Dealing with the anxiety after the relationship ends

[Boromir]

Hi everyone.

 

I posted my first thread in these forums regarding my breakup with my ex, and while it was great getting everything off my chest, I am still sad. The worst is dealing with the anxiety of wanting to call my ex. I feel like I am possessed. I have been doing fairly good in recent weeks by letting go, but once I found out she got a new boyfriend it has just torn me up.

 

It is like I want to hear how this guy is good enough but I am not and so forth. I know talking to her is not good right now, but for those who have gotten through the anxiety attacks, what did you do?

 

I have tried reading, sleeping, doing errands, going out when my friends have the time, but I will admit it is the hardest when I feel like there isn't anything to do or have a place to go. I don't want to go eat or get a beer by myself. You know that comfort feeling you had when you loved someone? It is like I am trying to find that, and of course it isn't there and I keep feeling like I just lost it.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions on dealing with it?

 

Thanks,

[gemsie]

its awful isnt it, i am going through exactly the same thing. I dont even know what to tell you, the nly thing that can make u feel better is time. One thing my mam said to me tho, is the comfort feeling you r looking for is a habit, and habits are always grownout of. I know it doesnt help but its something to think about. Im gutted abut my ex bein with sum 1 else, but im sure we will be ok????? hope your feeling better soon x

[phantpwr]

please please dont call your ex... it will make them justify them breaking it off in their head.. becuse you will make them feel guilty that your hurting.. I did the same same same thing as you.. the best thing to do is let it out to your closest friends.. and parents.. and thats the best you can do.. it goes away in about 2 weeks.. then your just sad but not panic'ed.. its like the other post said.. a habit.. ever know someone trying to quit smoking or drugs.. they go crazy wanting it.. but it does go away.. just know that

[trinnity213]

Dear Boromir,

The feelings of anxiety you are feeling regarding calling your ex are just temporary. I know it sounds so cliche', but it is true and I hope that it offers you some comfort knowing these feelings will fade. The reason you want to cumpulsively call your ex when you know the relationship is over is usually a reaction to your feelings of loneliness and hurt. I had and still have the same anxiety in wanting to call an ex who no longer wants to be with me. Here are some suggestions that might help you to deal with the anxiety:

1) Listen to angry breakup songs: Even if you are not into hard rock or certain genres of music there are a lot of good angry break up songs that jolt you out of wanting to talk to your ex. A couple examples are Linkin Park, In the End or Eamon, F**k it. Songs effect your mood and listening to an empowering song usually helps.

2) Watch the movie Old School: this movie is officially the funniest movie!

Also the main character Mitch, goes through a break up that will definitely make yours seem not so bad.

3) Mentally imagine what the conversation would go like if you did call your ex: About 99% of the time when people call their ex's it makes them more upset than they were before they called their ex. By imagining what unfulfilling things your ex will probably say, it will usually make you realize how much you would rather not talk to them.

These actions usually help me when I am hit with the panic of having to talk to my ex. I am proud to say it has been 61 days since we broke up and I have not called him once. I know that not calling is the right decision by his silence and you'll know that not calling is the answer by her silence. Unfortunately there can be no pleasure in life without pain and it stinks that you are in the latter. I hope this helps you cope. If these suggestions do not help there is always the good old option of getting so drunk you pass out so that you can't call the other person. *I do not advise this option unless you are absolutely going nuts, which lets face it we all go sometimes during the healing process.

[phantpwr]

also dont listen to breakup songs !

[Boromir]

Hi everyone. I blew it. I called her last night after I had gone out to watch a football game with some friends. I wasn't having a good time and it reminded me how much easier my life was when my ex was around.

 

I went home and for some reason just wanted to tell her that I had gone through a lot of thinking the last week, and kind of found myself again (thanks to these forums! ). I broke down and called her (she said that she was going to call me tomorrow, but whatever). I told her that I didn't want to be friends with her (I don't think I'll ever be able to handle hearing her talk about another guy), nor did I want to talk to her again. She cried but didn't fight me on it. She seems real intent on moving on with her life and keeping me in my place. She ruled out any chance of us getting back together.

 

We talked some more and it came out that she had a lot of problems with some of the things I did in our relationship 2 years ago. I was angry all the time back then, depressed about money and my job, and so forth. I tried to change my attitude and really feel that I changed for the better, but it was too late. She admits falling out of love for me, but can't say when it happened. It tears me up thinking about it. All this time there were issues harboring in her and I guess she has always felt that they were big enough for keeping from being the one. I loved this girl so much, and don't understand why sometimes I was so mean to her when she was by far the best thing that had happened to me.

 

Well, now I am sad. I feel like I have no self-esteme. When I was out last night I saw a lot of really cute girls, but I don't have it in me to talk to them or even keep eye contact. I used to be kind of shy, but never this bad. I just can't help but think that I have nothing to offer a girl now, but I am really lonely so it is a cycle. I am at work and I feel like crying a little bit. I wish all this never happened.

[blaiseit]

Bro,

 

I was in your position about four years ago and the feelings you are having about your past actions should #1 let you know that your conscience is working perfectly. You are learning a lesson about your actions and that is good but very painful..very, very painful. It sucks but is necessary. You will be fully out of it in three to six months and the worst part is the first 2 weeks ok maybe three. But, all you can do is have a day or two of true remorse and then man Im telling you you need to get out of the house or apt your in and get something done. God works best through other people so get around them. Give to those in need like donate some time to a soup kitchen for one day or work one day at a homeless shelter. You will feel GOOD and most importantly you will be forced to stop thinking about yourself.

 

Read Read Read...Dr. Phil "Life Strategies" and then Eckhart Tolle "THe Power of Now" I suggest in that order. Learn from your mistakes. It is not helpful to you or anyone around you to hate yourself. You have an opportunity in front of you. You can choose to life if you want to. Be an example about how people change and fake it till you make it bro. All will be fine I promise. Get out and run till you collapse. Lift weights. Learn to play the guitar.

 

Finally Read about God and Jesus. Pray evan if you dont know how to. I like Charles Stanley as a good middle of the road mentor. His audio library online is free and Man he is and was a major component to my daily peace. link removed

 

take good care,

 

blaise

[jcollin4]

My Brother,

I called and called and still want call. I have to fight myself everyday not to. She divorced me not two mths ago and we have a 4 yr daughter and I have to see and talk to you but let me tell you something. Your an addict,

your an addict to her and the ex relationship. You have to spend 21 days of no contact, no email, no IM, no anything. There is no difference in being a relationship addict to a drug, food etc. addict. You have to find within yourself a mear 3 weeks of no contact. If you call, it starts over. If you see her it starts over. Hang in there.