I'm stressed already

[confusedmama]

Court isn't until Tues and I'm already dreading it, stomach in knots, head hurts, want to cry at the drop of a hat. I hate the fact that this affects me this way. I feel like he still has control over me, and I guess in a way he does. Will he always??

 

Met with my lawyer today to get ready for Tues. and while I don't feel like I'm going to lose everything, I don't feel confident all will be well either. I don't think I'm asking too much-support your children and do what is right, but one can never tell about how the judge will rule.

 

I am sooooo tired of feeling like this, it's been 2 months in this turmoil. I thought it would get better after the divorce was final. :sad:

[just M.E.]

confusedmama -

this is the one time in your life that you really need to take yourself out back of the woodshed and give yourself a real talking to.

 

No matter whether you lose more or less what you are losing is your sense of control over your life. My ex tried to take that from me also and for a while I let that happen. But this is really important, no one can do that to you without you allowing it. I know this is hard but do not let him own a moment more of your life. You may be nervous and worried about court, but please, do not give in to the anxiety, the dread.

 

He has already taken too much from him, DO NOT allow another moment of your life to be given to him. This you have power and control over, what YOU feel inside.

 

Please, think about this!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

what you need to remind yourself is that what will happen will happen, and stressing about it and worrying yourself into knots won't change the outcome.

 

regarding asking for 'too much', judges are well experienced in the fact that EVERYONE asks for as much as they can get. that is the way divorces go. the judge really most of the time ignores what you ask for, then looks at the property and financials, and divides it up based on standard ratios. so the judge will look at it, but it really doesn't matter what you ask for, he will just look at what his own formulas are for that and follow them.

 

So don't stress about it... this is very traumatic for you, but the judge does this every day and has seen it all by now, and will go along with whatever are the fair and standard practices for your state.

[confusedmama]

I don't have a lot of faith in the fair standards in the state. If they worked I wouldn't be going to court for the 7th time in 2 years fighting the same battle. He wouldn't be able to drag me back into court because things didn't go his way and I didn't give in to his demands. What is killing me is he is using the children as a tool to get to me and to control. I only wish someone in a higher position could/would see this and put a stop to it.

 

To make matters worse, I received a call from my lawyer today about what the guardian-ad-liteum said. Seems as if the GAL doesn't feel I'm doing all I can for the oldest child with his schoolwork. He seems to believe I should be able to do more. It doesn't seem to matter that I have been in contact with his teachers since the first week of school on almost a weekly basis, that I check that he does his homework, that he is in school EVERY day, that the first time his father checked with his teachers was 2 weeks ago and hasn't checked back since. I felt like I was a terrible mother-I still feel like that even after spending the past 4 hours working on a science fair project with him.

 

This makes me even more worried about Tuesday. Apparently the ex put on one HECK of a show for this man. HOw he only wants more time with his children and I'm not allowing him to spend the time he wants to with the boys. Amazing how this spews from his mouth when he doesn't call them and doesn't ask to see them extra, doesn't offer to take them to sporting practices or pick them up-unless he is going to be in the neighborhood. Doesn't work on their homework or projects when they are with him. I know my children need to spend time with their father but I'm sorry if I refuse to go out of my way to accommodate his schedule.

 

Thanks M.E. for the talking to-I needed that. I know you are right but I feel as if the rug is being pulled out from beneath me AGAIN. I know I'll get back up on my feet, but it doesn't keep it from hurting when I hit bottom.

[just M.E.]

Hang in there, the problem with the fear is it doesn't make anything better, only hurts you. I know that feeling, the fear of other people in control of your life. It is important for you to conquer this, think about it in this sense ... if you do conquer the fear, you will appear in control and confident of yourself, that will impress the courts. If it doesn't, it still is a good exercise and good for your children to see.

 

I know it is really hard ... but he wins if he breaks you down. Don't give him that.

 

You can do it, you have done so much already, this is one more speed bump.

 

my thoughts are with you.