Falling in love with another... Need help

[ineedyourhelp]

Hey all, my situation is very confusing and any help anyone would be able to shed on it would be of immense value...

 

So, i'm 23 and i've been with my current girlfriend for about 3 and a half years. Our relationship is very solid. I love her with all my heart and would do anything for her. We attend different colleges, but live very close together. We usually spend the entire and every weekend together.

 

I met a girl at my school and we became instant friends. We have some sort of instant connection. Almost by the 3rd time we were hanging out by friends it was obvious we were developing feelings of more than just friendship. She has made me feel alive again. ( if that makes sense )

 

I still love my girlfriend and would miss her immensely if i was to break up with her, but i am developing feelings for this new girl like i've never experienced before. I mean, i feel as if i am in love with both of them, and i know that this cannot go on.

 

The idea of cheating on my g/f makes me sick to my stomach, but i feel as if i am at a crossroads where something must happen. I cannot forget this new girl, and i cannot breakup with my girlfriend, as i still love her very much. I know this is immensely selfish on my part, but i do not know what to do. Any help/advice/similar experiences would be greatly helpful to me.

[Sophie84]

Personally, I would wait awhile before making any drastic decisions. It could be that this new girl is just a crush or an infatuation...and it appeals to you because it feels new and fresh. I'm sure this is common among people who have been in long-term relationships. It seems like you really care for your girlfriend, so my advice is to wait and see if your feelings for this new girl are even going to last. If they do, then you'll just have to decide for yourself whether or not she's worth giving up your relationship. Try not to overanalyze the situation though!

[ineedyourhelp]

tyvm for the reply.

[Snoopy24]

You say you love your girlfriend very much. If this were true, you wouldn't let yourself fall for another.

 

Sure, there can be instant attraction. But what you are experience with this new girl is lust that is it. It's something new and exciting to you.

 

you are disrespecting your girlfriend by hanging out with this other girl knowing your have feelings for her. If you want to be with this new girl, break up with your girlfriend. If not, stop contact talking to her, and focus on the woman you say you love.

[letteiljmc4ever]

ive had that before too where ive considered breaking up with my boyfriend. i had a crush for 2 weeks thought it wasnt gonna end. it ended up ending because in the end you'll always love the right person

[jraf]

ive had that before too where ive considered breaking up with my boyfriend. i had a crush for 2 weeks thought it wasnt gonna end. it ended up ending because in the end you'll always love the right person

 

but it doesn't mean the one you are currently with is the right person.

 

Could be a crush, lust, whatever; could also be something else.

 

Apparently you haven't been cruising around looking to meet someone but it happened. It happens to all kinds of people in all stages of relationship commitments.

 

Unless you and your gf have one of those "no friends of the opposite sex" pacts, there is nothing preventing from having this new person as a friend, not a potential gf. You know far more about your gf than you do about this new person. To actually know this new woman, you will have to spend some time getting to know her, but not dating her.

[Incognito_Squito]

Never ever break up with one girl to try to pursue another. It never ends well.

 

Now, if you break up with your girlfriend for other reasons, you might be alright...

[ineedyourhelp]

Yeah. i mean. i want to forget about this new girl. i really want to.

But i can't. Not yet anyway. We are supposed to hang out tomorrow night after our classes are over. I feel this could be a potential turning point for me. I'm not sure what direction i will go however.

[scotty77]

Never ever break up with one girl to try to pursue another. It never ends well.

 

Now, if you break up with your girlfriend for other reasons, you might be alright...

What would those other reasons be though?You can't really control your feelings,you either have them or you don't.He likely developped feelings for this new girl because something was missing in his current relationship.

[mke11077]

You can't really control your feelings,you either have them or you don't.He likely developed feelings for this new girl because something was missing in his current relationship.

 

My thought as well. Whether its an infatuation or not there must be something missing in your current relationship. It may have more to do with you then the relationship itself. Its possible you just miss the thrill and anticipation that goes along with a new fling.

 

If things do go further with this new girl have some respect for your gf and don't string her along. It will hurt her so much more when she finds out you kept the truth from her. In that case, if you do continue having a friendship with this new girl, you should also tell your gf. It will look like your hiding something if you don't tell your gf you've been hanging out with her

[jraf]

Yeah. i mean. i want to forget about this new girl. i really want to.

But i can't. Not yet anyway. We are supposed to hang out tomorrow night after our classes are over. I feel this could be a potential turning point for me. I'm not sure what direction i will go however.

 

Sometimes we are faced with choices that are clearly either/or not both/and. When that happens, we have to make the choice trust it was the better one.

 

As I said earlier, you don't feel comfortable cheating on your gf (your words). You could just keep it friendly and school related to get to know her better.

Or you might choose to start dating her (I'm not sure what "We are supposed to hang out tomorrow night after our classes are over." means exactly. Is it something you or your gf or your new friend could perceive to be dating?)

 

As a previous poster said, whatever you do, you can not put your gf in a situation where she feels that your relationship remains solid, while you start developing an "other than school" relationship with a new woman.

 

Right now your eyes are wide open. Whatever you do is with the full knowledge that it is a choice you are making. You can never know which woman will be the "one" until you know. You can only make the journey and the decision by yourself.

[ghost69]

a perfect example why you do not meet other women when you are involved with one. and women don't all the sudden have new guy friends when you are dating them. this is why you like this girl. she possesses something your current girl doesn't have. or you like the attention. who knows. but you love your gf as you say. you will stop hanging with this girl and talking with her about anything other than school.

[Taylor527]

Ok, I'd just stick with your current girlfriend. This new girl is just showing you the "new love" feeling which will fade (It always does, no way around it). You don't truly know her and if you would be good for each other on a long-term basis.

 

Don't lose a girl you love at home for something that you don't even know will work out.

 

I'm telling you... just drop this new chick. She is bad news.

 

By the way, why are you letting yourself hang out with her when you know its just going to make you grow more feelings??

[Girl79]

Ok, I'd just stick with your current girlfriend. This new girl is just showing you the "new love" feeling which will fade (It always does, no way around it). You don't truly know her and if you would be good for each other on a long-term basis.

 

Don't lose a girl you love at home for something that you don't even know will work out.

 

I'm telling you... just drop this new chick. She is bad news.

 

By the way, why are you letting yourself hang out with her when you know its just going to make you grow more feelings??

 

I completely agree. This girl is already making you have doubts about your girlfriend, so why would you make it harder on yourself by hanging out with her? That is inappropriate to try to build a so called "friendship" with her when you clearly have a big crush on her. And yes it is probably a crush, and there is a HUGE chance that after the newness wears off, you will see a different person, one who won't be as good as your girl.

[jraf]

What would those other reasons be though?You can't really control your feelings,you either have them or you don't.He likely developped feelings for this new girl because something was missing in his current relationship.

 

I think the above is worth repeating.

 

None of us can know what the OP should do, and since no one seems to be in an unhealthy situation there isn't too much urgency about it, but

 

The whole process of meeting and developing relationships helps us understand ourselves as well as develop some tools for making good choices if a life partnership is a possibility.

 

If you are in a truly satisfactory fulfilling relationship, thoughts of switching partners don't crop up. Someone may strike us momentarily but it should dissipate.

 

To change the question that scotty77 asks; if the OP is in a relationship with someone who isn't fulfilling some important aspect of the relationship, how long should that relationship continue before he decides it needs to be broken?

 

Success is getting what you want; Happiness is wanting what you get.

[Taylor527]

I think the above is worth repeating.

 

None of us can know what the OP should do, and since no one seems to be in an unhealthy situation there isn't too much urgency about it, but

 

The whole process of meeting and developing relationships helps us understand ourselves as well as develop some tools for making good choices if a life partnership is a possibility.

 

If you are in a truly satisfactory fulfilling relationship, thoughts of switching partners don't crop up. Someone may strike us momentarily but it should dissipate.

 

To change the question that scotty77 asks; if the OP is in a relationship with someone who isn't fulfilling some important aspect of the relationship, how long should that relationship continue before he decides it needs to be broken?

 

Success is getting what you want; Happiness is wanting what you get.

 

From what I got out of the OP was that he was happy in his current relationship and didn't want it to end. But he was developing feelings for another girl... So, if he is completely happy in his relationship then he should stick to that one, he knows what its about 3 years down the road which is a pretty good glimpse of the future... but if he only knew this other girl for a couple of weeks, well he doesn't know anything about what the future holds with her... what if she isn't even interested in a serious relationship? Or is hiding something?