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might get back together with ex, but have questions...


caliboy
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so my ex and i are talking more often recently. we were together for 2 years, lived together for a little over a year, were very serious, etc. she broke up with me almost a year ago, and the possibility of getting back together has come up. we've both told each other that we still care very much about each other, we are special people to each other and we are both attracted to each other. she has a boyfriend and i have a girlfriend.

 

so there's a couple things on my mind... as soon as i told her i am seeing this new girl, my ex started being nicer to me and more interested. she's admitted that she's jealous, which is good cause it shows she cares about me in more then a friends way. but when i think about us getting back together, i always think about how she met someone a month after her and i broke up and is with him still. that seems pretty damn fast to me. it's taken me 11 months to start seeing someone on a more then dating basis. she's unhappy with him, but it really bothers me that some other guy has been inside her and maybe in her mouth, etc. if her and i were to get back together and eventually get married, it's disturbing that she's been with someone else since her and i had been together. does this make sense? like if you truly love someone, then you'd want to be with them and wouldn't want to be with anyone else. right? she's always saying how she's confused about what she wants right now, etc, but still. i don't know if i'm just trying to live in some perfect world or what.

 

she's said to me that she wants to take things slow and so do i. her and i get along great and we're both still very attracted to each other. so i guess i'm not sure if getting back together with a girl like this would be a good idea or not. or if i'm just overreacting. i miss her and love her, but i just need something to help me see past her being with this other guy.

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Hey Caliboy,

Tough situation... First off I would do what you mentioned.. TAke it slow...and see what happens.. Do you forgive her for going out with someone so soon after the break up? I know my ex from 3 months ago did and is still with him.. I may be able to forgive if I was in your shoes and thinking about getting back together.. Because deep down if you truly still love her then I would say give it one more shot.

Good Luck

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if you truly still love her, and not the memories you have of her, then you should go for it. she is a changed person, someone who has slept with others, and been broken up with you for nearly a year. you mentioned marriage. are you sure the reasons for her coming back are for love? or isit going to be a rebound for her? she doesnt sound like shes regretting breaking up, just that she is really attracted to you, or sees you as someone 'special'. if your so special. i dont think it would have taken a year.

 

i think you should take those points on board before planning anything serious with her. if you get back together the trust is still missing, and it will seem a bit awkward. that trust and things being the same again wont just magically appear. you must work on them during time. both of you must work on it. if your the one doing it while she isnt really bothering, then nothing will change on her part. make sure you tell her your intentions, and your plans, your problems, your thoughts. see what she has to say. from their you will both be in a strong postition to make it work.

 

good luck

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Hey Caliboy,

 

After reviewing several of the posts you've written about this situation there are a few things that might need to be rethought before you proceed any further.

 

1.) The current girlfriend- Is this relationship based on honesty and mutual respect for each other if you have been considering reconciliation with your ex? If there is doubt in this area than taking it to the next level of intimacy only confuses your situation because you are physically connected to one and emotionally connected to another.

 

2) The Ex- Is your decision to get back with your ex what you really want? It has bothered you that your ex has a boyfriend and has been intimate, but it appears that you have gone to what she is doing in this new relationship. You said that once you told your ex that you have a new girlfriend she immediately showed renewed interest in you and the possibility of the two of you getting back together. What will be the foundation of this new relationship?

 

3.) Current Girlfriend Part II- If that relationship is mutually based only on the physical aspects and she is aware of your intentions with your ex, than you've been honest with her. But if she is not aware of this and has given herself fully to you, you need to be considerate of her feelings and her emotional needs.

 

4.) The Possible Relationship With Ex- You asked if the relationship would ever be the same if you two got back together. The obvious answer is no. The lack of trust and the occurrences of the past year have changed both of you. By nature, human beings are ever-changing and its the people who take those changes and channel them in positive directions who are happier in life. Also, by remaining stagnant and refusing to change and grow and hoping things will be back the way they were, you'll end up in the same routine and suffering the same consequences as the first time.

 

Wishing the best,

Justagirl

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