Confusedman19 Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 So here is the situation. I know this girl that im realising I have ALOT of feelings for. She has told me that she does like me back so thats not the problem lol. The problem is she has a "fiance" but the thing is he doesnt treat her right and she knows it. Everytime they are together they fight and she never seems happy. Plus he is really mean to her. Now this really makes me mad because she is such a sweet girl. And I know she cares about me because she does things like text me with her fiances cell phone the whole time she is with him. Im sorry if this whole thing seems jumbled but im really confused right now. Any suggestions on what I should do here? Thanks Confusedman19 Link to comment
Censored Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 Walk away and cut contact right now. Link to comment
Confusedman19 Posted April 13, 2008 Author Share Posted April 13, 2008 why do you say that? Link to comment
Edak Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 Don't play puppet master, and by that I mean don't try and convince her to break up with her fiance. You can talk to her and lay it out. Be simple and obvious. Let her know, this isn't the best thing to be doing, she's engaged and can't have you both. But in my opinion, it's not that great of a situation because for one, she's engaged, of all things, and she is flirting with you on the side? What does that tell you about her? Then again, you said her fiance is no good to her, so maybe she needed to feel loved by another person. If she really is in a bad enough relationship, she should see that and get out. Ultimately though, don't talk her into cheating or leaving him for you..that makes you the bad guy. If she wants to leave him for you, she will. Link to comment
Confusedman19 Posted April 13, 2008 Author Share Posted April 13, 2008 Well the thing is she wont do anything with me because it would be cheating and she has made that clear. also they are supposably engaged but he hasnt even bought her a ring. She has been in ALOT worse relationships where guys have beat her and she stayed with them. Maybe she is scared of being alone?? Link to comment
Edak Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 It's a touchy subject. And I'm sorry but it won't play out like it does in movies. Be her friend for now, with no other intentions in mind, and if there comes a day that she breaks up with him, then you make her your little princess. And I was thinking the same thing, sometimes women will not leave abusive or bad relationships for the oddest of reasons. Again though, be a good friend for now ~Kade Link to comment
civilservant Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 I feel for you mate, but I really don't think anything good is going to come of this. If she really wanted to leave him she would just do it. All she's doing in my view is flirting to make herself feel better, which in the long run will result in you getting hurt. I agree with censored, walk away now. Link to comment
Confusedman19 Posted April 13, 2008 Author Share Posted April 13, 2008 Alright I see wat yall are sayin. I guess ill just sit back and see how the situation pans out. Ill stick around and give her the best advice I can. If she breaks up with him (which I think she will) then ill move in. If not at least I got a good friend. Thanks guys Confusedman19 Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 Well the thing is she wont do anything with me because it would be cheating and she has made that clear. She is already cheating on her fiance with you. You may not have done anything physical with her yet, but there is already some intimacy between you - a shared mutual attraction. She is confiding in you when she should be talking to the man she is with about such things. This is emotional infidelity. She has been in ALOT worse relationships where guys have beat her and she stayed with them. Maybe she is scared of being alone?? So you are seeing the pattern here with this girl. Good. Now ask yourself this question. What makes you think that your relationship with her would be any different? Answer: because you would treat her better. Obviously! You sound like a good guy. But you know what? That's EXACTLY the problem. You would be too good to this girl, she wouldn't be able to handle it, and she would dump you to go back to one of her abusive exes, or find a new man who would treat her poorly. I've been on this site for years and I've seen the story happen time and again.... "I was so good to this girl, and she broke up with me to get back together with her ex BF who used to hit her. I just don't believe it...." This girl has some serious emotional problems that cannot be solved by you treating her like she is a queen. She has self esteem issues, doesn't think much of herself, and seeks out men who treat her with the kind of respect she has for herself. So my reply is a little more long winded, but I agree whole heartily with the very first reply you got in this thread - walk away from this girl, and stay far, FAR away from her. Don't even consider a relationship with her. You are only going to let her hurt you. I know it's hard to hear and even harder to do, but it's the truth. Link to comment
Whiplash Girl Child Posted April 13, 2008 Share Posted April 13, 2008 I agree-- cut contact now. What do you mean, what should you do??? What CAN you do, go to her fiance and scare him into treating her better? Stay out of it. If she's unhappy with this guy, then that's HER problem. If she's THAT unhappy with him, and if she likes/loves you SOOOOOO much, then she'd be with *guess who* right now. That's right! She'd be with YOU right now. And she's not. Link to comment
Confusedman19 Posted April 13, 2008 Author Share Posted April 13, 2008 Yea I see what you guys are saying. Its a hard decision to make though. I guess I would just rather be friends than anything. I really dont wanna get hurt like I did in my last relationship. Thanks for the advice. Link to comment
Confusedman19 Posted April 15, 2008 Author Share Posted April 15, 2008 Well ive been takin your guys advice and its workin i think. She is about to break up with her bf I think and I havnt even asked her to. I told her I was cool with bein friends and if it turns into somethin more than yay if not then its all good to lol Link to comment
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