Someone to Talk To Please.

[Averyel]

Its lot going on in my relationship that I am trying hard to deal with. If someone can lend some phone time or face to face time so so I can let go it would be preferred.

 

Basically 3 mos. ago, she cancelled our wedding before it was set to go for a month. Now I get the "I'm not in love with you like I used to be" I can't leave the house because I have no one else to stay with, and with limited income it just so painful that I'm becoming physically ill. We have trust and communication issues that I want to work though and see a counselor but she doesn't want to do that. We still share a bed and talk everyday, but I'm so depressed and hurting right now. I just need support form you guys. I'll let more details go in the next posts or such bc its a lot.

 

Thanks.

[skyblue1]

Hey Averyel, We are all here for you

 

I'm so sorry to hear that it must have been a hugh shock to your system. You must be feeling very awful. Do you have a mortgage with her?

 

If i were you honey i will accept what she told you. Would you want to be with someone forever who doesn't love you the way you love her? NO you need a lady who will love you and knows they want to spend the rest of your life with you. I know it is hard to move on right now. You can't change her mind unless she realizes she does actually love you. SOrry your going through this i wish things could be different for you HUG xx

[Averyel]

Thanks, and I do have a mortgage with her. We moved here a year ago. Yay me. I can't go home bc my parents aren't the most supportive people so I would get "I told you so." We share bills and whatever too. I gave her time, and stepped up my house game, learning to cook, clean and fold laundry. Tried to make things easier for her and do more stuff together.

 

A lot of things contributed. The fact she works nights and I work days probably made her paranoid. She says I didnt spoil her enough. I don't know. I mean she's sleeping in the other room and I'm in here crying my eyes out wishing the pain would leave and I can become confident about myself. She says she likes seeing me everyday, and loves and cares, but * * * * , I care if a person was hurting too. Thanks. Just throw me some tissues.

[Keyman]

Hey Averyel,

 

I know it's difficult still being around her, especially with her telling you that she enjoys spending the time with you. She is not doing this maliciously, she still has feelings as well, BUT, she has said she doesn't love you like she used to. This means that she does not see it going forward. Unfortunately she isn't helping you by telling you she enjoys seeing you, as this is putting you in a yoyo situation where it seems like she wants you, when really she does not.

 

I wish I had seen this happening the relationship that recently ended and maybe I actually did, but I was blinded by her nice words (and in my case her giving in when I wanted to be intimate).

 

While we are here to help you at an emotional level and with advice, it is up to you to make some major changes and get some major space from her. Find somewhere else you can go, a workmate perhaps. I know you are in a strange place with few friends and a limited income, but you NEED to make these changes and distance yourself from her. TRUST ME, the pain will ease faster when you don't see her, when you don't hear her saying she likes seeing you. And if it's what you want, it may even make her miss you enough to come after her.

 

Firstly, STOP CRYING. Show her no emotions whatsoever. If anything, try to act happy that it's happened otherwise all you are doing is giving your power to her. Walk away, keep your distance, and if you have anything you want to say to her, say it here.

 

Maybe even move out of state to somewhere you do know people that can be there in person for you.

[Loris]

What Keyman said.

 

Be strong, show no emotions as to how its affecting you. I know its hard but it does work. If it was meant to be she will come to her senses. If it was never meant to be, then why be with someone who doesn't love you? Would you want someone make you love them even though you didn't love them?

[Averyel]

Thanks guys. She keeps saying that it is her and not me. I believe that it is someone else, bc she has a "friend" that she used to date that she conversates with. So I asked her point blank because I absolutely deserve honesty and she said if there was someone else it would be easier but there isn't anyone. She has said that she wants to try and get the old spark back, so it gives me some kind of hope that she means this.

 

Saturday coming up is a major concert that I wanted to go to but could not because of a lack of finances. However, because of left open emails, I see that she purchased two tickets to this concert. I haven't asked her point blank if she bought the tickets, but I have alluded to the fact that I want to go. She asked why I didn't buy tickets if I wanted to go, but I tried to get an idea and say I'll buy the tickets for us now. She declined the offer and said don't worry about it. I think Saturday will be this turning point because I can't stand the lies and that would totally give me a solid grounds to be gone from all of this heartache. Of course, what if she bought the tickets for me and is planning them as a surprise. That's me being a forever optimist.

 

I appreciate kind words and advice. I have never been this deep within a relationship. I was very casual when I was not with her, and sometimes I feel like I am being punished for not being as forthright and honest with other people in the past. I think deep down inside one of us will come to our senses, either her realizing how great a person/guy I am or me realizing how hurtful and unhealthy this is and totally moving on.

 

PS. I stopped crying. I have fits of quiet anger where my heart pumps nitro but I don't let it boil over, said for one small part of a bedroom wall when no one was watching.

[Loris]

Get yourself down to a gym dude. It worked for me and you'll feel tonnes better afterwards. Don't stew in your own juices, take your aggression out to make something positive!

[Keyman]

I guess you'll just have to wait and see about the tickets for saturday. The feeling I get about it all is that it's time to cut the losses and move on. You seem to already be on this path. I agree with Loris that you shouldn't stew on your emotions and feelings, but better that than showing them to her. You are not being punished for anything in the past. You are learning something new!

 

And if she has said it would be easier if there was someone else, then there likely isn't, only her wishing there is.

[Loris]

Well, get this for a revelation...

 

... I spoke to an old school friend today and after a while of chatting I asked her if she was married, kids etc. She replied, "I asked for some time apart from my boyfriend of 3 years." I asked why and she replied "To see if he loved me enough to come back to me".

 

I was like "WHAT?!" You read it right. She left him to see if he would come back. And has he? Has he f**k. She's devastated but she had to make sure he was the right one. Sometimes this is people's way of saying, "Do you love me and how much?" Some people say it in different ways I guess!

 

On the flipside, he's probably thinking "I'll go NC and see how many chicks I can get now I'm single". D'oh!

[lillybee1982]

I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. When I read your post I could sense your pain. I'm so sorry. I know what it feels like to have so much pain, and so much unanswered questions when someone turns their back on you that you care about very much. But I don't know what you yourself are going through right now either. I'm sure it feels unbearable. I actually went through a breakup recently and I still get ill and tremendously depressed.

 

Just want you to know that I know how it is to want to say so much...and how there are so many details...and writing them or typing them seem impossible. Talking about it is better. But even then you'll find yourself ruminating. I have done that..because we are not happy with the answers we have gotten. Bottom line, we just want that person back.

 

If you need someone to talk to, I would be happy to listen.

[Keyman]

"To see if he loved me enough to come back to me".

 

The good old 'if you love them let them go and if it's meant to be they'll come back' trick.

 

Unfortunately that doesn't always work. Sure, for the more deep and emotional people it may (like many of us) but for those that use the 'rebound process' of getting laid to get over a break up, it doesn't quite work. Sometime I wish it was as easy for me.

[Averyel]

I was told today that she loves me and feels bad for how she is acting towards me, but she is just not feeling it. I told her I would leave, and she got angry at me stating "where are you going to go." I said if you don't feel it, and you can't try and work it or you think im going to revert or not meet your needs, then you should let me go. Sorry about your feeling bad, but you are the one who rejected me, so this was a conscious thing that you already done, so get your mind right. She gets upset becasue she says its the only thing we seem to talk about, and I said im sorry I can't discuss stocks to make you more comfortable around the house, but i'm dealing with problems like an adult and not pretending they don't exist.

 

Nothing was said about the tickets or about her "friend."

 

Thanks for all the good wishes and advice. Anyone in the area wanna put me up? LOL I'm housebroken by the way and put the seat down after usage. LOL

[Loris]

The good old 'if you love them let them go and if it's meant to be they'll come back' trick.

 

Unfortunately that doesn't always work. Sure, for the more deep and emotional people it may (like many of us) but for those that use the 'rebound process' of getting laid to get over a break up, it doesn't quite work. Sometime I wish it was as easy for me.

 

Well, I got laid twice after I broke up with my ex. Why should she have all the fun? Yeah I felt wretched afterwards but I think I got over the breakup sooner. At least it boosted my confidence and I knew I still 'had it'. This meant I was able to meet other people without the fear of rejection, thus meaning there was light at the end of the tunnel and there were other fish in the sea.

[Keyman]

I was told today that she loves me and feels bad for how she is acting towards me, but she is just not feeling it. I told her I would leave, and she got angry at me stating "where are you going to go." I said if you don't feel it, and you can't try and work it or you think im going to revert or not meet your needs, then you should let me go. Sorry about your feeling bad, but you are the one who rejected me, so this was a conscious thing that you already done, so get your mind right. She gets upset becasue she says its the only thing we seem to talk about, and I said im sorry I can't discuss stocks to make you more comfortable around the house, but i'm dealing with problems like an adult and not pretending they don't exist.

 

 

This is how my ex acted, after she first broke up with me, I continued to live with her while looking for a place and everything with us continued as normal, then one day I told her I was going to look at a flat she spun out on me. While it's been over a week, the last time we saw each other, it was like we were still together, she telling me how much she loved me and missed me.

 

That's all fine lady, but you spent half our relationship hiding your emotions and avoiding our issues, now it's all lovey dovey. It just makes it hurt more.

 

And sorry Averyel, unless you live in Aussie, can't help you with a room!

[Keyman]

Well, I got laid twice after I broke up with my ex. Why should she have all the fun? Yeah I felt wretched afterwards but I think I got over the breakup sooner. At least it boosted my confidence and I knew I still 'had it'. This meant I was able to meet other people without the fear of rejection, thus meaning there was light at the end of the tunnel and there were other fish in the sea.

 

 

Mayhaps I should try harder to get laid then, as I really want to help myself get over this depression.

 

Any ladies in Australia want to join me in getting over our ex's?

[Averyel]

Aiight guys. Today I had a triumph and got a new higher paying job 20% hoo-ray!!

She said she was pround of me and I should go tell my friends, I leave for an hour and she's gone, says she at Target. That was at 7. I call at 8 because I'm supposed to be cooking dinner. Call at 9, no answer just like 8. Call at 10. Nothing. So I just packed a bag and I'm going to stay in a hotel or something just to get out of this heartache. I'll try at 11, but we all know Target closes at like 9:30. So the hell with this. She feels bad, but a simple "I'm out" or "I'm wherever" is too much because I guess im asking too many questions. When common courtesy is gone, I totally feel like its just a straight up lack of respect for my feelings in general. I'll talk to you guys in the AM. This is a big step so say some nice things to your deity for me.

[dreamwarrior]

I have been invited to several of my co-workers events and I am going.......one of my co-workers bf just broke up with her after she got a new place...I say to her yahoo it's good for her to have her own place anyway....(they never lived together)....she is going to have a party and I am going....next my other co-worker invited me to a club where a friends band is playing and going to buy drinks...I am going too....then my other co-worker is getting married and I am going she is having a Cambodian wedding, and it's a two day event...hahahaaaaaaaaa

 

I am not looking for a guy nor do I want anyone for a rebound...I just like myself to much, but hey if it happens oh wellllllllllllllllll I am going for it......hehe