barbielovesmac Posted May 14, 2008 Share Posted May 14, 2008 Maybe this is me letting go? I don't know. I just need to vent and write about it... I truly, genuinely loved him. I know that I loved him. I would've walked this world for him. I stood by him through thick and thin and would've continued to do so. So, where did I go wrong? What did I do wrong? Did he just wake up one day and decide he didn't want me anymore? Or was it boiling inside of him for god knows how long? To me, It was a shock. When he was just waiting for it. I thought everything was okay, I thought we were okay. But I guess in his eyes we were not. We were just living a lie. My happiness was based on his lies. Then in a matter of minutes [i kid you NOT] it all came crashing down. Now, more then 1,000 miles away I am consumed with HIM more then I was when I was back home. If it's not text messages...then it's what I heard. If it's not what I heard then it's his texts. I don't respond to his text messages, yet he's still sending them. He sent one just lastnight telling me how he can't get me off his mind, but that he can't ever be with me. I didn't respond. I am just soooo confused. No, there is NO going back. We're not getting back together...but it still confuses me and yes after almost 3 months, it still hurts a little. Breathe Barbie, Breathe. Link to comment
NoPainNoGain Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 You should change your number and all that jazz... Link to comment
Missempty Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 love conquers everything, but time heals everything. you've lasted 3 months! Wow, that is impressive, a little bit longer and you'll be totally feeling ok and be the confident self that you are again! Btw, I think he needs closure, if he is a nice person and always treated you right for the most part (pre-break up), maybe you can consider granting him the closure that he wants. If he was being a jerk to you sometimes, let him suffer! Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 missempty, he never treated me right. Link to comment
NoPainNoGain Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Sarah jessica Parker is looking kinda good after a few beers lol Link to comment
jengh Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 wow, I can't believe it's been three months already. you've been handling things very well. The only other thing I'd do is change my number. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Just hang in there. Three months is still relatively short and takes a bit to shake off the effects of the EX, unless you never loved him. But seeing as you're riding an emotional perfect storm and have enough reasoning and common sense to vent on here instead of contacting the EX, than I would say you're two steps ahead of the game. Keep it up and I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Link to comment
blueangel Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I am almost exactly where you are. " you have to stop lying to yourself and stop hoping she will come around because in all likelyhood, she wont." Is what my friend dan said to me about my ex. It's so hard not to keep waiting, holding on...you feel loyal in some way, you feel like you are analyzing it like you need to so you can understand, you feel like you are waiting because you gave everything with them- why not continue to give everything now? But looking back...did that person give you as much as you gave them? They surely had their moments, but were your needs fully returned in the ways you gave to them? I have found if I look past my feelings, this person never really responded in a way I would have responded to myself. Meaning- in all my givings, they did not fill any expectations I had. Yet, the love inside kept me from caring about that. So it became unequal in some respects and before I knew it, the person just left. I could lie to myself and say I didnt see the warning signs. But I did. I just wouldn't believe them. Next time you'll know better. That is all you can take from this. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 Can anyone explain why he gets so butt chapped at the fact that I am talking to other guys??? When he practically left me for miss track chick?? He is soooo concerned and acts like I am some HORRIBLE person for already talking [just talking] to someone else. Yet he was out with her before we were even broken up and the day and everyday since we've been broken up. Told me he was in LOVE WITH HER. TOLD ME HE WAS HAVING SEX WITH HER. SAYING THAT SHE NEEDS HIM. And he even has the nerve to come at me with this stuff. Is this some sort of disorder or something?!??! whyyyy??? Link to comment
blueangel Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 missempty, he never treated me right. Then he never had the heart to love you in the first place. There are just some people closed that way that we can't understand. It's not your fault. Link to comment
blueangel Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Can anyone explain why he gets so butt chapped at the fact that I am talking to other guys??? When he practically left me for miss track chick?? He is soooo concerned and acts like I am some HORRIBLE person for already talking [just talking] to someone else. Yet he was out with her before we were even broken up and the day and everyday since we've been broken up. Told me he was in LOVE WITH HER. TOLD ME HE WAS HAVING SEX WITH HER. SAYING THAT SHE NEEDS HIM. And he even has the nerve to come at me with this stuff. Is this some sort of disorder or something?!??! whyyyy??? Sounds like he has an EGO. He needs to both protect it (getting jealous of you talking to other guys) and flaunt it (telling you all the inappropriate details of him and his new relationship) Link to comment
blueangel Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Ok so from what you've said before It sounds like it is all about him. I dont like that he didnt treat you right. If those two things above are true, it explains why you gave so much. You felt you needed to in order to feel love. In some way, by giving....you were loving yourself by being such a good person. You took some pride in that perhaps? But at the same time, hurting yourself because this person wasn't as giving back. I dont like that he cheated on you and then rubbed it in your face. Honestly, this sounds like him as a person isn't morally stable and YOU DESERVE BETTER just based on those few things. "Sometimes we have to forget what we feel and remember what we deserve." also A person can get over anybody. Remember that as well. Especially if that person wasn't as wonderful as they could have been. Maybe watch P.S. I Love You sometime. It puts value into how love is given as well as deals with the emotions of loss. I recommend that and some healthy low-fat icecream tonight. Maybe with a good girl friend. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Can anyone explain why he gets so butt chapped at the fact that I am talking to other guys??? When he practically left me for miss track chick?? He is soooo concerned and acts like I am some HORRIBLE person for already talking [just talking] to someone else. Yet he was out with her before we were even broken up and the day and everyday since we've been broken up. Told me he was in LOVE WITH HER. TOLD ME HE WAS HAVING SEX WITH HER. SAYING THAT SHE NEEDS HIM. And he even has the nerve to come at me with this stuff. Is this some sort of disorder or something?!??! whyyyy??? It's simple. He sees you as a possession of his. Link to comment
Missempty Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Can anyone explain why he gets so butt chapped at the fact that I am talking to other guys??? When he practically left me for miss track chick?? He is soooo concerned and acts like I am some HORRIBLE person for already talking [just talking] to someone else. Yet he was out with her before we were even broken up and the day and everyday since we've been broken up. Told me he was in LOVE WITH HER. TOLD ME HE WAS HAVING SEX WITH HER. SAYING THAT SHE NEEDS HIM. And he even has the nerve to come at me with this stuff. Is this some sort of disorder or something?!??! whyyyy??? He is such a jerk!!!! You deserve much better than this!!!!!!!!!!!! let him suffer and yes, like many others have already said, change your number, it might be a good closure for yourself. I totally believe in closure and I think the reason why most people contact their ex because they need closure. You are wayyyy ahead of the game by not even wanting to contact your ex. Wayyy mature. I'm on your side, sister!!!! Vent away if it makes you feel better~~~And if you need people to bash your ex because you want to hurt him, I'm right here to do exactly that!!! Link to comment
blueangel Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 He is such a jerk!!!! You deserve much better than this!!!!!!!!!!!! let him suffer and yes, like many others have already said, change your number, it might be a good closure for yourself. I totally believe in closure and I think the reason why most people contact their ex because they need closure. You are wayyyy ahead of the game by not even wanting to contact your ex. Wayyy mature. I'm on your side, sister!!!! Vent away if it makes you feel better~~~And if you need people to bash your ex because you want to hurt him, I'm right here to do exactly that!!! Yeah I recently changed my own email address so I wouldnt keep checking for ex's mail. They'll have to go without reply. As much as I secretly hate not checking... yes keep venting. Get that crapola OUTTA ya sista!!! Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 change your phone number change your phone number change your phone number and whoever is telling you what he is doing, tell that person (or people) that you don't wish to hear it. if they are your friends they will respect that you don't want to hear things about him while you are not in contact and still healing. and how is he hearing about who you're talking to? because it's someone from your old town? maybe it's time to build a new life in the new place, so he won't hear about who you're talking to. you can do better than an old friend that you're admittedly not even attracted to. there's a million people out there. find some who have nothing to do with your old life. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Why don't you change your phone number so you stop receiving those texts? Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 there will be days where im fine...where thoughts of him just tick me off...and then ill stop thinking about him. but then there are days like these...when it gets to me. his stupidity and how he thinks he has done nothing wrong really ticks me off. he thinks this ENTIRE thing is my fault. that i caused this entire situation. when he KNOWS that it was him. i havent even been with another guy...i just talk to them as FRIENDS. he didn't get off earrly and catch me with some guy. i wasn't the one who didnt come home for three nights......... uugh he is such a lame excuse for a human being. how can someone be that ........ nieve??? how could you seriously blame someone so much when you KNOW its you. thats like me not flushing the toilet when i was CLEARLY the last one in there and blaming it on someone else. he's such a JERK. Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 link removed song I LOVE THIS SONG BTW! I just listened to it ....... thank you blueangel. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 You wouldn't know what he thinks at all if you just deleted the text messages without reading them and told people you know to stop relaying information to you. Does a little part of you enjoy the drama? Because there's lots of solutions offered here to stop it, and you just ignore them. There would be nothing to tick you off if you actually stopped being involved in his life, even if it is via other people. Link to comment
Missempty Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 I know that feeling, especially around PMS. Sounds like he is just a bad human being with no integrity and no conscience. Seriously, if only I dictate law I would have these people arrested. Seriously, he must be living a terrible life to be such an awful person! He needs a therapist. Cut all contact with him and try casual dating for a while if you feel like it (of course, with a polite gentleman who knows how to treat you right). It'll be fun, and make you think "wow, I feel attractive and beautiful and respected and I can't believe I ever put up with that jerk". Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted May 15, 2008 Share Posted May 15, 2008 Barbie, there are 3 parts to a relationship: you, him, and the dynamic between you. So you didn't do anything wrong. You were just being you, loving him, trying to be the best girlfriend you could be. However, he was just being him, which is spoiled, selfish, liar, cheater. And the dynamic between you was that he was perfectly content to ACT like he loved you to keep you in the dark, while going behind your back, including lying, cheating, and suppressing parts of himself in front of you to keep the relationship going. It sounds like you meshed well together sexually, but your morals were quite different (i.e., you expected fidelity and truth, he didn't think those were important). So you only learned about this other side of him when the house of card collapsed and he got caught lying and cheating. Why does he keep contacting you? I think he is a spoiled baby who uses charm (and smoke and mirrors) to get his own way. When that doesn't work, he switches to bullying and manipulation. But he just wants what he wants. I also think this is a power and control thing, and if you caved and tried to get back with him, he could immediately dump you again (i.e., he's playing the 'i'm king of the hill' game. As soon as he's in control again, he'll shove you back down). Regardless, why don't you just change your number? If you've made up your mind it is over, let it be over. Get a new L.A. number, and start your new life! Link to comment
barbielovesmac Posted May 15, 2008 Author Share Posted May 15, 2008 I don't know how I feel today. My thoughts and feelings are SOO conflicted. I don't know how he can tell me he is still in love with me but in the SAME sentence call me the B word? How can he tell me that he can't get me out of his mind? But then tell me he's stupid for loving me and loving me still. He doesn't love me nor did he ever, I know that now...I get it. That's not love...I don't know what the hell you could call that. Obsession? He's more obsessed with the thought of me. He LET ME GO. So why would my being with anyone else, let alone talking to someone else bother him? What did he think I was going to do? Link to comment
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