Want them back? I have the answer. I did it.

[JustaFool]

I was in the same situation most of you are dealing with right now. Pain, desperation, and a huge desire to get back your ex who broke your heart. Notice, I say I WAS in the same situation. Things are different now. I have advice for anyone trying to get their ex back:

1) Stop ALL contact. If they contact you, do not respond, do not answer the phone, etc. It's the hardest thing you will have to do, but you HAVE TO. Don't be afraid that they will not contact you. THEY WILL!

2) Force yourself to go out and try to have fun. Go places where people will see you. Date other people.(I know, I know, you don't want to) Jealousy is one emotion that people can't control very well. Once your ex gets wind of you dating someone else, they will be forced to remember what they originally saw in you. They will begin to dislike the fact that someone else may be getting what they once had.

3) Remember that this will take time. Things are not going to fall into place in a couple of days. (my situation took two months) Just for some help I'll tell you a little about my own situation and how I was dealing:

First couple of weeks I did the begging, pleading, etc. IT DOES NOT WORK! I went to see a therapist, which was the best move I ever. They helped me deal with issues so I would not carry them into a relationship with her or someone else. I had no contact for three weeks. The other night, I get a text message from her out of the blue that she heard a song on the radio(My Immortal by Evanescence) and she thought of me and she cried. I stayed strong and did not respond. Yesterday, she sends me an IM saying how the song made her think and that it knocked her walls down and she thinks about me all the time and misses me. She never said she missed me in the last two months. I didn't respond. Last night around midnight I was coming out of a gas station and was walking back to my car. Guess who was parked in the space next to me. The ex. She said that she saw me pull in and she stopped. We sat in the car and talked for about twenty minutes. I kept the conversation calm and upbeat, smiled alot, etc. She told me emotional things, although she didn't want to seem too emotional. "I think about you, miss you, still love you, etc." "So much reminds me of you." Realize that this girl that is sitting in the car with tears in her eyes is the same one that two months ago couldn't care if I lived or died. I kept my responses honest but not mushy. Example, "I miss you too, but ya know, it gets easier." I almost felt as though I was counseling her! I ended the conversation by saying that it was late and I needed to go. She asked for a hug goodbye and almost choked the life out of me. She didn't want to let go. See, where I stand now is here...Yes, the ball is still in her court to initiate contact, however I will be receptive to it. I am now in a situation where at first she had all the control. She is slowly losing it. At this point, I still love her more than anything, but to be honest, I don't know if I WANT HER BACK. I guess we'll have to see what happens. But for right now...I'm in control of my decisions and when the time comes I will be able to make a rational decision. One last thing, don't worry about someone else coming into your ex's life. My ex dates guys, but guess what, who is she still crying over? ME! Have faith..listen to my words and believe.

[determined]

That is legendary. I've been in the towing and fraying now for 6 months and keep doing the nice guy. We go 3 days not talking then she rings up crying, I rush to her aid, pick her up and then she moves on leaving me devastated.

 

I'm going to follow you man, at the end of the day no one will ever treat her like I did and that is a fact.

 

One question though did you actually face up to it that it was over and get in your head you would never be together again?

[determined]

sorry, I meant 6 weeks

[JustaFool]

This is a tough one. What I did was this. I know that I love her, but by forcing myself to try to move on, you wake up one day and realize you ARE moving on. I, of course, still have hope that we can work things out, however, it's not in my hands. She has to sort things out in her own mind(which she seems to be trying to do) Believe that you are not a worthless piece of crap and there are plenty of women out there who would love to share your company. No guy is going to step in and take over where you left off. I don't care who he is. I learned all this through my therapist. She helped me understand more than anyone will ever know. See, it's not that I told myself that it was over forever...I just decided to keep hope and faith but to let the pain go. By letting just the pain go, your mind is not clouded by emotion. You can think like a man and not be a puddle on the floor. My ex did the same thing weeks ago that yours is. It sounds terrible, but she calls you when she misses you, but once you respond in the way she expects, she gets her "fix" and is ok for another few days. If you need any help I will be glad to offer anything I can do.

[determined]

mate you are truly sound, amd your advise is extremely supportive. Does my situation sound anything like yours:

 

Basically I met my ex when I started uni, we fell head

>over heels with each other. Although we didn't move in

>we pretty much spent every night together for our

>first year and every day. In our second year we moved

>in together with some other friends. Things were great

>but in order to fund us we both worked night shifts on

>top of uni. We started to drift a little but we both

>knew we wanted to be together so worked hard to make

>things work, especially as we knew we were moving to

>London together for a year and then back to uni for

>our final year, there was a perfect model for us to

>work.

>

>My gf moved to London a month before, whilst alone I

>discovered she cheated on me and as a result we broke

>for a bit. I believe it was a huge mistake as she

>claims, her depression and tears proved this so please

>believe me on that notion. Anyway, I forgave her and

>moved to London with her in May. Things were amazing

>all summer, we were so happy to leave all the crap

>that happened back at uni behind us, with a new fresh

>exciting start in London. Again though work started

>putting pressure on us, as a result we drifted but

>still loved each other deeply. It all came to a head

>when she burts in tears saying she needed space,

>couldn't do the forever thing just yeat and felt

>trapped. Loving her so much I moved out to a friends

>house, it's been 6 weeks split from our 2 year

>relationship. I'm sleeping on a matress on a living

>room floor with my clothes in bin bags with all my

>stuff at her house (her uncles).

>

>We recently started meeting up, going for drinks,

>laughing, saying we miss and love each other, even had

>sex. However we are both seeing meanigless people on

>the side as a rebound which we both know has no future

>but are using as some kind of relief or affection

>base. I know this is wrong and have ended mine. We are

>seeing each other this weekend for a trip away to a

>fashion show (she studies fashion and I got VIP

>tickets through work so thought it would be a nice

>gesture). Last night whilst at hers she burts into

>tears after admiting I was seeing this rebound. She

>told me she loves me, I'm the one, she'll never meet

>anyone like me and want to be with me so badly in the

>future but is scared of screwing up and going through

>the hurt again. She is moving back to uni at the end

>of Dec and I wont be there until Sept. She ays it will

>be too hard right now being apart, but when I'm back

>at uni we could really make another go which will work

>after we have hhad our space and developed. She says

>she still wants ti come down and visit me and wants me

>to come up and visit her.

>

>Is there a chance, I know she loves me and I know I

>love her and want this to work. I'm going to get on

>with my life but with her in mind, and us working.

>

>Sorry for the elaborate tale, but thought it best you

>know everything to advise me. Let me know what you

>think, please.

[determined]

Also, how did you cope knowing that she was seeing someone else, I'm well aware that she is and I'm not. That is what hurts, but she does tell me he means nothing compared to me, just a crazy physical thing. It seems weird and almost disgusting that I sit there nodding going "ok ok whatever I hope you're happy" and take a rude drag on a ciggerette and try and look the other way. Man it just hurts but I musn't dwel;l, move on but have silent faith is that what you're saying.

[JustaFool]

Here's the deal. Can you control whether or not she sees other guys? NO! Tell yourself that you will only concern yourself with issues that you can have an effect on. Do what I do, when I heard my ex was seeing someone. Laugh to yourself, and say, "She can try all she wants, but she's never gonna find another (Put your name here!)" Don't think for one second that she isn't looking at him and comparing everything he says and does to you. My ex confessed that she did this. It's human nature. Take a step back and let her see how "great" this guy really is. Man, get out there and date! No strings attached dates. You're not looking for marriage, just dinner or a few drinks! That is one way to make her rethink. Women can't control jealousy, especially when it comes to competition with another female.

[lararull]

There is so much advice here for us! I'm so glad i found this site. Your post is great, and it just gives me more advice then i could have hoped for! I have to mention this post as well to all of us, i consider the ultimate post on the topic-

 

link removed

 

 

lara

[Senna]

lt's so good that thing's worked out for you but you must remember that sometimes thing's don't work out, nobody should lose sight of that. for me it's been 4 months with no contact with my ex she could be dead for all l know it broke my heart for so long but now l'm over it and greaful for it. with my had on my heart l can tell you now that l never want to see my ex again l have no reason to anymore.

l wish everyone luck it's a tough ride ahead

[nels101]

I think this is really good advice. I was going to cut a trip short to Hawaii to come back and hang out with my ex on New Years eve. Mostly I wanted to do that so I could be with her to see if I could get her to take me back and. But by reading these posts I have decided that I need to live my life and maybe she'll come back on her own. Instead of being depressed that I'm not getting the attention I want from her, I'll be sitting on the beach with a few beers. Sure it will be hard wondering what she's doing and who she's with, but maybe she'll be wondering the same thing. I do have plans to see her a couple times over the next 2 weeks (plans that can't really be changed) but after that and I leave on my trip, I am going to cut off communications and see what happens.

[determined]

Ok, she texted me last night about how she had a bad day at work etc, I txt back saying its ok but not a mushy needy just to the point. Today I decided I'm starting the severence of contact. However, she is leaving to move 3 hrs away up north in a week and a half, so should I meet her if she contacts me, to leave one final lasting impression that I'm happy, funny and we are great together?

 

Also, I was outside my office haveing a cheeky ciggerette when this girl walks past, quite nice and holds my stare. "I know you, you use to work in the student union bar in Newcastle". For those in the USA Newcastle is 3 hours North of London where my ex and I lived together through university, she's moving back in Jan 04 and I'm moving back in Sept 04 for our final years. Anyway to be in London and bump into a girl who recognised me from uni was just crazy, what are the odds. I was convinced that somethings are just too strange to explain logically. Anyway, we chatted for a bit, she's really nice, works in my building and she emailed me asking if I fancy a drink.

 

So glad I didn't have to actually go to a bar to meet a girl for a date etc, this seems to have fallen on my lap and my confidence seems so much improved. Even though I haven't even been on a date or know this girl. For all I know she may have a boyfriend etc etc. My point is that things tend to just happen when we relax. For example reading this forum, chilling with my grief and going for a ciggerette. If I hadn't read this, felt relaxed and then gone outside I would never have bumped into her, freaky huh. My ex is my objective still, but this seems a really good way of nurturing myself. Furthermore as I still love my ex (I wont tell this girl that obviously or even mention her) I can act confident with my date as I wont be emiting any needy signals, do u know what I mean?

 

Anyway, cheers to you all, hopefully I wont be back complaining how I was stood up!

[sleepers]

hi guys, i realised its just been the guys waiting for the girl. what if i am the girl waiting for my guy to return to me? i did one complete silly thing this evening and we got on top of each other. but eventually stop..

 

i want to do this no contact thing too. BUt i don't know if it's going to work. we didn't had contact for 5 days cos he was out of town but right after that, we spoke to each other on the phone again. I don't know if things will work out between us and look positive all the way (because right now, its currently bleak). I am trying to win his heart back (first time hearing girls do that eh) and i am sending stuff to his house daily for him and when he's sick lately, i got him medicine and the next day, i bought a sunflower for him to brighten up his day.

 

BUT, i want him to be back as my BF SO BADLY! SO BADLY that i can imagine myself doing the darniest things. I don't know why can't i wait till one month or so and see if things turn out for the better. BUt it just seems i am so impatient and want him back. What should i do guys?? Help me out here.

 

His actions tell me he wants me back. His words tells me no, he doens't want me back. WHAT DO I DO? Things are hard for me to cope already.

 

I m planning on booking a christmas dinner at somewhere nice. BUT will it be a good gesture?

 

I told him to have faith in me. BUt he doesn't seem to understand wat is faith. Help me out here. I am getting so upset AGAIN!

 

Tks for listening

[determined]

I know I know. Even though I went out for drinks with this girl last night I ended up txting the ex this morning as she is moving 3 hours away up north. Said let me know if there is anything she would like to see or do before she goes away as I we should have a mad one before she moves. She txt saying definitely and then porceeded to tell me how she got wasted last night bla bla. She feels like she has to let me know she is always out having a good time? Why? She ended it so why keep telling me how much fun she is having.

 

I understand wht you're experiencing. Whenever we meet me and my ex kiss, hug, hold hands say we love each other and then she just goes cold unless I make the first attempt at contact. I wonder if I didn't do anything whether she would even bother getting in touch? Sometimes she does like when it's been 4 days no contact. But then she comes over and stays the night with no sex but just hugs. I'm so confused as she is seeing some idiot but tells me its just a physical thing???

 

When she moves away in 1.5 weeks my plan is to send her an xmas present and then sever contact. She says she still want me to visit her and wants to come down and see me but whether this is just whilst she is here I dont know?

 

Anyway, back to you, it is hard as mixed messages screw everything up. When you try and cut away they give you a little sign and then when you get closer they pull away or go cold. I guess the only thing you can do is do what I do and it's horrrible but date other people not becasue you want someone else but because yoy need a distraction. Many people say that that is what she is doing with this guy but only time will tell. Try and be the one who doesn't instigate any contact. Let him be the one that comes to you, but then it is so hard as you see this person as the closest human to you so why should you sever contact. Remember it's no longer a relationship but now a game of mental strategym who will play who and who will win. If you win then you'll be able to shed that way of thinking, if you loose you will by that time probably have met someone else. Time can only tell. I hope for both of us that we win.

 

By the way did you do the break up?

 

Hope I was some help

xxx

[determined]

Also to Justafool when you broke up did you feel that you were always chasing her and that she never instigated contact before you decided to sever?

[sleepers]

nope i didn't. he asked for it saying he didn't trust me anymore. knowing the reason only today. i felt totally horrible, i was crying and hoping he would stay on..

 

he gives me signals that he still wants me back, but another part of him tells him to hold back. I am so confused right now. I don't know what i should do at all. I love him, i want him to be happy. i try not to call him, but somehow or rather, we somehow have a reason to be on the phone. I know i might be relying on him too much.. its just that i put so much into this relationship without knowing WHEN the wrong happened.

 

now, i am hoping to make things right again. but i do not know where to go, what to start on.. sighs, miserable me.. never have i been so wretched.. help

[determined]

Also justsfool did your ex act like she was having an awesome time by herself, seeing other guys, going out etc.

 

Mine goes through stints of txting me loads then going cold, when she's cold she lets me know she is going out all the time getting wasted with her friends etc. Did yours do this? How would you read it?