nels101

My fiance told me 2 weeks ago that she had cheated on me. We've talked a lot since then and she wants time to figure out what's going on in her life and I need time too to figure out my life and if I could ever be with her again after doing something like that. When she told me I was really mad and yelled and called her all the names in the book. But since then we have not had any angry talks. This is actually a problem for her. She wants me to sit her down and yell and tell her how what she did made me feel. She's worried that I am bottling everything up inside and it will blow one day. But I'm having trouble with her request. It feels weird to make an appointment with her just so I can yell. Right now I am still so confused that I don't know what to say or where to start. Someone suggested that I should write a letter that focuses soley on my anger. Nothing about how much I love her or how great our life was. Just my feelings on what she did and how I feel about it now. Any other thoughts on how to handle this?

I think this is really good advice. I was going to cut a trip short to Hawaii to come back and hang out with my ex on New Years eve. Mostly I wanted to do that so I could be with her to see if I could get her to take me back and. But by reading these posts I have decided that I need to live my life and maybe she'll come back on her own. Instead of being depressed that I'm not getting the attention I want from her, I'll be sitting on the beach with a few beers. Sure it will be hard wondering what she's doing and who she's with, but maybe she'll be wondering the same thing. I do have plans to see her a couple times over the next 2 weeks (plans that can't really be changed) but after that and I leave on my trip, I am going to cut off communications and see what happens.

What kind of a man starts up a relationship (physical or otherwise) with a girl with a diamond on her finger? The code of men clearly states that this woman is off limits. What kind of a coward ignores that symbol of love. The right thing to do is to tell her to come back when she is free or to confront the fiance or husband first. Sure she is to blame also, but I would love to understand the mindset of this kind of man. Is it just for the sex? Is sex really worth getting beaten up for? And that's another thing, within reason, what kind of a man would I be not to give this guy a serious a$$ whooping?

Thanks for all the advice everyone. It's really nice to hear encouraging words and first hand accounts of similar events. I confronted her over the phone the other night (not too accusatory) about whether she was with this guy again. She denied it, but in the end it doesn't really matter. I don't feel that she has too much remorse and is still just stringing me along. But I have decided to give her this week to think and tell me her thoughts when I see her this weekend. My mind is pretty much made up, but for my own sake, I want to hear what she has to say. I have been calm for the past two days so I am prepared to hear anything. Thanks again and I'll let you all know how things go.

My fiance and I are currently in a long distance relationship. She moved away only 3 months ago after she quit her job and felt she couldn't stay in the area. We have seen each other every weekend since then and things have been good. However, 3 weekends ago I couldn't make the drive to see her. She just started making new friends and met a guy who she liked talking to. He said they couldn't be friends because he was attracted to her. She was curious and interested. And of course the weekend I didn't see her, she slept with this guy. She told me a week ago and we have been trying to talk things out together for a week. She really sounded like she wanted to work things out the most, but as the days went on, she had more and more questions. She asked for this week to think about things. One of my stipulations was that she remember that we are still engaged and she needs to act appropriately (even though she didn't before). This whole infidelity thing kills me but I love her enough to try to work on stuff. However I am also jealous and suspicious. She is alone in the town where this guy is. She told me she wouldn't call him but I know she called him yesterday before I left. And I am 90% sure that after she called to check in on my drive that she went over to his house. She says that the short affair was just a fantasy thing and could never work out. But she didn't live up to her end of our engagement once and I believe again. I am suppose to talk to her on Friday but with this new info I feel like I should just end it now so I don't have to suffer needlessly this week. And since I'm not 100% sure about last night, should I confront her about that first?