I called...and she's w/someone new already!

[DestructoBoy]

My heart is in my throat as I try to make sense of these new feelings....

 

We've been broken up for a month or longer and she's already seeing a guy that is in her class that she knew before we broke. I was doing very good with not calling her and not answering the phone if she called. I started feeling a lot better and stronger but then I made the error of calling her last week after she sent an email saying she missed me. I don't know what I was thinking now. It started off pretty good, then she said she was seeing this guy and they went to his bros. wedding and spent the night at his place. She swears she's not sleeping w/him and that she's not really seeing him, but she's with him everyday practically and now that she lives at her mothers house again I know she's always at his apartment. She says he's just cool and she likes hanging out with him. I'm destroyed after this!

I can't stop picturing her doing the sexy things w/him that she use to do w/me! She's very sexual and I know she's already sleeping with him. She always lied to me so why would she stop now. She also said she is very happy now and likes her new life a lot. I know it's because she is already interested in someone else. I asked her if she ever thought she would be with me again and she said NO.....never again. I made a huge mistake by calling her and showing her that I'm still very upset about not having her. It seemed to make her a lot stronger when she hears that I'm having a hard time moving on. I feel like I went back two weeks in my getting over her and my depression.

I feel like she doesn't miss or care about me at all anymore. We were together for 4.5 yrs and lived together for about 3 yrs. We had plans to get married and had a whole future planned. How can she just move on and be so happy with someone new already?

I couldn't imagine starting another relationship yet? I've met several other girls but couldn't imagine more than dating innocently at this time. I'm still trying to heal from this and don't plan on having a relationship until I can be happy with being alone (which has been VERY hard!!).

I look back at our relationship and see she treated me very badly and lied all the time to me about everything (I wasn't an angel either), but I loved her so much and we had a very special connection that seemed it would last forever. I still want her so bad and I don't even know why? I think it's because I'm afraid to face my own life alone right now? I live away from my family and friends. I met her right when I moved here from the Midwest and this will be the first X-Mas and New Years that she isn't with me.

I don't know what to do? I have a new job at a great law firm and stay very busy with it and school, but I still think about her all the time. It's getting easier everyday but I still have really bad days like today. I cried on and off all day wondering how she could be with him and not even care about me anymore? I'm a great loving guy and have many friends and get along with everyone.....how am I so insecure and put down by this girl? I can't let go and she can so easily!!?? I try not to hate her and make peace with my endings but this really pisses me off!!

Everyone says she will call me and want me back eventually but I know her better than they do, she's done and moved on. She said she would like to be friends eventually and be able to call me to see how I'm doing on occasion. Right now I don't think I could answer the phone. I want to get past her and make myself better physically and mentally before I ever see her, or anyone new for that matter, again. I want her to think that I'm doing great without her but I screwed that up by calling her and being pathetic, sad and weak. Now she thinks that I'm still a wreck over her and it makes her happy that she is stronger than me and can move on easier. I hate this!!

I don't know what to do? I still can't eat or sleep and this has really effected my school work. I'm trying to be ConstructoBoy but I can't move on and still want her back.....hence the DestructoBoy. How can I be strong and not care that she's with someone new already? How can I get happy when I've already been trying so hard to keep busy and get by? Sorry for the novel. I hope a few of you made it through to the end and have some advice!

Please help me construct rather than destruct.

-Destructo

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Ok destructo man. THat's see, u sound really confused with things and it seems like there's a million thoughts going through ur head all at once. First you have to prioritize and take a step back from it all. Do you still love her or not. You say she always lie to you, now its definitely possible you still love her but why did you ignore her calls and everything, wouldn't that have served you right? You could've missed ur chance to be back with her.

 

Now she could really be in love with someone else or just using him as a rebounder to get ur attention. She could still have feelings for you or she could just be wanting to get u back for what u did to her. Either way she's tearing you apart. You should definitely decided wether you want her back or not, it sounds like you do but its only now that she's with someone else you seem to want her, do you really?

 

THere's nothing wrong with seeing someone else after a month, its kinda normal in a way especially when you want to get over someone fast. Take it slow and easy.

 

Happy Heb

[brookeP21]

Ok destructo man. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. dont listen to the message above me because she is wrong!! you were right not to pick up your phone and to take all her calls. you needed your space. most people when they break up dont talk to there ex for a good few months but i know how you feel. I had a boyfriend for 3 years. we were engaged for over a year and a half and suppose to be getting married in february. We broke up exactly 1 month ago . my situation is a little different because after we broke up, we still hung out, slept together and talked on a day-to-day basis. on friday the 5th of december he came over to my house and made love to me. yesterday he called me up to tell me that he took another girl on a date the night before. how could he come over and make love to me the night before he took another girl on a date. and to top it all off. he told me that he "doesnt know" if he wants to date her. How can someone who really loves you get over you in 1 month. i know how you feel. i feel completelly USED and BETRAYED. the only person that i have ever trully loved and trusted has betrayed that. but heres some advice that a very good friend gave me. Dont sit there and think that you are never going to find someone like her again. YOU DONT WANT SOMEONE LIKE HER AGAIN!!! it didnt work out with her and she treated you like crap, you want someone better that is more deserving for what you have to offer. and secondly, dont think this is your fault. If you are still willing to make it work between you to and she doesnt jump at the oppertunity, than she is the one that loses. just know that you did everything that you could to try and make this work. she is the one that was to afraid to take a risk. one thing to remember is that every relationship has its ups and downs, and every one has problems, its not what you do when everything is great that shows when you love somebody, its what you do when everything is not great that shows if you trully love someone. She is not over you though, so dont think that she doesnt even care about you. she has the same void you do, but the difference is, is that she is trying to fill that by jumping into another relationship so quickly. Its the wrong thing to do, because its being done for the wrong reasons. The best thing to do would be to cut off all contact for a while. I know its hard, and i am kinda a hypacrit, because i have yet to STILL do that, but its the only way to move on with your life. If someone that you loved decides that they done love you anymore, then they DONT deserve you. try and keep your head up, and just remember, that even though you probably cant see it now, she probable did you a huge favor. think if you would have been married already. thats what i keep thinking. The hard part is not having them there. thats what i miss, is not being able to call him and give him a kiss whenever i want. Everyone keeps telling me it will get better but i dont feel like it will. just know that you are not the only person out there who feels this way, and that if someone trully loved you UNCONDITIONALLY........then they would want it to work between you too until there was absolutelly no hope. I know you miss her now, but one day you will see that she will not be the last girl that you love. just know that none of this is your fault, and that you tried everything to make it work, the ball was in her court ant she passed it up with no problem. that should just tell you what kind of a person it is. I know that when you talk to her, that you feel like she is a completelly different person, but instead of thinking about it that way just think of it as you finally found out how she really was. just cut off all contact and try and move on with your life. there is someone out there that is going to make you 1000 times more happier than you ever thought you were with her. if you need to talk or vent a little, my email adress is email removed. feel free to email me anytime if you need someone to talk to .

[akatoro]

It's not what you do when everything is great that shows when you love somebody, its what you do when everything is not great that shows if you truly love someone.

 

Wow, powerful words.. And they ring very true as well!

I am also in a similar situation and I think that I have finally chosen the "no contact"-solution.

 

I hope that everything works out for the two of you.

I really do, because if you can do it; then I should be able to as well.

[DestructoBoy]

I don't think she'll ever want to be with me again. She seems to be very happy now without me and with this new guy. It makes me feel very crazy! I wish I just went on with the "no contact" that I started and never called to find out about this. I had been calling her at least once a week trying to get her back for a month. Now she says she is very happy and loves her new life w/out me.

 

I don't understand how she can move on so quickly? I have had opportunities to date other girls and move on but I really don't feel that I'm ready to start a new relationship yet. I really need to be over her or it wouldn't be fair to a new girl. Everytime I meet a new girl and start talking with her it makes me miss her more? I think I'm crazy!?

 

She was my world and I loved being around her all the time. I just wish I could hold her in my arms and have her fall asleep on me like she always did. Now she's with this other guy everynight and it kills me. How could she just get over 4.5-5 year relationship and living together for three years so soon?

 

I'm going to continue to not contact her. I should've stuck with my guns in the first place. A member here named jcollins said to give it 21 days and see if the addiction passes....but if you slip up and call or email the 21 days start over. It's only been 5 days and it feels like a year. I hate that she doesn't care how I am. She seems so strong and has moved on so easily. I know that my calling her and trying to get her back has actually pushed her away. I wish she were miserable like me. I hate to say that, but I just wish this seemed hard on her too. This is so hard on me it's really taking affect on my school and sanity. We were planning a long future and she said she never knew she could fall more in love with me. Now she is moving on and so happy with everything. I feel so left behind and stupid for this. I tried so hard to get her back. I actually begged for her to give it another try. I NEVER beg for anything!

 

Now she's with this guy who was supposedly her friend in class. She doesn't really have any other friends so why would she jump in with this guy if she wanted to be his friend? If it doesn't work she won't be able to have him as a friend. I wonder if she really likes him a lot or just liking the attention and the newness (if that's a word?) he offers. I hate it and it's making me hate her and I never wanted to feel this way.

 

I don't know if I'll ever answer her call again....(if she calls). I know she will in a month or two and act like she's just seeing how I'm doing. I hate this. I wish I never knew about her and this new guy. I was doing fine...now I'm crazy again. DON'T EVER CALL!! Make them wonder about you! Learn from my mistake!!

 

-destructo