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Says he likes me yet won't talk to me?


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Hi you guys. I just broke up with my long term boyfriend. It has been tough but it just wasn't working and on top of all the fighting, there was no trust at all. He cheated twice and I cheated once. I cheated with a guy that after we became friends and slept together i never got over. i couldn't go a day without thinking about him. The new guy wanted me to break up with my boyfriend and though I should have, i was not strong enough to do so. (this was months ago)


Apparently i had a huge effect on him. His friends told me I had hurt him more than anyone had ever hurt him and he had fallen in love with me. time went by...about 3 months. and i still couldnt stop thinking of him and things with my boyfriend werent good so I broke up with him. this was justa week ago. But throughout this hard time I have started talking to the guy I could never get over. I found myself unusually happy and him and i talked about dating. he said he didn't want to date right away since my bf and i had just broken up. but that we both wouldn't mess with anyone else. I agreed and that night i went to his house to hang out. we had such a great time and towards the end of the night we ended up having sex. I went home and the next day he texted me a little bit but we couldn't really keep a conversation. The next day went by and i decided to text him and say so you sleep with me then never call me again? that kind of made him mad b/c he said it's only been two days and basically made me feel like i was overreacting. so i apologized for jumping to conclusions and he then asked me if i wanted to hang out that night. he was gonna go out with some friends as was i and afterwards we would chill. He didn't call until 12:30AM and by that time i had just gotten in bed. he said he was sorry but since it was pretty late he was just gonna shower and sleep.


The next day (yesterday) I had gotten invited to go to this guys house. I know this guy has always liked me and if i went over i knew he would think something would happen, so i texted my guy-i guess-and told him i wanted to know where we stood b/c of the situation i was put in. he said well i guess where we stand depends on your decision you make tonight. so i said well i dont wanna go. i want to see how things go with you. however i dont mind waiting as long as im not waiting for nothing. and to be honest i dont really remember his answer. it wasn't bad but obviously he didnt say well lets date.


So the point of me venting here is that it is killing me not be texting him. I just want to spend time with him but i feel like im always the one initiating the conversations and i dont want to come off as needy or desperate. It just confuses me because he used to be in love with me and now he seems so stand-offish. I can't help but wonder if maybe he is afraid to get too close to me for fear that I will screw him over again. Or maybe he was sadly just after the chase? and now I'm single. I don't get it. I'm frustrated beyond belief.


thank you for any advice

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well first off, based on your post; I can bluntly say that your previous relationship had ended before it officially did taking into account you both cheated on each other. The trust and connection was totally gone as far as I can gather.


Now onto this other guy you've been meeting, it's really obvious to me that he's a littlle hesitant about becoming EMOTIONALLY involved with you because obviously you have only just broke up with your long term boyfriend, he's just being very cautious which is completely understandable. I think he's just contemplating reluctantly about whether he's a "rebound" which is perfectly normal.


I think you just need to lay off a bit personally, take a bit of a break because let's face it, most of these relationships never work out because one person hasn't given themselves enough time to become accustomed to the "single life". Instead of spending your time worrying and thinking about this other guy so often, go out and enjoy yourself with friends, just have fun. People's lives are turned upside down after a breakup because they simply do not give themselves time to heal, and realise that it's not a requirement to have a man in your life one after the other; so to speak. It doesn't matter whether you've had sex with him already, or have feelings with him. Just loosen up, spend some time for yourself, not for this other guy and then when you feel like you've properly moved on and no longer as stressed out, then see if there is still a connection. Because it's blatantly obvious he's distancing himself because he knows that he's a potential rebound.


Best of luck

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He is interested in being sex buddies with you so you need to lose the whole abstract "I am so drawn to him!" because emotional attachment is not what he wants with you at this time. Guys who want to date you ask you out on a date they plan and are far more focused on getting to know you through dates/activities and not as focused on getting you in bed.


Guys who want to get laid invite you over to their house especially if you are the type who will be passive and "let things happen" (as you wrote - "we ended up having sex" - so it sounds like you don't see it as a choice you make but something that just happens - which is great for a guy who wants to get laid).


He might be concerned about being in a relationship with you because he knows that when you are unhappy in a relationship, you are comfortable cheating, which could hurt him emotionally and/or give him an STD. You can tell him that with him it would be different but he is entitled to be concerned about your behavior in the recent past. Aren't you?


I think you made the right choice not seeing him and having sex with him again.

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