I have a stalker please tell me what to do!

[BronzedSkin123]

I guess you get what you asked for..I know I've always made topics talking about how I want a man to LOVE me and think I am so great so I get what I deserve..it's just not from the right person..

 

I've known this guy for years, I befriended him through another good friend. We used to all hangout as a group years back. Things have changed, people fell out and we all have moved on.

 

As a person, he is annoying and literally likes to say things to needle at me-sometimes unkind things. He drains all my energy and brings nothing but negativity. Just recently, I was really fed up with giving him the benefit of the doubt and just cut him out of my life. I feel much better because he brings nothing but a bunch of childish drama

 

He continued to call me for several days after I hung up the phone on him.. but I NEVER picked up the phone. I am done. I have other goals that I need to achieve and I am trying to get my life in order.

 

Now, he is sending me text messages asking, "did you stop loving me" and "you are beautiful I miss your presense"...he has sent 8 of these so far.

 

I don't think a guy who just views you as a friend would send texts like this, not even if he was joking.

 

He has been doing this all morning and afternoon..this makes me feel uncomfortable, queazy, and just ruins my spirits. I don't know what this might lead to...whether he will try to stalk me in person..I just don't know.

 

I have never had any romantic feelings for this guy ever. The most I ever felt was that he was like a brother to me. Nothing more than that..and it will NEVER change.

 

Really..what should I do? I don't want to call him at all, it might drive him even more deranged that what he already is. I sensed that something wasn't right about this guy..and my intuition was correct.

 

Can someone give me advice?? I am scared and never had anybody behave like this towards me before. It's not a good feeling at all.

[juicey]

Hi BronzedSkin,

 

Do not answer or respond at all. If you respond once after 20 phone calls, he will only have learned that it takes 20 phone calls to get you to answer.

 

Start documenting immediately. See if there is a way to block him from calling you and texting.

 

If he continues, you can send him a cease and desist letter. I would consult with a lawyer before doing this.

 

Also, google stalking to get more information.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You said you hung up the phone on him and then you said you never picked up the phone. How could you hang up a phone that you never picked up? Were you rude to him? I think you may be over-reacting. Just tell him that he needs to stop contacting you and then see what happens. You have given very little information about what went on so it is hard to tell if he is simply upset at your cold shoulder and trying to figure out what is going on. Given what you have written in your other threads and how you perceive and react to situations, you might want to think about your own behaviours and actions as well and see if you can improve your outlook on life.

[JadedStar]

I do not read signs of stalking at this stage. Instead i am reading signs that you are not very good about setting your limits.

 

I think you need to pick up the phone and call him and let him know the texting needs to stop immediately that you are done with this friendship. Be firm and don't waffle.

 

Once you have done that if he continues then maybe i would call it stalking. Annoying a person and stalking are not really the same thing.

[juicey]

At the very least, the guy is irrational in the OP's case. No one "healthy" continues to call or text all morning and afternoon. When you are dealing with an irrational person, it is completely different than an annoying one.

[JadedStar]

Umm, angeleyes are you trying to get bronzed arrested? This man has been annoying but nothing warrants a baseball bat to the face.

 

Secondly, legal action? On what grounds? She has not even firmly told him to stop texting her yet.

 

You guys are blowing this way out of proportion. Once she has firmly made her position known and he doesn't stop then she can block the number and if he works around this then look into legal action.

[JadedStar]

At the very least, the guy is irrational in the OP's case. No one "healthy" continues to call or text all morning and afternoon. When you are dealing with an irrational person, it is completely different than an annoying one.

 

Most really annoying people are not healthy to some extent so where do you draw the line? Stalker, however, is a bit of a stretch at this stage of the game. She does not sound like she has been firm wtih her stance.

[juicey]

Jadedstar, before I had a stalker I would firmly agree with you.

 

However, I learned quite a deal since then. You do not need to tell anyone to stop calling you, it is a privelege to speak to someone -- not a right. The OP does not need to tell him to stop calling and texting, she can try to block him. She can also send a cease and desist letter, which is actually the better route because a verbal conversation is not proof on anything. If he continues, she can definitely pursue legal actions without having to physically tell him to stop.

 

At some point, it does become harassment. In her case, it is not quite clear where it is at. All we know that she is uncomfortable and uneasy, if it continues for two more weeks without her contacting him....what would it be then? Even if she didn't tell him to stop, it is certainly not just annoying.

[KG]

I would suggest you text him back, once. "Stop texting/ calling me, please".

As another poster said, start documenting, better to have it in case.

And finally, last resort, what angel eyes said..." threaten legal action".

Please keep us advised, OK Bronze?

KG

[Batya33]

I agree with the gradual steps - first tell him to stop.

 

And of course do not threaten physical violence either in person or otherwise!

[RelaxByWater84]

If I were you I would make a journal of all his activity towards you. Put the date and time of the incident and what went on. This way you have evidence should this make its way to the court room which I hope never happens. I would also let someone know what went on, someone you can really trust.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am with Jaded that it is very very premature to talk about stalking...if this is what amounts to stalking then 3/4 of the people who post on this forum and who have been dumped would have to call themselves stalkers. Seriously, people use this stalker label way too freely...it seems to have become as common as people suing over any little mishap that happens. Stalking is a very serious accusation and before someone bandies that work around, they better be damn sure.

[JadedStar]

I am with Jaded that it is very very premature to talk about stalking...if this is what amounts to stalking then 3/4 of the people who post on this forum and who have been dumped would have to call themselves stalkers. Seriously, people use this stalker label way too freely...it seems to have become as common as people suing over any little mishap that happens. Stalking is a very serious accusation and before someone bandies that work around, they better be damn sure.

 

I totally agree and was thinking this as i responded the first time. People sometimes obsessively email or text too much and that is not considered the very grave and serious offense of stalking.

 

Now I don't know this guy and am not saying that if you do not handle this properly it might not escalate, that is why my advice is sternly handle this promptly and see if you can nip it in the bud before it goes further.

[greensleeves]

At this point you haven't given him a clear indication that you no longer want to have anything to do with him. You need to do that. It doesn't have to be cruel, a simple text saying "I have alot going on and don't have room for new people in my life, please don't contact me anymore" end of story. When you clearly and unemotionally tell him that you do not want to have any more contact with you, if he continues to call or text, you may have the beginnings of a stalking problem. I do agree that at this point calling him a stalker is a bit of an overreaction, however, some of the language is uses is a bit alarming "did you stop loving me", so you do need to take the necessary steps to stop it immediately. Are you sure that there were no words or actions on your part that may have led him to believe that you had feelings for him? Not that it would excuse his behaviour, but perhaps that's something you need to clear up with him as well, so that there are absolutely no misconceptions going on in his mind.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If that question is considered alarming then 95% of the people on this forum would be considered scary people!!

[BronzedSkin123]

You said you hung up the phone on him and then you said you never picked up the phone. How could you hang up a phone that you never picked up? Were you rude to him? I think you may be over-reacting. Just tell him that he needs to stop contacting you and then see what happens. You have given very little information about what went on so it is hard to tell if he is simply upset at your cold shoulder and trying to figure out what is going on. Given what you have written in your other threads and how you perceive and react to situations, you might want to think about your own behaviours and actions as well and see if you can improve your outlook on life.

 

 

In the past when he gets angry about a discussion we are having, he likes to hurl insults at me, accusing me of servicing several men in public restrooms, things of that nature. He gets very disrespectful. I have broken off our friendship over this before.

 

Well, about two weeks ago we got into a heated discussion, and when we reconciled he told me he was going to call his brother on 3-way. I told him I did not want to be on the phone with them at the same time. Because when he calls his brother they start to bully me--cracking jokes that can be hurtful. He told me to hold on because someone was calling him on the other line, a few moments later he clicked back over and his brother was on the phone with him. I said, "all right good bye tom. i am going to get off the phone with you now." and he kept saying "hold on don't get off the phone wait a minute" and I continued to say, "i told you that i did not want to be on the phone with the both of you because you both like to keep stuff going." as I hung up the phone he was still talking. They continued to call me back a few times that night, and several days later. I did not pick up the phone.

 

Now about two weeks have passed, and he is sending me these text messages about "did you stop loving me" and saying, "it's all right. i know you are in love with me" and other text messages. I feel violated and the fact that he is trying to get me to talk to him again, when I am just about fed up with his negativity. He is full of drama. He does the same thing over and over again and never changes. I am so sick of it

[metrogirl]

Then just don't answer the phone and don't respond to the text. There may come a time that you have to change your numbers, but in the meantime if he sees that he isn't getting the response from you that he anticpated, he will probably just give up. If he doesn't then you know that changing numbers is the next step.

[BronzedSkin123]

I just gave him a text telling him to leave me alone. If he continues to text me anyway what should be the first step?

[Stu147]

I just gave him a text telling him to leave me alone. If he continues to text me anyway what should be the first step?

 

Ignore the texts as the first step. Do not reply to any of them, under any circumstance. If he continues after a week or so then contact your phone service provider and tell them that you are getting harassed by a particular caller.

 

I agree with others on here, that it is a bit early to be calling him a stalker in the true sense of the word. He is an annoyance, a pesterer. He is lacking something in his life and he clearly gets way too attached to people without much if any encouragement. Unhealthily so. He needs to take a step back and look at himself because one day he will most likely be ashamed of how he is acting. The best you can do is to ignore any and ALL contact from him, no matter how much he may plead otherwise.

[greensleeves]

If that question is considered alarming then 95% of the people on this forum would be considered scary people!!

 

I'm not sure if you were joking here but I do consider it alarming when they were never involved as more than friends. That makes it very creepy and indicates that he's conjured up a romantic relationship in his head.

 

In the past when he gets angry about a discussion we are having, he likes to hurl insults at me, accusing me of servicing several men in public restrooms, things of that nature. He gets very disrespectful. I have broken off our friendship over this before.

 

I just gave him a text telling him to leave me alone. If he continues to text me anyway what should be the first step?

 

He may be thinking that since you've broken off the friendship before, that you're not serious this time. You need to stick to it, based on what you've said about him he sounds like a complete idiot. I think the next step is to block him on everything and give no response at all. Keep a record of every attempt that he makes to contact you, including the date, time and method of contact, as well as anything that you can remember from the past couple of weeks. Hopefully he'll get tired of it soon and move on, but if he doesn't, then it may be time to contact the police. They'll be able to advise you as to what to do. If you're feeling uncomfortable or scared about the situationn as it stands now, call them or go to a police station and they'll know exactly how you should proceed. You know this person and we don't, so you're in a better position to judge what you think he might be capable of, and you should follow whatever instincts you're having about it. Better to be cautious in a situation like this. I was stalked for three years by an extremely violent man...it can make life utter hell.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

[JadedStar]

Ignore the texts as the first step. Do not reply to any of them, under any circumstance. If he continues after a week or so then contact your phone service provider and tell them that you are getting harassed by a particular caller.

 

I agree with others on here, that it is a bit early to be calling him a stalker in the true sense of the word. He is an annoyance, a pesterer. He is lacking something in his life and he clearly gets way too attached to people without much if any encouragement. Unhealthily so. He needs to take a step back and look at himself because one day he will most likely be ashamed of how he is acting. The best you can do is to ignore any and ALL contact from him, no matter how much he may plead otherwise.

 

Right. Stu is completely correct here. Just ignore him and he will likely stop. He sounds like the guy who pulls the girls pony tail....once he receives no reaction he will likely stop.

 

If after a few days it doesn't stop then block his number.

 

You said you sent a text for him to stop - was it very firm and clear? If he is used to you two playing passive aggressive games, and from what you have stated that does seem to be the case, then how will he know this isn't just you playing it again if you are not very clear and firm? You allowed him to do the teasing and nonsense long enough to where he is not sure you mean business. You have taught him over time that this is okay so he is going to need more than a "dont text me please" message.

 

Oh and the "don't you love me anymore" is something I can see a friend saying to an opposite sex friend in a playful way beacuse they want to keep talking to that person. I think this is being blown out of proportion. I think this guy is guilty of immaturity at this point, not stalking. I have done that before myself in the past when i was younger if i got into a tiff with a close guy friend and was being playful trying to apologize yet there were no romantic notions in my head...i'd say "dont ya still love me" but it was in an attempt to playfully get the friendship back.

[BronzedSkin123]

We have never been involved at all..no where near it. Actually, he is my ex boyfriend's best friend...they are still friends with each other.

 

I sense that he likes the control he has by still being in contact with me and my boyfriend. Sometimes he likes to needle at me and mention my ex boyfriend wants to reunite even though he has a new girlfriend and I am waay over him. That is one of the reasons I don't want anything to do with him. He tries to arrange things by inviting me and my ex to the same place. And I made it clear that I don't want to see him again.

 

He always invites me to hang out with him and I ALWAYS flake out..yet he STILL calls me. I never understood that. I have not exhibited behavior that I am a good friend. Yet he won't go away

[BronzedSkin123]

Update:

 

He just sent me 3 text messages in a row asking WHY, and that he wants to cuddle with me and other nonsense. This is officially harassment

[JadedStar]

Can you share with us what you said in the text when you asked him to stop this?

[BronzedSkin123]

I said "stop texting me. I don't want to be bothered with you ever again."