Can anyone explain this?

[Unmotivated]

I used to be really shy around people, especially girls. I just didn't get it. But I've changed a lot in the last year and now I'm pretty comfortable talking to people, even strangers.

 

Over the last few weeks I've had two very similar encounters with ladies. In both cases I was 90% sure that they were flirting on some level and/or interested in getting to know me, but then I found out that they had boyfriends. Fortunately in the second case I figured this out before asking her out.

 

I've had similar experiences recently, too. I'll strike up a conversation with a girl and she'll seem friendly and interested in me, sometimes even asking personal questions. She'll laugh at my stupid jokes and usually have positive body language towards me. And then later I'll see her with some guy who is obviously her boyfriend.

 

So, I can't really figure out what's going on. Am I giving off a 'just-friends' vibe? Do girls in relationships covertly explore other options? Or are these girls so content with their boyfriends that they see all other guys as potential new friends and nothing more, completely oblivious to any flirting they might accidentally be doing?

[MushroomGod]

I think they may just like the attention.

[jettison]

If you act friendly toward someone who is outgoing and friendly, they tend to act friendly back. It doesn't have to mean that they want to get you naked though. If you are showing her obvious interest, then a harmless flirt back is no big deal. It's not deceitful, but rather, just someone reacting to your quips on the fly. No harm done.

 

Also, if you're not sure if someone has a boyfriend, don't be afraid to ask them out anyway. If they say no then it's not like you're any worse off then you were before. Plus, they now know that you have definite interest so if they should become single in the near future then you may find yourself being contacted. You never know.

 

Every woman, single or taken, appreciates a guy who won't act too wishy washy and who will just confidently make his intentions known. There are so many gameplayers out there, and guys that will only go for a "sure thing", that it will be seen as a welcome change by many.

[ghost69]

lots of girls who are involved are nice. they don't realize they can give off a flirty vibe. it's a chance you take though.

[stranded247]

Yeah I'm too nice to guys I don't like romantically, cant help it. I just dont know how to be anything other than nice and friendly. Seems harsh to be cold just because your either involved or uninterested. I don't think you're doing anything wrong though, some girls are just friendly and want to make friends with guys, would it hurt to have a few female friends along the way? They might be able to point you in the right direction

[jettison]

Yeah I'm too nice to guys I don't like romantically, cant help it. I just dont know how to be anything other than nice and friendly. Seems harsh to be cold just because your either involved or uninterested. I don't think you're doing anything wrong though, some girls are just friendly and want to make friends with guys, would it hurt to have a few female friends along the way? They might be able to point you in the right direction

 

This is a good take. I know that some men feel hurt or rejected when some women show something that looks like "interest", but it turns out just to be polite banter or harmless, mostly unintended flirting, but people should really have a more open mind about this stuff. People flirt. Flirting is healthy and fun. Flirting DOES NOT mean "I want to date you", "I want to get you naked", or "We may have a future together". It's just flirting. If you go into it with that mindset then you're not going to get hurt, or angry, or upset.

 

Plus, the BEST way to meet a great gal is to have women friends that think highly of you. They tend to want to set you up with their attractive, single friends. Plus, what's wrong with having an attractive friend?