redhotchilipepper Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Ok guys Im really feeling weird inside right now after reading this...I havent talked to her in 4 months absolute NC and she just sends me this email today now after reading it I dont know whether to respond back to her or what to do Just to let it be known I never lied to her about women or cheating it was something totally different but she couldnt deal with it then so here it is. _____________________________________________________________ hey... as * * * * ed up as this may sound... i still have feelings for u.. i think about u all the time.. and i want u to know this.. cuz life is short and if i were to die today or if i never got to speak to u again.. i would want u to know that u were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.. i keep thinking that if i meet other people i would learn to move on and forget bout u.. but its not happening.. i wish things turned out differently.. i wish u were still mine... i wish u never lied to me.. i wish u were here with me right now to tell me that everything will be ok.. i wish my heart didnt hurt as much as its hurting right now... i wish that u could be with me on my birthday... i wish soo much.. but i know it will never happen again.. i just want u to know how i feel.. i dont mean to get in the way of ur life.. i just truly wish u the best and i know that if u were in my life i would be the happiest girl alive.. .. there are certain things in life we cant change... and my feelings for u will always be there.. no matter how old i get u will always be in my heart. . . ive wanted to tell u this a LONG time ago.. but i never had the guts to do so.. its been hurting me soo much lately and the memories of us are making me cry... weve had soo many great memories and being with someone for 3 years is not easy to forget or just throw away... i dont want u to feel sorry for me or anything like that... i just want u to know that ur the greatest guy i have ever met.. and u will always remain in my heart till the day i die.. missing u always, ******** if there was one thing i could change about my past... i wouldnt cuz i know that being with u for the 3 years was the best 3 years of my life. Link to comment
postscript Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 How are you feeling? Do you miss her? Have you moved on? Who broke up with who? Need more background info, but it is clear this woman still really loves you and wants to be with you. Link to comment
Brokenhearted1607307810 Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 How are you feeling? Do you miss her? Have you moved on? Who broke up with who? Need more background info, but it is clear this woman still really loves you and wants to be with you. I agree with postscript /sad Link to comment
postscript Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Yeah exactly. I'm not sure why you are confused. It's obvious what she wants, and unless you don't want to be with her at all, or she broke up with you and you've already healed and she's just opening old wounds, then what you need/want to do should be clear. If you want her back, I think she was pretty much saying she's always there for you and will be with you again if you're willing to. If you are looking at it in a positive way, and her e-mail made you feel good, tell her how you feel. Link to comment
redhotchilipepper Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 Well the problem is that I thought I was over her...I mean yeah I still think about her every now and then but once I read that email I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt really nice after reading it but nervous at the same time because I havent talked to her in 4 months. I still love her but Im afraid of trying again with her because she has dated 2 or 3 guys since we broke up and I dont know whether or not shes just saying that because she hasent had a chance to properlly heal yet. I have not gone out with anyone I just did my own thing and kept myself busy with family and friends. I really dont know what to say to her. Im mad at her too but at the same time Im still wondering what I should do...I know it looks obvious from the outside perspective but it feels hard for me...Part of me wants to be with her really bad but the other part is saying no...:sad: I guess the part Im most confused about is first she sais she doesnt want to get in the way of my life which I thought meant to just keep doing what Im doing but then after she sais if you were in my life I would be the happiest girl alive so thats telling me she wants me to be with her so thats whats confusing me. Link to comment
pumpkinmoon Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 I think you should have a long think about what you want, is she worth trying again? If so then tell her how you feel and maybe suggest trying again ans see what she says. If she says no after sending you an email of that kind then there is no point, at least though if you decide to talk to her about it you will know one way or another. Link to comment
postscript Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Okay, I can't tell you if what she is saying is purely because she is lonely and just misses what she had with you, or if she honestly wants to be with you again and wants to make it work. Only you will be able to find that out. I think you and her really need to talk, she obviously does have a lot of feelings left for you, or she wouldn't have bothered with the e-mail. Her dating other guys was her way of getting over you, and it didn't work. If you do talk to her, you don't need to rush into anything. Take it slowly, tell her how you feel, exactly what your last post said. Tell her you don't think she has healed yet, tell her you spent four months working on yourself and making yourself happy and you got over it, and now she's suddenly back in your life and you don't know if you want to risk it again. Link to comment
billy v Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 There are some days when I wish I would open up my email and get a message from my ex like that. Im not sure what to tell ya ChillPepper but maybe ask her to grab some coffee or something...just have alittle get together to talk about the time you've had away from eachother and such. If you're ready and wanting to that is... Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 I think she phrased it that way because she is scared and fearful of rejection... she is stating that if you've moved on (and maybe seeing someone) she doesn't want to interfere but she is recognizing what her loss was. Don't respond right away. Take some time to digest what has happened, what was said, and how you feel. Me - personally - I'd respond to the butterflies... It's a risk to put yourself out there - you have to accept you might get hurt again or it might be the best thing you ever did. Think about your past relationship. What would have to change to make it work? Is that possible? Good Luck Link to comment
tomtommyboy Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 "i know it will never happen again" Just ask yourself why she wrote that - this isn't at all cut and dry and there's ambiguity there too. Like the others, I think we'd need more information to know exactly what you should do with this...but don't forget that line above. Link to comment
redhotchilipepper Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 There are some days when I wish I would open up my email and get a message from my ex like that. Im not sure what to tell ya ChillPepper but maybe ask her to grab some coffee or something...just have alittle get together to talk about the time you've had away from eachother and such. If you're ready and wanting to that is... To be totally honest with you I felt that EXACT same way...I was actually praying that she would contact me but now that she did its not what I expected it to feel like...I actually feel worse... I know she told me not to feel bad for her but I actually do feel bad. I feel like if I reply and get her hopes up I will hurt her again but at the same time I feel like if I dont she will be even more upset and wonder why I never made any attempt to reply. I really do love her alot but Im worried because there is so much stuff that happened. Alot of outside forces that didnt want us to be together...I will def take some time to think about this and what I want to do here... Thanks everybody this is the greatest forum ever Link to comment
musashi Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 It has been 2.5 months for me and I would give my left arm to receive an email like that from my ex - as I am sure most of us broken hearted lackies would. I am sure my head would spin and my heart would dance rythms I could not interpret but I still long for it. Reading your previous posts, you said that you guys broke up because of external circumstances beyond your control. What are you going to do? I cannot offer advice because I do not know the whole situation. I do know that I would jump all over that chance. To me it sounds like she really really loves you and wants to be with you. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 This is a classic 'feeling you out' email. She's letting you know her feelings, and is hoping you'll call her and want to talk about it. I think if you are ambivalent and might want to try again, you should call her and talk to her about it. Ask her if she wants to try again (if you do too). People usually backtrack a little when writing things like this because they are afraid they are hanging out there emotionally exposed and caveat it a bit to give you and themselves the option to opt out. But i think she is trying to build a bridge here, and it is up to you whether you want to cross it or not. Link to comment
redhotchilipepper Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 Well Im a little confused now because I checked her facebook and it sais that she is "Married to ......." I dont know if thats a joke or what but I looked at some of her pictures she looks like she is pretty close with someone but its hard ot tell whether they are just friends or if they are dating... Im worried about giving it a try and then I find out she is dating someone... She wouldnt type me a message like that if she was seeing someone would she? EDIT : I just found another website she is registered to and it sais that she is dating someone so now Im confused Link to comment
redhotchilipepper Posted May 18, 2008 Author Share Posted May 18, 2008 This is the message I sent her...tell me what you guys think I think its pretty straight forward and it leaves room for either one of us to say what we feel yet its not intrusive. _______________________________________________ Hey to you too.... Well after reading that I have to say its really nice to hear how you feel...it made me happy to know that you still care about me and think about me but I dont think its a bad thing...its not fu**ed up to feel that way about someone...you should know that. One thing I learned is that meeting other people might numb the pain for a short period of time but it never truly heals your heart and what you feel for someone else...only time and dealing with the pain on your own can ever make you stronger which is what really helped me alot...I never felt the need to turn to another girl after being with you because I knew I would only think of you and it wouldnt be fair to hurt someone else like that. I know that I did lie to you in the past and I made mistakes but I think its fair to say that nobody is perfect...we both lied to eachother about things we did but we are only human...we all make mistakes but the important thing is to learn from out mistakes and I can honestly say that I learned so much from you and even when we broke up being alone. I hate the fact that you think your getting in the way of my life because your truly not...I would never hate you or tell you to leave me alone and truly MEAN it. If I ever did it was a lie because I was upset. Im glad you wish me the best and I also wish you the best with whatever you come accross in your life. I had so much fun dating you it was honestly some of the greatest days of my life so I think we are on the same page about that. I still think about you too and somedays its more than others...sometimes its really strong and I cant think about anything else because when you spend 3 years with someone your right you cant just forget about them otherwise that would mean we have no hearts. I know you wish for alot of things but we all do...I wish you gave me more time to change and be a better boyfriend but theres nothing I cant do to change what happened...all I can do is say Im sorry but I know that doesnt mean much to you. Im sorry that we ended a great relationship over a stupid phone call but we let our egos get in the way and thats not what I wanted to happen. There is so much I want to say to you but I find it hard to express myself through words because emotions mean so much more... Im just going to let you know that Im open to you and I want you to feel comfortable with me...if there is ever anything you need or want to talk about you can count on me now. But I also want you to know that sometimes its not going to be easy and we might come accross a situation where we disagree but thats part of life, right? Working things out together and making relationships stronger because if everyone always left eachother when they argued this world would be a lonely place dont you think? Miss you Anthony xoxoxo Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Well Im a little confused now because I checked her facebook and it sais that she is "Married to ......." I dont know if thats a joke or what but I looked at some of her pictures she looks like she is pretty close with someone but its hard ot tell whether they are just friends or if they are dating... Im worried about giving it a try and then I find out she is dating someone... She wouldnt type me a message like that if she was seeing someone would she? EDIT : I just found another website she is registered to and it sais that she is dating someone so now Im confused It's hard to say what that means... my website says I'm dating someone too... I just didn't want creepy people asking to be my friend!!! LOL!!! I used it as a detrent. So you never know!!! Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 If you are open to the possibility of reconciling, please consider getting out of email/text/phone land and set an in person meeting. Otherwise you and she both will be hyperanalyzing these contacts, and things both of you say will be open to misinterpretation. My take on it would be to tell her that as long as she is dating others, there is really no need of further contact. She has obviously gone out and salved the breakup by dating, a mistake, but a common one. For all you know, her reaching out to you is a result of being rejected by one of the new guys, an intolerable guessing game for you to be subjected to. Best wishes. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 Who broke up with whom? I think you are right in that love may not be enough. Sometimes too much damage succombs the relationship and it just can't be undone. Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 ... I strongly disagree with this. I have been this woman. She meant the things she wrote. The dating is her way of trying to move on, which she can't do because she still loves you. Then she needs to acknowledge this and stop the dating while she and OP explore things, fair? Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 ...yet she is still dating others, so why shouldn't he question her sincerity? To be more blunt, if I got an email such as what OP got from a woman who had been and continued to date while writing it, I'd meet her in person just to laugh in her face... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 18, 2008 Share Posted May 18, 2008 ...yet she is still dating others, so why shouldn't he question her sincerity? To be more blunt, if I got an email such as what OP got from a woman who had been and continued to date while writing it, I'd meet her in person just to laugh in her face... I agree. If she is serious she needs to stop dating. The fact that she is sounds like she is trying to play all of her cards and end up with whomever she likes the best at the end of her trial run. Link to comment
redhotchilipepper Posted May 22, 2008 Author Share Posted May 22, 2008 I agree. If she is serious she needs to stop dating. The fact that she is sounds like she is trying to play all of her cards and end up with whomever she likes the best at the end of her trial run. You are so right... I took a chance and thought that maybe she actually came around. I met up with her at the mall so we could actually talk face to face. I can honestly admit that I felt sooo much more relaxed being in her presense than I was prior to this because I was totally infactuated with her still. But this time she was the one making moves trying to get a little closer to me but I reminded her that she has a boyfriend and it wouldnt be right for us to touchy feely with eachother. She then starts telling me about how her current boyfriend is contorolling and manipulative towards her and this just got me upset for her safety and towards him aswell. She told me she really wants me in her life and that she wants to break up with this guy. She told me she stopped answereing his phone calls and we both agreed to see where things would go with us. With that being said it was her birthday today. I actually put together a video on youtube with pictures of us together with backround music and at the end of the video I wished her a happy birthday. I thought it was a nice gesture and very thoughtful rather than sending an ecard. So I tried calling her in the morning without any luck. I also left her a message wishing her a happy birthday but I didnt get any response and this it totally unlike her. She always calls me back unless...well unless something is wrong obviously. So she finally called at 10pm telling me after she finished class she met up with her girlfriends and went out for a drink. I asked her why she didnt have any time to call and she just said "I dunno I totally forgot" Something tells me she was with her boyfriend whom she supposedly wanted to get rid of and assured me she would do so if we were to try and see where things would go in between us. I told her to be honest with me and that would be the only way for things to work but I have such a STRONG gut feeling inside that she was with him for her birthday. I cant possibly think of any other reason as to why she wouldnt call me back especially after leaving her a message unless she was with him and was afraid of him knowing that we were speaking...oh and let me mention she told me he is a very jealous guy. I just want to find a way to tell her straight up I dont want to play games. Im sick of waiting around for people while they clean up there mess and Im not willing to give her the best of both worlds. To top this all off once I log into my facebook I see that her Relationship Status mysteriously changed from single to Dating again from the time we met up at the mall to the time she called me. What should I do? What would you do? Link to comment
Belle Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 looks like served was right. What would I do? I would want someone like myself who is capable of moving on from a relationship without having to involve 2, 3, 4+ people before I realize that who I had to begun with was a potential keeper. Even if he did make (not egregious)mistakes. In other words, I wouldn't want someone back who is that selfish and needy. Link to comment
npc24 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 WHO DUMPED WHO HERE? what i would give to receive that email from him, the one that dumped me. Link to comment
npc24 Posted May 22, 2008 Share Posted May 22, 2008 your letter was very nice by the way Link to comment
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