Joys and Pains of being a mother

[Anna.]

Ok, its me again, the sappy mom.

 

Once again i am overwhelmed at my child. It's been SO hard lately with her father and I breaking up and trying to make ends meet, etc. I just KNOW though that it's worth it. She is like my little guardian angel and I absolutely ADORE her. I just want what is best for her all the time. I mean she is honestly my heart and soul in this independent little package. And it's so HARD to try and do the right thing all the time and make the right decisions and I try and I try and I try.

 

And she is happy most of the time. She doesn't know what's going on. But I haven't been the best mother I could possibly all the time here lately. I've made mistakes and I've talked on the phone too much trying to help ease my own pain instead of giving her all my attention. But I really do try to do everything in my life now to benefit her. She's my world and my life and I'd die a thousand times before I'd let her feel one ounce of pain.

 

I know there's pain to come in her life. I know she'll be let down and I know other people will hurt her and I know that one day she will realize that i am not superwoman and I won't always be able to help her or save her. And that hurts. I mean it REALLY HURTS. I don't want her to EVER hurt. God sent me an angel for me to watch over, this best most perfect child that ever existed in my mind, and she deserves anything and everything this world can offer her. And by god, I will do anything and everything in my power to make her a strong, wise, understanding, kind, loving individual.

 

You know, I'm trying to accept the fact that I am now a single mother and that she and I have a long bumpy hard road ahead of us. And there will be times that i know I will want to throw my hands up and say I can't do this. But I understand at the end of the day, it's me. It's me that is ultimately responsible for her. there is nobody above me when it comes to her. There is nobody to fall back on or hand responsibility over to. My whole life I've had my parents there to clean up after my mistakes and they have, unfairly so. but when it comes to her that's not an option. I made her and she is MINE and my responsibility. She made me have to be an adult. And I will put in the effort and the work and I will reap the rewards and the consequences of the way I raise her.

 

I just didn't know before I had her that this is what loving somebody is. And I also didn't know being a mother would be so ridiculously hard even with the best baby ever. Emotionally, it's HARD. Every ounce of my being is so wrapped up in her, it's crazy. I have to think about how every action I take might affect her.

 

But when it comes down to it, hard as it may be: I am truly blessed and I just hope I can thank God enough for giving her to me.

 

I'm sorry, I honestly just wanted to vent again and maybe hear some insight from other parents.

 

Anna

[barbielovesmac]

I love this ... I read it all. You sound AMAZING!

 

You sound so very strong ...

 

You only want the very best for your child ... That's admirable.

 

Alot of children out there DON'T have this sort of love ...

 

((hugs))

[rocio]

I kind of have a different approach to parenting so it's interesting for me to hear your perspective. As difficult as it is to accept, I know that she will get hurt and I can't protect her from all harm. It's an impossible task. I also don't feel like I own her.

 

You're taking so much responsibility upon yourself, doesn't it get exausting??

[m12988]

I kind of have a different approach to parenting so it's interesting for me to hear your perspective. As difficult as it is to accept, I know that she will get hurt and I can't protect her from all harm. It's an impossible task. I also don't feel like I own her.

 

You're taking so much responsibility upon yourself, doesn't it get exausting??

 

Good post. I agree, I can relate in a way. I'm not a parent myself, but i am the closest thing to it when it comes to my sisters. I always want to protect them from things, from when they were younger and getting into the little things, to now, when they are getting into relationships and possibly getting hurt. I realized though, heck, i got through the tougher times and i'm stronger for it and i'm fine now. If i can do it, they can too. I can't be in every aspect of their lives. I can give them my opinion on their boyfriends and stuff like that, but i can't TELL them what to do. They will have to live and learn, just like I did. Thats how we all experience life, life actually wouldn't be any fun if we didn't have problems sometimes.

[miracle29]

I thought this was a wonderful read. I too am going through a seperation and I blame myself for my bad choices. I looked at my little muffin also known as my (Odie Blodie) and felt overwhelmed with tears! What if she hates me for leaving him? What if he turns her against me (which he has tried since the first month of our seperation..he takes her all over town so everyone can see them and think i'm just a low life person who is not involved, when in reality I take her with me to free places like Parks, Book stores, and Bird Museums and I read to her and paint her little toes, do her little nails and her hair.

 

I may not have all the money he has and can't take her to fancy football games but I do what I can with my more than MODEST budget.

 

The other night she said to me "Momma, I dnt' wanna go to Da Da's home, me wanna go home with you" I was tickled because usually she acts different once she's been with him for three days and by the time I get her I'm close to tears because she is telling me she wants her Da Da. I know...I know this is normal for a two year old (yes she is only two and a few months and already she's got me pegged.

 

 

I admire your views and you are not alone in your concerns for your childs future. I too fear that she will sadly make my old mistakes..I hope she wont..and I"ll try to protect her, but you know we can't be perfect...we can only do our best.

 

Its clear you are doing just that to me!

[Excalibur]

You becoming a balanced person is being a good mother.

 

You devoting your life to her happiness is being a dysfunctional parent, and you'llhave a dysfunctional child because of it.

[miracle29]

I love this ... I read it all. You sound AMAZING!

 

You sound so very strong ...

 

You only want the very best for your child ... That's admirable.

 

Alot of children out there DON'T have this sort of love ...

 

((hugs))

 

She is right, tons of kids would kill for a sappy mom!

 

My mom was a wondeful person, and she tried her best with us, however my father was so cruel and abusive, we were wishing or the days of norm. NEVER CAME!

 

Now i have a little girl and I don't want to be anything like my father. I am very careful when I dicipline her not to go overboard and usually I'm giving her a small little swat on her butt (two pats max) because she got into the AJAX and tossed it all over the rug, or took her diaper off and tossed it all over the place and then thinks its funny and laughs. Or she hits me and thats a no no...than i am later feeling like i'm wanting to cry cause she throws a fit and looks so pitiful. She'll even say "mama, don't spank me, me no like it" I'll say "be good and listen to Mama".

 

Last night she decided to kick me and try to run because I told her no more cookies after 8pm. She got a swat on her hand and said to me "you hurt my feewings". I was torn up, but I know if I don't get a grip on her now..she won't be a very productive citizen.

 

Tough love, but real love.

[RayKay]

Alright, I am NOT a parent, so let me just say that right away and I realize I am not...

 

But let me say that part of parenting your child is not to necessarily SHELTER them from pain and disappointment but rather to just support them through it. Life's joys require the pains to truly reap the joys as well, and part of her becoming a strong individual is knowing that SHE (or HE) can get through such disappointments and pain, and be supported with love and also sometimes tough love too.

 

I also think it is incredibly important to show that not only are you a mother, but a strong individual person - that while you can be a good mother, it does not mean you stop living YOUR life and being the person you are.

 

I have an amazing mother - she too was a single parent with three children for a while....and she is wonderfully loving and supportive. She however also has her own life - career, passions, hobbies. And is far from perfect. But to me, that is the best part. I see in her not only a mum I can count on, but also a strong role model of how motherhood does not mean the end of being "you" as a person, and that part of being human is also making mistakes. Strength comes from knowing how to admit to them, and how to learn from them. Balance, as another poster pointed out, is incredibly important.

 

Also realize...no matter how "great" you are as a parent/mum...your kids are still going to make their OWN mistakes, and kids are still going to grow and change into the people they are going to be and it does not mean it is "your fault" for not being good enough or controlling enough or any of that by any means!

[miracle29]

Ray...Kay..this is probably the most profound advice you've given thus far (and u are usually right on the money in most issues) this one was my favorite read from you. ;-)

[RayKay]

Ray...Kay..this is probably the most profound advice you've given thus far (and u are usually right on the money in most issues) this one was my favorite read from you. ;-)

 

Aw, thanks!

[melrich]

How old is the baby, Because if he/she is under 3, protecting from life and pain is exactly how you should feel. They cannot survive without you and you are given a set of emotions to ensure you fufill your role.

 

Independence and support comes later and you will find you will (or should) evolve naturally into those roles and out of the protection phase.

[m12988]

You should write a book on that lol. So many moms need to hear something like that, especially the last few lines you wrote. I'm tired of hearing poor mothers blaming themselves for things their kids did strictly on their own. Motherhood could be a lot less stressful if moms just understand that kids are going to make their own mistakes, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you and your parenting.

[RayKay]

You should write a book on that lol. So many moms need to hear something like that, especially the last few lines you wrote. I'm tired of hearing poor mothers blaming themselves for things their kids did strictly on their own. Motherhood could be a lot less stressful if moms just understand that kids are going to make their own mistakes, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you and your parenting.

 

Yes, I know I have told my own mum that before (in different ways, for different reasons) and wrote her letters before about all this....I am just so amazed by her!

 

I was surprised the first time my mum ever expressed she sometimes wondered if she had done things right, and I know sometimes she has felt bad too in regards for myself having to grow up so fast when my parents divorced, as we did not have a lot of money for example....I immediately told her in no way should she apologize!

 

And believe me, all of her kids (myself included!) made some mistakes - some small, some pretty big, but we all turned out to be pretty healthy, well-adjusted and interesting adults (even if a bit quirky in our own ways)...lol.

[Anna.]

How old is the baby, Because if he/she is under 3, protecting from life and pain is exactly how you should feel. They cannot survive without you and you are given a set of emotions to ensure you fufill your role.

 

Independence and support comes later and you will find you will (or should) evolve naturally into those roles and out of the protection phase.

 

She's 4 and 1/2 months old. I understand that I gave off the feeling that I think I can shield her from pain. I know I can't. i know am too idealistic and you guys are right i will have to get over that and let her live and learn. But, I was just being really honest. When I look at her right now I can't stand the thought of her experiencing pain. And my friends w/ kids have told me that the older they get and the more they can fend for themselves, the less you feel that super strong protective urge.

 

And I see that some of you are concerned that my child's the only thing in my life or that i might have a balance issues. I do have friends i spend time with and i am a junior in college and I have a real estate license and work, not much right now, but some. I just get overwhelmed (not in a bad way, just in general like a surge of emotions) sometimes at how much she has changed the way i see the world and at how strong my love for her is.

[melrich]

When I look at her right now I can't stand the thought of her experiencing pain.

 

That's completely normal.

 

And my friends w/ kids have told me that the older they get and the more they can fend for themselves, the less you feel that super strong protective urge.

 

So is that in my experience.

 

I just get overwhelmed (not in a bad way, just in general like a surge of emotions) sometimes at how much she has changed the way i see the world and at how strong my love for her is.

 

And so is that. Before I had kids a friend of mine who was a parent said I could not understand the love a parent has for a child. I argued the point. I now know he was right.

[Excalibur]

Great parents are those people that focus on creating the traits and perspective of a successful, secure, happy adult through the childhood nurturing, guiding and experiences rather than creating delighted children who often are miserable adults.

 

If ever time she migth go plop on her diaper, you rush in.....all that is going to happen is that you raise a fear based child, that is terrified of the unknown, and see everything she doesn't already do well as a threat, not a challenge.

[rocio]

And I see that some of you are concerned that my child's the only thing in my life or that i might have a balance issues. I do have friends i spend time with and i am a junior in college and I have a real estate license and work, not much right now, but some. I just get overwhelmed (not in a bad way, just in general like a surge of emotions) sometimes at how much she has changed the way i see the world and at how strong my love for her is.

 

I know what you mean. Sometimes when I look at my daughter I'm completely overwhelmed with these kinds of passionate emotions.