Do you get defensive when people comment on the EX?! I do

[digitaldiva]

I get so upset when my I tell my friends I'm dating someone and they comment on how much they liked my last boyfriend and proceed to ask what happened to him!! Can't people see how rude that is? I'm not sure how to handle these comments and not allow them to make me extremely ANGRY!

[Stambler]

LoL - everyone tells me how much they HATED mine!!!!!

[lilypadgirl]

Yeah, that's insensitive! I'd probably say to them with a smile. "Well you can date him then!" or "Well you can call him up and ask him. I'm happy with my guy now."

[Aurian]

Ditto, Stambler!

 

Unfortunately, people are going to be curious and ask questions. You can`t stop that (short of wearing a t-shirt that says "YES, its over, NO I don`t wanna talk about it!").

 

A response might be "it just didn`t work out" or " we weren`t right for each other."

[EyesOnThePrize]

My family really didn't like my ex-wife, however I think it was because she didn't fit their mold of what a wife for me should be (did I mention that my mom still wants to run my life even though I'm 46?). I don't think many people will criticize her, because she almost always presented the happy face to them. Her depression and self-loathing was mostly reserved for behind doors with me.

[bronte]

I have to admit that I get defensive either way, if they say good things about him or if they say bad. I still care about him too much to want to hear other people trash him, but, on the other hand, he hurt me too badly for me to think that other people should talk about him like he's a great guy!

 

Better not to mention people's exes to them at all, I think...

[Nixee]

LoL - everyone tells me how much they HATED mine!!!!!

 

 

LOL I agree with this.... this was/is more the problem I have had. I've felt the constant need to defend why and how it is I managed to spend SO MUCH OF MY LIFE on one man who basically beat the snot out of me emotionally.

 

So yes... I get very defensive when people talk about the ex, but I guess it is for different reasons.

 

It DOES get better with time though. You can't rewrite your past. Hopefully you can learn from it though.

[star-shaped]

Kinda the opposite.

 

I have one friend in particular who met my ex a few times while I was with him and wasn't impressed with him.

I went to visit her after not seeing her for a while and not really speaking to her much, and she asked me "are you still with that BOY?"

 

Well I wasn't at the time but I still found it quite insulting. I think this is because I'm still friends with the ex and there aren't ay bad feelings between us at all.

 

Incidentally, even though I met my current boyfriend through her, she's quite insulting about him too at times.

[digitaldiva]

It's true! I get defensive when they say good or bad things about our situation. He was such a salesperson though. He had that slickster, charismatic attitude.

 

Blahhh!

 

I guess it will get better. Sometimes I think people look at you as such a failure when you don't make relationships work. Even though they don't have a working one!

[Nixee]

It's true! I get defensive when they say good or bad things about our situation. He was such a salesperson though. He had that slickster, charismatic attitude.

 

Blahhh!

 

I guess it will get better. Sometimes I think people look at you as such a failure when you don't make relationships work. Even though they don't have a working one!

 

OH jeez... that salesperson line describes my ex to a "T" though.... charisma oozing out every pore.... so yeah, I get that. People who didn't KNOW him very well... or us, or how much he actually hurt me.... they might seem disappointed in how we couldn't make things work. Because after all, he did seem like such a "fun" guy to be around.... but it was a lot of pain to go through.

[Daria_Lane]

My parents liked mine but after everything, every now and then they make comments about how supposedly "ugly" he is and "old" and that they th8ink he's pathetic uyada yada then they even go as far as making fun of me for being with him in the first place and the fact that I didnt wanna accept the truth (that we were over) for a while

 

I always get irritated but since Im not one to talk back to my parents, I just leave when they start their little ridiculous "converrsation"

[Softiron]

I think what makes good or bad comments annoying is that people try to compartmentalize and treat your ex like they're a Disney character. They were either perfect, or evil. Of course, neither is true. Relationships are complicated. You fell for them for a reason, and you broke up for a reason. And those reasons are often beyond the scope of what other people can grasp, because they weren't in it. Just like with any trauma or grieving process, we don't need other people's opinions; we need their support. Oftentimes, though, friends and family want to help so bad that they feel like they should say something.

 

My best friend thought it would help if he ripped into my ex so I would realize how wrong she was for me. Some of the things he said were right, but I defended her so as to defend myself and to validate our relationship.

[jengh]

I get very defensive when people talk badly about mine. I'm still very fond of him (friendly level) and think he's a wonderful person. When people say what an ass they think he is, or how he looks odd now with longer hair, I defend him in a heartbeat.