mca1975 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Hi, I'm looking to hear from other women who are in a yo-yo relationship with a man who keeps coming in and out of their life. We get on so well and both have strong feelings for each other, but he is really unhappy with himself and has lots of issues and finds it hard to have a relationship, which he has admitted. We are both really insecure. We see each other on average about every 1-2 weeks. We have such a lovely time together but its normally in the mode of going out for a good old drink, which is all good. He calls sometimes to say he misses me, but he will go awol and not return my calls for days, then he will get the confidence to come and see me again. He is very shy aswell and his confidence is so low as regards to me, he doesnt think he is good enough for me. I know I should not see him but I really like him and I just cannot resist seeing him, which is why I want to talk to other women in the same situation and how they cope with it. I know one day I will meet someone else who treats me better. I have a great social life and lots of friends, so I am lucky, but sometimes it really tears me apart thanks x Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Tell him you either want all of him or none at all. Allow yourself the chance to find that special peson. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 Thanks, I will end up having to say that I know it. I've done it before anyway! We made a lot of progress this weekend, I will see how the weekend pans out, if he lets me down again on meeting on Saturday, or if I dont hear from him at all, then I will most likely be saying that to him, an ultimatum. The thing is he got really jealous about an ex of mine this weekend too, which he had only just found out about (because we see the ex socially). He has obviously got feelings if he can get so jealous. He obviously thinks that I am ok with just waiting around for him to see me, so how will he react if I give him an ultimatum like that as I'm sure he will feel jealous if I got with anyone else, but then again, it would be his own fault really wouldn't it. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Im sure he does have feelings. Perhaps he just doesn't know himself exactly what he wants. He probably loves being with you but loves the freedom as well. Giving him an ultimatum might FINALLY push him to make a decision, and he has too because its not fair on you to play with your feelings. I'd say he didnt have the right to get jealous because he isnt REALLY properly your boyfriend. You deserve someone who has the time and love for you. Tell him this, if he can't give it to you. Move on! And yes he probably will be gutted and it will be his own fault but maybe hes just not ready. How old is he? Has he been in commited relationships before? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 He hasnt had a relationship for about 4 years and it didnt end well, in tragic circumstances. The funny thing is, my last one was about 5 years ago and that ended in my boyfriend passing away, so we have both had a very turbulent time of it, are both insecure and afraid. Yeh he doesnt feel like my proper boyfriend, but when we are out together socially he acts like he is my boyfriend and he seems to really enjoy that, I know I do! Right now I feel ok, even though he has not replied to my text from two days ago! lol. but yesterday I felt awful. He is 28 and says he wants to change his circumstances and says he loves being with me and feels really happy, but he's not sure he can change his circumstances, though he did actually tell me at the weekend that he was actively trying to find a job, as he has been out of work for a while, which is quite a milestone for him! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Perhaps its a fear of this relationship ending badly. I think you just need to sit him down, tell him exactly what you want and ask if he's the man to give it to you. If not he should let you go and find someone who will never make you miserable. IT sounds like you really care for him so dont give up just yet. Sorry about your boyfriend passing away Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 Well thank you, it was a very hard time but I have moved on and found happiness again in life and enjoy life to the full, thanks to my friends and family. I do care about him, he is a good person but he just has problems and a crap life to deal with, background etc. He says he cant believe that a girl like me can like someone like him, which is just ridiculous, no-one is better than anyone else in this world, we are all equal. If this all ends, after a time, I will always wonder how he is, so maybe we could be friendly in future. Like I said, I will see how this weekend pans out. Thanks a lot for your advice and for listening x Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 No proble, you deserve having this work out for you. You sound like a very strong person so I wish you the best of luck. I totally agree. People are people at the end of the day Link to comment
Gratsy Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 I'd keep him in your life if its too hard to get rid of him...just realize that in the meantime you should be looking for someone else b/c this guy isn't really relationship material. Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 Thank you Gratsy, we have already called it all off a few times, usually by me, and after a few days to a week of feeling quite down about it, I am usually ok and getting on with things, going out etc.. But he is weak and contacts me again and then I cannot resist it. This is what is stopping me from getting rid, because I know that the minute he makes contact again or I see him, I will not be able to resist - which would in turn make me look even more stupid for "giving in" against and going against my decision to call it a day. For now anyway, its easier to just stay calm and not expect too much and try not to get angry about the times he goes awol. But, yes you are right, it must not stop me from meeting someone else. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 Where is he when he goes awol? What does he do? Is he a serial killer with 4 wives and 37 children? This is something that i would NEED to know. Why does he goes awol? Is he on a drinking binge? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 8, 2008 Author Share Posted May 8, 2008 You think I should just be friends with him? I could do that, but we are sexually attracted to each other, a lot, thats the problem I think with that. Where does he go when he goes AWOL, he goes back home, he lives about 15 minutes away. He is from a rough area and doesnt like it where he lives, he is unhappy down there, he lives with his mum but has recently moved in with friends but doesnt stay there very much. He has stated lots of times that he does not have anyone else that he sees, apart from me. He has money and family troubles that he says needs sorting out. I have been to his area as I've gone there to pick him up lots of times, plus I have been to his house also but his mum was not in. He says he spends a lot of time sleeping as he doesnt work, he is lazy as he smokes weed. Link to comment
richmonder80 Posted May 8, 2008 Share Posted May 8, 2008 He sounds like a winner. Does drugs, no job, depressed...and has other mental issues "but we are $exually attracted to each other, a lot, thats the problem I think with that" Link to comment
mca1975 Posted May 9, 2008 Author Share Posted May 9, 2008 I can relate to sarcasm! lol. He does sound like a good catch doesn't he! I think I should just enjoy what I can out of this and be selfish myself maybe, it's not going to go anywhere, I need to face up to that and keep my options open Link to comment
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