JonnyG Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 *Thread closed* Yes, i guess im not ready to commit. Thats why i split up with her, cause i couldnt commit. Thats why is she is out looking for others and dating others. Im not stopping her and contact is progressivly becoming less as we grow apart. I didnt really want any comments about my situation as i stated, i merely used it as an example of the question i intial asked on the topic. Yes i can appreciate what everyone has said, i do honestly feel bad enough about the situation, i hate myself for having this problem, i cant help having feelings for her tho, I would love to propose to this girl, but it seems it wont be. Thanks to at least the first poster who gave an example of when they got themselves in a position of uncertainty, i guess like you Batya33 that it is right person, wrong time. Sucks heh. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 I think you're confusing perfect for you with perfect on paper. I think that when you need to focus too much on the list of attributes you might be focusing on the wrong things, the simpler things like 'How does she make me feel about me?" "Am I inspired to give to this person?" To me a sign of a good match is when it wouldn't occur to you to comparison shop. It doesn't occur to me to think "let's say I could get someone with all the attributes I like about" the person but with none of the ones I don't. Because people are not a list of attributes and most of the time feelings are not based on a list of attributes. This overanalysis also can become an excuse for getting down to the basics of what is going on here. Many years ago I ended a brief relationship with a guy who was a few years older than me and really wanted to settle down "yesterday." I found it too much, too fast, too overwhelming. I had a major crush on a bad boy type, who I chose. Then I tried to get him back but it was too late. Do I regret it now, -well, not now I don't. Did I ever - yes but i accepted that the timing wasn't right - I was just out of a long relationship and had cancelled an engagement and it wasn't going to work. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Well the negatives you list tell me you are not really ready for a commitment. There are no real negatives about "her" just about how you perceive her and your future. So that said it is good you are apart and i suggest you let her go entirely because quite honestly she sounds like a real catch and should find a man who does not have these kinds of doubts about a future with her. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 You knew she was 8 years older when you hooked up with her....so???????? I think you just don't want a commitment..so don't commit!!!! Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 You most definitely should not continue to see her if you think you won't commit. You are wasting her time at an age she should be trying to find someone to marry if she wants children. in fact, i think you need to stop contacting her and really move on. perhaps you are feeling a little nostalgic because she told you she is dating someone else now, and you see that door closing. the interesting thing about commitmentphobics is that they can't commit to being with someone, but they can't really commit to breaking up with them either. they want all doors and options open, all the time. so maybe marriage and commitment just isn't for you, at least until you decide you are tired of hopping from woman to woman. let her go, and let her find someone who does want to be with her and doesn't worry about her being 'old'. Link to comment
Litgirl01 Posted April 27, 2008 Share Posted April 27, 2008 Exactly!!! Read this: link removed Link to comment
DieTeufelKatze Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 (Post removed and made into new topic) Yes, just ended my relationship with someone who was basically perfect for me, but has commitment problems. I'll be posting it in a new thread, if you're interested in the full story. Link to comment
jomb28 Posted April 28, 2008 Share Posted April 28, 2008 i realized that this commitment is also one of my mistakes why she left me. but she just keep saying that the problem is w/ her. all i know is that she loved me and i love her but i never let her feel about planning our future. we broke up 3 weeks ago. im just afraid to tell her all my plans with her. now i know that i have to improve this Link to comment
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