Update #2 on what to wear/what not to wear and some juicy details....

[scaruff]

Last night I went out to dinner with the guy that I met up with last week, it was only the second time we met up with each other:

 

 

 

We enjoyed a really nice dinner and conversation. He held my hand in the restaurant-which was sort of nice. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and a little make out fest resulted (just kissing, guys!). He kind of caught me by surprise when after a kiss or two on the lips, he slipped me the tongue! It was sort of out of sync but I went with it. His tongue was swirling around mine (is that what is supposed to be like??). I don't know if his or my rhythm was off (I couldn't tell!). But my teeth kept on touching his tongue As a result, I started to laugh a bit--I think I was laughing because of the multitude of emotions I was feeling-excitement, awkwardness, giddyness, embarrassment that I was biting his tongue, etc. He got a little bit fresh with me as his hands started to roam--he touched by butt After that, I said I had to go....

 

Anyway, he wants to cook me dinner at his house....he said he won't attack me and he'll be a gentleman. But I know better than that. I'd prefer to keep our dates in the public arena for now-as I wouldn't want things to escalate into something beyond my comfort level and boundaries. So if he asks me about going to his house, I'll just tell him that for now I'd rather just go for a coffee, a dinner or a walk in the park.....

[Lana0120]

Yeah, I think you're sensible there. Although he may well respect your boundaries even if you do go back to his house, well, what he says now and what he would do in a moment of passion, well who knows... Better to stick with what makes you feel comfortable.

[Caterina]

I'd keep it public, indefinetly. Plus, i'd make my boundaries clear. I'd say, "you're getting too heated too soon". Just me though.

[riley123]

Two things: First, he sounds like an overly-aggressive bad kisser. Not a good thing. I never kiss (let alone slip the tongue and cop a feel) after two dates, regardless of how well they went. I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

 

Second, cooking dinner for you is a little much for a third date. Anyone who says, “I won't attack you and I’ll be a gentleman” clearly has another agenda. Real gentlemen don’t need to say those things.

 

Be careful.

[scaruff]

Two things: First, he sounds like an overly-aggressive bad kisser. Not a good thing. I never kiss (let alone slip the tongue and cop a feel) after two dates, regardless of how well they went. I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

 

Second, cooking dinner for you is a little much for a third date. Anyone who says, “I won't attack you and I’ll be a gentleman” clearly has another agenda. Real gentlemen don’t need to say those things.

 

Be careful.

 

Yes!

 

I had all of these thoughts, too.

 

There is no way in hell that I'll go to his house.

[BellaDonna]

Two things: First, he sounds like an overly-aggressive bad kisser. Not a good thing. I never kiss (let alone slip the tongue and cop a feel) after two dates, regardless of how well they went. I just don’t think it’s appropriate.

 

Second, cooking dinner for you is a little much for a third date. Anyone who says, “I won't attack you and I’ll be a gentleman” clearly has another agenda. Real gentlemen don’t need to say those things.

 

Be careful.

 

I agree 100%. Especially with the last part.

 

I hate to say it but it sounds like he is clearly looking for sex, and fast.

 

Are you looking for a relationship, scaruff?

[servedcold]

Sounds encouraging in the sparks flying dept. Sure, the first few meetings should be in public before going to each others' houses. If it gets to a point where you feel you are having to "beat him off you" physically, say something about it without making him feel self-conscious. Something like, "I am enjoying what's happening between us but have learned to go slower at first, is that OK with you?" If he grumbles or acts like a baby, you should question his motives and evaluate from there. If he responds with a playful but understanding answer, that's a good sign. Best wishes.

[scaruff]

I agree 100%. Especially with the last part.

 

I hate to say it but it sounds like he is clearly looking for sex, and fast.

 

Are you looking for a relationship, scaruff?

 

He definitely won't get sex from me BellaDonna. I don't play that way.

 

I'm looking for a genuine emotional and loving connection--anything other than that is meaningless.

 

I deserve to be treated with respect--and I want the best.

[BellaDonna]

I deserve to be treated with respect--and I want the best.

 

Did you feel respected when he touched your behind?

 

If not- perhaps reconsider whether or not you even want to see him again.

 

I think there are a lot of red flags with this guy.

[LanceVanceDance]

I wouldn't listen to the people telling you to "be careful" and such. Just make the guy understand you won't go to his place anytime soon and see if he slows things down accordingly. He may just really like you and be a tad too eager, that doesn't necessarily mean he's only looking for sex.

[scaruff]

Did you feel respected when he touched your behind?

 

If not- perhaps reconsider whether or not you even want to see him again.

 

I think there are a lot of red flags with this guy.

 

Strangely, I felt neither disrespected or respected when he touched my butt. Intuitively, it was too soon to go there--as was his home cooked meal at his house idea....

 

We were having a full body type of hug, so I could see how it would happen. I could have (probably should have) put the breaks on it sooner (through saying something and with my body language). I think I got a bit caught up in the moment.

[servedcold]

Touching your butt during a heavy makeout session doesn't make the guy some sort of perv. I'm a total gentleman on early dates, but if the woman is receptive, I'll touch her anywhere she wants if she is going along with it and encouraging me...anywhere. Dating these days, I find lots of women who want sex on the 1-3 date and I end up being the one to slow things down. If he goes too far for your comfort, just tell him, don't judge him as some creep just out for sex. His reaction to being told to slow down will tell you more about his character than his initial fervor.

[BellaDonna]

Strangely, I felt neither disrespected or respected when he touched my butt. Intuitively, it was too soon to go there--as was his home cooked meal at his house idea....

 

We were having a full body type of hug, so I could see how it would happen. I could have (probably should have) put the breaks on it sooner (through saying something and with my body language). I think I got a bit caught up in the moment.

Well if you felt ok about it and also found him very attractive, maybe there is just a strong chemistry there- but if you feel it is moving to fast you need to tell him so that he knows what the boundaries are.

[scaruff]

Well if you felt ok about it and also found him very attractive, maybe there is just a strong chemistry there- but if you feel it is moving to fast you need to tell him so that he knows what the boundaries are.

 

Thanks BellaDonna. In retrospect, I feel it's too fast. I haven't ever been kissed on a first or second date. I was curious what that would be like. So in essense, I was testing my boundaries. Usually, I've been friends with a guy first--but that has happened with guys that I've met in real life. I met this guy from an online dating site.

 

I'll step back and reassess what it is that I want and what I'm comfortable with.

 

I won't go to his house on a third date. I want an old fashioned type of courtship. I doubt after last night, I conveyed that message. I realize/know it is the female that determines the physical pace.

[scaruff]

Touching your butt during a heavy makeout session doesn't make the guy some sort of perv. I'm a total gentleman on early dates, but if the woman is receptive, I'll touch her anywhere she wants if she is going along with it and encouraging me...anywhere. Dating these days, I find lots of women who want sex on the 1-3 date and I end up being the one to slow things down. If he goes too far for your comfort, just tell him, don't judge him as some creep just out for sex. His reaction to being told to slow down will tell you more about his character than his initial fervor.

 

Yes--good point; I agree.

[Caterina]

Thanks BellaDonna. In retrospect, I feel it's too fast. I haven't ever been kissed on a first or second date. I was curious what that would be like. So in essense, I was testing my boundaries. Usually, I've been friends with a guy first--but that has happened with guys that I've met in real life. I met this guy from an online dating site.

 

I'll step back and reassess what it is that I want and what I'm comfortable with.

 

I won't go to his house on a third date. I want an old fashioned type of courtship. I doubt after last night, I conveyed that message. I realize/know it is the female that determines the physical pace.

 

I think that you are assessing this fine.