frequently tells me he loves me and thinks I may be "the one". he hopes we get back together someday and says he's never loved someone as much as he loves me. He says he loves to be around me, I am his BF and the sex is great. So, what is his problem? he says he needs to find himself. I keep thinking he will find it and realize he wants to marry me. But, it's been 4 months of this now and I've offered and tried everything I can think of... yet he remains indecisive. I asked him last week if he will ever figure it out and he said probably not. He won't make a decision until he just feels something needs to change.

So, my plan of action is to completely ignore him and see what happens. I do not have the courage to tell him to never call me again... so I hope this way he will just slowly fade out and one day be gone for good.