down the high way

[Daddy Bear]

image removed

 

 

 

 

Sorry, nothing to see here.

 

The hour is set. The final tether in the person of Heaven's suffering angel, the incandescent spirit who made the sacred word 'unconditional' a real practice in my life, has been released. Her whereabouts and state of mind are unknown to me; the fact of the futility in continuing to hope for miracles--for her and for us--is not. She shall not be blamed for that; the two of us alone know that she added the best year that I've ever known to a life that missed seeing an earlier end only by her loving intervention. She deserves nothing but gratitude, from me and from those who care about me.

 

I choose Good Friday on which to carry out my longed-for denouement for the sake of my cherished mother, in the hope that the date's association with eternal life will bring some small comfort in the grim days ahead. I have been deliberate in closing my circles to the minimum needed to make it this far and am confident that no one of my family will be left without support and the means to survive. Regrettable in the extreme is the knowledge that I will be unable to prevent grief in those who knew and loved me in life. To that I can only say that I do feel as though I have lived a lifetime, although there are things that I wish I had the joie de vivre within me to stay on and witness. I am not mentally unwell; I am not impaired, nor despondent; there are no problems before me that I believe I could not surmount. I am aware that this path I take is not one of readily apparent logic, but it is the one I want to follow after nearly five years of objective consideration. This should be the time. I ask all to understand the importance to me of managing my own life to the last.

 

Virginia Woolf may have said it best: “Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.” How can I argue, and how can I not be the one sacrificing myself to that end?

 

I am in tune with the universe. I am at peace.

[Daddy Bear]

D'être pour toi forte

Je reste jusqu'à la mort

Puis nous fermer la porte