BeStrongBeHappy Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Nope. Not much of a fighter... won't really date someone who is argumentative by nature. Link to comment
Anna. Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Well my last relationship certainly ended for that reason, and not just "quarrels," but full on fights. Like in the fron yard screaming matches where somebody had to leave it was so bad. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 i guess fights are unavoidable... as long as it is kept at healthy level... in fact fights are healthy.. it helps the 2 to sort out difference... but i stress on fights that does not go out of control... Link to comment
jengh Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 yep, that's why my last real relationship ended. We were SO incompatible... he was a conservative hunter, I a liberal animal-rights activist so-to-speak.... we'd get in full-on screaming matches. most were alcohol induced, once I kicked the door on my old car so hard it nearly fell off.... Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 We had our share of fights, but I think they were a symptom, not the disease. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 i think we fight because our primary needs are not met... we are using all sorts of "despicable" ways to get them... its a primary mode of survival... can be controlled i guess... Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Al has a section in the Map of Relationships where he talks about the "Power Struggle" phase of relationships which follows the Romantic Stage and describes it as "Hurt 'em til they love you." As he puts it: You complain, criticize, lecture, blame, judge, shame, argue, humiliate, avoid, stonewall, be silent, yell, and even hit. And all of this is done with the purpose of making things better. “I just want to get back to the way it was.” The Power Struggle is a lengthy and fruitless attempt to get back to romantic love. BTW, I think the Power Struggle is why most rebounds fail. I think that generally the people in rebounds only considered the romantic phase and are totally unprepared for this phase. Of course, a lot of non-rebounds probably fail in this phase, too. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 ya.. i read that too... sometimes we get caught in power struggle when we dont even realise it ourselves... how is your session with Al? Link to comment
Taylor527 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Naw, I'm not really a fighter... but it was because we were incompatible and not what each other wanted. Link to comment
EyesOnThePrize Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 ya.. i read that too... sometimes we get caught in power struggle when we dont even realise it ourselves... how is your session with Al? Its tomorrow morning. I'll let you know. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 i think we fight because our primary needs are not met... we are using all sorts of "despicable" ways to get them... its a primary mode of survival... can be controlled i guess... I would agree with this. If you have a healthy relationship, then you have more discussions then you do fights. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 I would agree with this. If you have a healthy relationship, then you have more discussions then you do fights. that i will have to disagree... fights are actually healthy... but you need to learn your boundaries in fighting... Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I don't fight. I don't mind having a disagreement, we all have those. But to fight? No, I wont stay in a relationship with a man who wants to fight. It's not worth it, and to me...not healthy. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 i think there are 2 schools of thoughts out there... one teaching you fight is necessary and how to fight fair in order to maintain initmacy.. the other, like yourself, believe in discussions, debates and may have heated arguments, but the result of suck interactions are usually positive... Link to comment
Brokenhearted87 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Naw, I'm not really a fighter... but it was because we were incompatible and not what each other wanted. In the weeks since our split, my ex has come out with something along these lines....on his side. Said that we are quite different and it just wasn't "right", we weren't that "compatible" and when I meet the right guy I'll laugh with him about how he, as my bf, "was waaaay off". I'm pretty pissed at him for this to be honest. As we have never had a single fight, barely a disagreement, had such a laugh together, no signs of unhappiness on his side and get along extremely well. He has told me so many different reasons why we're over that I don't know what the hell to believe anymore. I am beginning to think his family had a lot to do with it. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 oh girl.. i am sorry to hear about your spilt... but break up do not happen overnight... it really sucks to be taken by surprise... but the real reason doesnt matter... because he will not tell you... people just come out with all sorts of reasons to spilt when their heart already decided to, long before the actual spilt... i hope you will be fine... keep posting... hang in there... Link to comment
GlindaGoodWitch Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 That was the ONLY reason we broke up. We had to address the reasons for all the insane bickering. I think with a LDR, feelings of neglect are common and then you argue about... ...everything! We're working on it at the moment...hope we get a chance to "make up" in person...like the rainbow after the storm! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Constant fighting is a sign of incompatibility and that would be a sign that yes, a break up is most likely imminent unless both parties are willing to make some drastic changes to their current method of operation. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 you are right... in LTR you do argue alot.. some couples get pass that stage... some dont... my didnt... Link to comment
Brokenhearted87 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 oh girl.. i am sorry to hear about your spilt... but break up do not happen overnight... it really sucks to be taken by surprise... but the real reason doesnt matter... because he will not tell you... people just come out with all sorts of reasons to spilt when their heart already decided to, long before the actual spilt... i hope you will be fine... keep posting... hang in there... Yeah....but I guess I would have liked to have him talk to ME about it rather than his mother and sisters over a cup of coffee. "I run everything by my family to see if I'm making the right move or not"...thanks. Cos they really know the intricacies of our relationship. Link to comment
wtm78 Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 sometimes it takes courage to face the reality... but maybe he didnt have the courage to face you? Link to comment
OIO Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I think you start to really argue a lot when the relationship gets stale and boring, especially when one party starts to look at the exit, which inevitably is the beginning of the end... Link to comment
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