My boyfriend's best girl friend

[Kalika]

Hey everyone

 

I have a question and I'm curious about what you all think.

 

My boyfriend is 28. When he was in his early 20s he dated a girl for 2 years. They broke up, didn't speak for a few years, reconnected and now they are best friends.

I was wondering how many of you would be comfortable with your boyfriend being best friends with an ex, someone he has a previous dating and sexual experience with.

 

I should add that I have never met her and at this point I'm not jealous, but I wonder if realistically this will start to bother me when I see them together, which I'm sure I will at some point if we continue dating.

 

P.S. We have been dating since January, if that makes a difference..

[Haven]

I would only have problems with it if he spent more time with her than with me, or if he prioritized her over me.

 

I'd also pay attention to how he acted around both of us. I think most women can tell where a guy's interest lies (mostly by whom he pays attention to). If he paid more attention to her and I felt like a third wheel... then that would be a potential problem.

 

I don't have much experience in this area, but I do think that it should be ok, as long as you don't feel marginalized by her or anything like that.

[MushroomGod]

I'm friends with a few exs. Best friends? No. I'd think its weird and it'd make me uncomfortable and I believe I'm very secure.

[jengh]

I'm best friends with my ex. We were together for four years, have been broken up for two and have both seriously dated other people. It works for us.

[Darkness_Falls]

I'm best friends with my ex, who I was with for 3.5 years. His girlfriend hates me now so I don't get to see him. But she is really controlling and insecure, she doesn't let him speak to any females, or even look at them. I have told him that if he ever needs me I'm only a phone call away.

 

Being best mates with an ex can work but only if there are no feelings on either side. I have had 3 boyfriends after him and they were all fine with the friendship. My current bf is good friends with my ex, when he gets to see him. I asked my boyfriend how he felt about it and he said that when he saw how me and my ex act around each other, he couldn't even tell we were ever together. That's why he's fine with it, and is fine with me spending time with my ex if I want to. My bf has a female best friend, which I was feeling a bit funny about until I met her. Then I saw that there was nothing between them, as in feelings, and they were just mates.

 

I think that's the main thing, meet this girl and see how you all get on together. It is possible to be best mates with an ex. Usually it's the girlfriend who finds it most difficult to accept though.

[Roasted Carrots]

I think you should really go with your "gut". Meet this girl and see for yourself. I managed to stay friends with a lot of my exes for awhile.

 

I was really close to one ex (who I had only dated for a month or so) and he really wanted me to meet his girlfriend. I was worried that she would hate me, but she didn't, and we started to get really close. Her boyfriend ended up dumping her (partly because he still seemed to have a crush on me) and I flat out rejected him. His girlfriend is now one of my best friends and neither of us talk to that jerk anymore!

 

So to answer your question: Sometimes it's a bad idea, and sometimes you just have to trust him. In my opinion it all depends on the guy and the girl. If you gut tells you she still likes him or he still likes her, the jig is up. But give her a chance.

[ghost69]

if they were friends before we met and started dating i could be okay. but comes back into their life, i can't do that. what do they possess NOW that i can't provide?

[Kalika]

Interesting responses, guys. Thanks.

 

I thought I would get a bunch of people telling me I had no right to be jealous, cuz it was before I knew him, blah blah blah, yada yada yada.