aight. this might sound super complicated but i need to get some outside advice on this.
here's the deal: i've had a pretty turbulant past when it comes to women. i cannot recall having a true "relationship" with a girl in my life beyond having a girlfriend to explore physical sexuality. don't get me wrong, i thought i was in love with them perhaps, but i know at middle school age i could not truly understand what love is. none of these relationships ever got to intercouse. i did however crush really hard over a girl that was an ex of mine after she dumped me, and although i had hookups to the extent of oral sex with other girls through high school, i was really stuck on her.
i lost my viginity (intercourse) to a girl i had just met in 10th grade and not without a lot of drama. i was unable to perform until i talked to her for a long while (holden caulfield perhaps?) and a lot of wasted condoms. even when i did manage to get it up, bagged, and in on time, i could only go a short time before going limp.
anyway, i can go on and on with some other times that i've been in the same situation (from being too limp to get a condom on, to getting the condom on but going flacid before insertion) but i'll cut to the chase: i am now in a real relationship with a girl that i love and oh so badly want to have sex with. she is super supportive of me and i spend lots of time opening up to her and telling her about all this stuff in massive detail, but the problem still exists. the thing that puzzles me is that at times when i kiss her or make out with her i get very aroused only to loose it before sex. i have even been in situations where she has been performing a hand job or oral sex on me and i still manage to loose my erection.
on the contrary, one of the few times i have climaxed with her was when we did some raunchy face fuc*ing.
it is unclear to me what my problem is. some things that i've come up withis being dependent on masturbation and pornography to get off recently and now sex isn't as satisfying; i find sometimes that when i'm with my girl she gets me so close to the edge but then my mind wonders and i loose my sex drive.
so hey.. help a brotha out. i'm dying over here with this conflict between my desires and what i'm physically able to carry out.
i'm a 20 year old male in good health so i believe that this is a psychosexual problem. i am however super scared of STDs (i have no reason to believe i'm not clean) so i'm making arragements to get tested for that extra piece of mind and comfortablity.
thanks.
