Somebody please help me...

[Lixxy]

My father has been an alcoholic for many, many years and I can't take it any more. When he is sober he is great, a real treat to be around but after a few days he will go on a bender and he turns into an obnoxious, arrogant and nasty piece of work. He denies that he has been drinking and makes out that everyone is accusing him of doing something that he hasn't done.

 

Even when he is slurring his words and staggering around he will deny that he has had anything and accuse everyone of making up lies about him.

 

My mother and I are at the end of our tether.

 

We have thought about putting him in counselling but if he won't admit there is a problem then what would be the point? I feel like I am going around in circles.

[george237]

Most people with addiction do not realize they have a problem until they hit rock bottom. Maybe you and your mom could write him a letter telling him how much you live him and how he changes when he drinks. You could also try videotaping him while he is drunk and then showing him when he is sober. I a truly sorry you are going through this. Also I am sure there is a hotline that you could call about this subject. Call your local police department or hospital.

[bchl]

why dont you try to film him when he's drunk... Then talk to him in a funny way... don't try to accuse him cuz nobody wants to be criticised... He might not even remember what he did when he was drunk either, so I think you should show it to him, but not for showing he was wrong, you were right ... but for telling him that alcohol does him no good.

[Dako]

There's no magic button to push that can cure an alky or show them the light. He can only quit when he has to, wants to and sees no other way. Most drunks fear the loss of a job or family, and work around that by just maintaining sobriety when needed. Employers or spouses hold the main power over a person like this.

 

You mother could tell him to sober up or get out. His boss could tell him to seek treatment or pick up his last check.

[lostandhurt]

I grew up with 2 functioning alcoholics until my mom left when I was 12. She never admitted she had a problem until the day she died. My father went into rehab 4 times and actually did well many times. He was able to admit his problems and did see how it hurt his children and job. Getting your father to admit the truth to himself may not be possible until he hits rock bottom. How long you and your mom are willing to wait and watch as he destroys the family and himself is the big question. I think writing a letter to your father that he can read and re-read might get your true feelings through without confrontation. I think he knows he has a problem but doesn't think it is that bad like most addicts. Your mother and you need to seek counseling for family members of alcoholics. There you will meet others just like you that might be able to help you make the right choice.

I wish you well and hope you will be able to get the help you need.

 

lost

[Wolf_22]

As for the "putting him in therapy" option, well, there is no option like that. A person cannot be forced to undergo therapy unless it's something like court-ordered or something along those lines.

 

I remember my alcoholic mother... We had some real blow-outs. When I was still living with her, there were so many times where the police had to come out. There was one time where my step-father was being held at knife-point by my mother while holding my little brother of 1 year old in his arms. How do ya think that made ME feel! HA! Obviously, I decided pretty quickly that my time there was limited. The last time I talked to my mother was about 8 years ago, and the scary thing is that it doesn't bother me.

 

As for you (OP), I advise ya to try whatever options you have left. You might try that thing families do where they all gather around the person and discuss the issue. You might try to call the cops and somehow rig-it to where you can take your father to court and have the judge administer some sort of alcoholic administration order to have him go to AA meetings and whatnot. If that doesn't work, then do like the others have said and either video tape him or kick him out (call the cops to help you two do this - may get wild).

 

I feel for you though. Living with an alcoholic causes severe problems later on on life. The chaos is the worst part because throughout time, you'll become anxious and paranoid of others due to living with the chaotic person.

[ghost69]

why dont you try to film him when he's drunk... Then talk to him in a funny way... don't try to accuse him cuz nobody wants to be criticised... He might not even remember what he did when he was drunk either, so I think you should show it to him, but not for showing he was wrong, you were right ... but for telling him that alcohol does him no good.

 

that actually worked for david hasselhoff. his kids did that. he quit.

[Lixxy]

I would like to thank everyone for your comments and suggestions, unfortunately he has been to AA (and usually turned up drunk), my mother has already threatened to leave him and actually got as far as seeing a Solicitor and that didn't work. We tried filming and he refused to admit that it wasn't just 'that one time' and said we were persecuting him.

 

Last night he grabbed a knife. I wrestled with him and finally got it off him, the police came but because he hadn't stabbed me or taken the knife on the street there was nothing they could do. They took him to the police station, just to give us some peace, whereupon he promptly faked a heart attack, he was taken to the hospital then discharged himself and came home, still drunk but now very arsey and belligerent. He says it is all out fault, that we made something out of nothing and humiliated him. As of this morning he is ignoring us and behaving like a petulant 5 year old.

 

My concern is my Mum, I live a couple of miles away with my partner, she won't leave the home she has worked so hard to make and he is determined to make her life a misery.

[Wolf_22]

Well look... If you're mother refuses to leave, and he refuses to leave, then it's either time for her to go see a lawyer or else time for you to worry about your own life.

 

You can't help anyone who refuses to help themselves. It sounds like your mother has more than enough ammo to get something started with all this. If she neglects to do anything, though, then it's time for you to let your mother become a big girl and fend for herself. It's tough love, but maybe that's what she needs to get things changed for her own life.