What should I do?

[DayHell]

I broke up with my ex in dec, we'd lived together the whole year. on new years i found out she had a new bf. shes 18 hes 26. it made me feel pretty crappy that she took all of 3 or 4 weeks to get over me. so i decided after 3 years it was time to severe the ties. i told her we should go our separate ways, she said she still wanted to be friends but if its what i wanted then fine. what i really wanted was for her to show some signs of hurt or missing the relationship. i guess going NC and just not knowing what she was feeling was the next best thing.

 

through jan i would find myself checking her myspace and getting pretty upset every time i saw her uploading new pictures of her and her new boyfriend hugging and kissing and stuff. it was hard but i eventually did what i had to do and removed her from the friends list, i deleted all her messages, removed anything that reminded me of her and focused on myself. when ever i think of her i make myself think about the bad things, and the things that really annoyed me. then i try and think of how much better my next relationship is going to be.

 

anyways, the last few months i've been doing really good and thinking about her less and less. she messaged me randomly once or twice just saying ' hey, how you doing' and stuff like that. i'd give her short replies the next day telling her i'm doing great and that was it i'd think nothing more of it.

 

and now today she's sent an invite to add me to her facebook page. for some reason it's just hit me like a ton of bricks. i have no idea why. i saw new friend request, and i said in my head 'man i hope its not her' and then there she was. with a display picture of her and her new bf no less. it's just got me so down for some reason. i guess cause she's still with this guy, nearly 5 months now, obviously not just a rebound. they're already living together and have 2 pet dogs. and now its like she had the audacity to add me as a friend? she probably assumes i'm completely over it, which i guess i thought i was too, but still i don't understand why she'd be adding me. if she cares what i'm doing she'd send me an sms or email or something. and i don't really see what sort of 'quality catching up' she hopes to get done over facebook.

 

i can only imagine what sort of stuff i'd find on her page if i accepted. which is why i'm hesistant. but then i don't want her to think i'm still not over her you know. guess i'm just not sure what to do. accept the invite and play all friendly and engage in some small talk with the risk of opening up old wounds, or ignore it and maybe have her trying to contact me another way or thinking i'm still not over it.

 

i dunno, i really didn't think i'd be feeling this way again after being so over her the last few weeks. can't believe something as small as this has knocked me over. what are your thoughts on her motivations and what should i do?

[Angel_baby]

Don't accept the request.

 

Something as simple as seeing the request and her picture with him sent you in a downwards spiral. You are not ready to be "just friends" with her yet.

 

Ignore her.

 

You have been doing very well in trying to move on with your life. Don't take steps backwards over Facebook. Keep doing what you have been.

 

i can only imagine what sort of stuff i'd find on her page if i accepted. which is why i'm hesistant. but then i don't want her to think i'm still not over her you know

 

This to me sounds like you are trying to come up with reasons why you "should" accept. Because I think even you know that you shouldn't.

Who cares what she thinks...? You have yourself to worry about.

 

You have been doing great so far, just try to throw this behind you and keep moving forward.

[orangesoda]

Rebounds can last much longer than 5 months. I would still say that the new BF is a rebound, all the signs are there. Getting together so quickly after a breakup (only a few weeks after) and moving too fast (living together, getting pets)...it's a defense mechanism to avoid the pain, sadness, and loneliness of a breakup.

 

Once the honeymoon period ends, the rebound usually loses their 'attractiveness' and because they got too serious too fast, it's like 'ok, what do we do now?' That's when rebound relationships start to die a quick death because they got together for all the wrong reasons.

 

I also think your ex is too young to be settling down. Many (not all, not most, but many) women under 25 simply don't know what they want in a life partner. Hell, not many guys under 25 know either.

[LNelson]

I agree completely with Angel_baby and orangesoda ... Excellent advice!

[wtm78]

just tell her nicely that you needed your space and NC.. ask her to respect your NC.. if she wants to be friend maybe not now.. but after you have healed...

[DayHell]

cheers for the replies

 

Something as simple as seeing the request and her picture with him sent you in a downwards spiral. You are not ready to be "just friends" with her yet.

 

yeah you're right. the thing is i'm not really sure i want to be friends with her. ever. i was pretty sure i 'nothinged' her you know, didn't care what she was doing. which is why it's so weird something this small got to me.

 

i guess its just i can't understand at all her motivation behind it.

 

orangesoda i hope you're right, and they're all the things that i keep telling myself. no matter which way i look at it i just can't see how it can work. but everything so far points to it working out fine. i know how easy it is to be with her, and i don't really think it takes that much to make some people happy. seems like she just needs 'a boyfriend'. she'd always say how she felt down cause her life was going nowhere and how she wanted to make more friends and have a young exciting life and a relationship was tying her down. yet after a few weeks she's ran right back into one, and developed it so quickly so that she can move in with him and sleep with him every night. it's almost like she realised she can't be by herself and so she rushed out and found a replacement to fill the void. but if that was the case i really can't see why it's gone on so long with such a big age difference and why they still seem so happy.

 

and most of all i don't even know why i care. i shouldn't and i wish i didn't but for some strange reason i do.

 

thankyou misskitty i think you're right. i too would love to see me meet someone else!

 

if she wants to be friend maybe not now.. but after you have healed...

do you think thats all that she wants? i keep trying but just can't seem any real reason behind her wanting to add me. i've made it pretty clear we can't be friends. and we've both known the other has had a facebook page for a month or two. seems so weird that out of the blue she would add me? i'd like to think it's not because she wants to rub my face in how happy she is. and if it is sincere what is she hoping to get out of a few 'hey, hey you doing,bla bla' messages??

[wtm78]

do you think thats all that she wants? i keep trying but just can't seem any real reason behind her wanting to add me. i've made it pretty clear we can't be friends. and we've both known the other has had a facebook page for a month or two. seems so weird that out of the blue she would add me? i'd like to think it's not because she wants to rub my face in how happy she is. and if it is sincere what is she hoping to get out of a few 'hey, hey you doing,bla bla' messages??

 

try telling her that you need time and space to heal.. if it is not about getting back together, please let you have the time to heal and maybe when you recover you guys can hang out again... but not now...