mind/erection conflict

[sexualpsycho]

aight. this might sound super complicated but i need to get some outside advice on this.

 

here's the deal: i've had a pretty turbulant past when it comes to women. i cannot recall having a true "relationship" with a girl in my life beyond having a girlfriend to explore physical sexuality. don't get me wrong, i thought i was in love with them perhaps, but i know at middle school age i could not truly understand what love is. none of these relationships ever got to intercouse. i did however crush really hard over a girl that was an ex of mine after she dumped me, and although i had hookups to the extent of oral sex with other girls through high school, i was really stuck on her.

 

i lost my viginity (intercourse) to a girl i had just met in 10th grade and not without a lot of drama. i was unable to perform until i talked to her for a long while (holden caulfield perhaps?) and a lot of wasted condoms. even when i did manage to get it up, bagged, and in on time, i could only go a short time before going limp.

 

anyway, i can go on and on with some other times that i've been in the same situation (from being too limp to get a condom on, to getting the condom on but going flacid before insertion) but i'll cut to the chase: i am now in a real relationship with a girl that i love and oh so badly want to have sex with. she is super supportive of me and i spend lots of time opening up to her and telling her about all this stuff in massive detail, but the problem still exists. the thing that puzzles me is that at times when i kiss her or make out with her i get very aroused only to loose it before sex. i have even been in situations where she has been performing a hand job or oral sex on me and i still manage to loose my erection.

 

on the contrary, one of the few times i have climaxed with her was when we did some raunchy face fuc*ing.

 

it is unclear to me what my problem is. some things that i've come up withis being dependent on masturbation and pornography to get off recently and now sex isn't as satisfying; i find sometimes that when i'm with my girl she gets me so close to the edge but then my mind wonders and i loose my sex drive.

 

so hey.. help a brotha out. i'm dying over here with this conflict between my desires and what i'm physically able to carry out.

 

i'm a 20 year old male in good health so i believe that this is a psychosexual problem. i am however super scared of STDs (i have no reason to believe i'm not clean) so i'm making arragements to get tested for that extra piece of mind and comfortablity.

 

thanks.

[Gilgamesh]

hello

 

As you have stated this is something in your mind, and I could sit here and guess all night at what it could be and not get it right. the problem you have is two fold now, because besides the original problem, you are self conscience about it and have all this anxiety.

 

In you situation I would have to suggest therapy, this isn't something that can be fixed with just advice. You need to delve deep inside you to find out what repressed feelings or fears are holding you back.

 

I remember one time I lost an erection after having sex already once, (I usually go twice or sometimes 3 times) well, that really bugged me. later I remember I took some cough medication, but at the time I felt really bad. and when I had sex with her the next time, I was worried big time that I wouldn't be able to perform like normal, even though I already knew it was due to medication. The mind is very tricky that way when it comes to sex.

 

There are many things that can be holding you back, one could be something that you saw or heard when you were very young, maybe its a fear of getting close and being intimate. (as long as its raunchy and animistic its OK) You need to find out what it is inside you. talk to a sex therapist, they are familiar with these problems. Do it for yourself and for your woman. you both deserve it.

[Beec]

This is in your head. Something in your head is getting in the way of your normal sexual desires. Therapy might help. So might hypnosis. Hypnosis tries to use your subconscious mind to reprogram your mind and may either get rid of the problem or turn up the volume on your normal desires so to speak. It cannot make you do something you would not ordinarily want to do. There are a number of books available on self-hypnosis. Cassette tapes are also sold that specifically address your problem. An internet search or two should show you some books and tapes available.

[samniles]

Here's what I think. If you have the slightest apprehension that you may not perform, it's going to interfere with you achieveing an erection. Ask your doc for some viagra. I don't care if you're 20, or 80. The stuff works. I take a mild dose of anti-depressant everyday, but it interferes with my libido. Viagra not only makes me harder, but relieves the pressure of worrying about losing my erection while stopping to put on a condom. My suggestion is to give it a try. If you're embarressed about it, no one, including her, has to know.

[Gilgamesh]

Viagra woks good on the "plumbing" parts but has no effect on desire which is in the mind.

 

But it is worth a try though, because I am not sure what problem came first here, the chicken or the Egg. Knowing its going to be hard no matter what, may give the self confidence needed in order to enjoy a carefree sexual experience.

 

Viagra can be purchased online, best deal is to buy the 100mg and break them in 2, for dual dosage.

 

I have experimented with Viagra, there were times I wanted to do a "marathon" and well, it does work, the pills are sold over the counter in the Dominican Republic, and they sell them in individual dosages.

 

I heard a new pill will be on the market soon, already sold in Europe. its called Cialis its effects supposedly last 3 days! called the "weekender".

I dont think id be able to go to the beach after taking one of those lol !