judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 My bf has a drinking problem.. i haven't seen him sober until he was really sick the past few days ever since we got together.. he is unorganized.. house is a mess.. last night i was chatting with him online then realized that we have nothing to talk about.. in the midst of discussing our communication problem and his drinking problem.. he left the chat without saying so (what a coward!)... then i text him with phone telling him how i feel about him if he is not going to try to address his drinking problem, i am gonna leave him.. he didn't even bother to reply.. so i text him this morning and suggested that we should break up.. he is so emotional unavailable all the time.. i think i am doing the right thing.. anyone think so too? Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 It sounds like drinking excessively is a dealbreaker for you - good on you for realizing that and sticking by it. I'd be a little leery of being too harsh on him for leaving a chat about a communication problem while sick though - if you discuss his problems a lot and that's a focus of your relationship, he might be feeling attacked. Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 its not the first time he leave a chat without saying so.. even when he wasn't sick.. maybe its best for us coz he should have someone that can accept him for who he is.. be it a drunkard or without communication skills.. i wasn't brought up to accept those factors.. and i can be really soft-hearted sometimes.. if i don stand firm.. we will be hurt over and over again.. Link to comment
mgirl Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 If he has a drinking problem, it doesn't sound like he is ready to deal with anything. If he doesn't want to deal with his drinking problem, then he doesn't want to work on the relationship, imo. If his drinking problem really bugs you, then you have done the right thing. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Of course you've done the right thing. You don't say how long the two of you have been together or how often you see eachother, but if it only recently that you've ever seen him sober and only because he's currently sick, then it's not a healthy relationship at all. Do you not think you deserve better than this? Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 we've been going out close to three months.. and whenever tell him not to drink too much, he will give me excuses such as its the festive season so he is allowed to drink.. but christmas was 2 months back.. its his attitude that is the problem.. on a casual chill out night he can drink up to 10 and more drinks.. and its not even a weekend.. i don know what he deserves.. but at least he might find someone that will accept all these behavior and won't even care enough to concern about his health.. Link to comment
mgirl Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 If he's got a drinking problem, that is his problem. Now that you have broken up with him, he is no longer your concern, so you don't need to take responsibility for his behaviour. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 What about what YOU deserve? Trust me....life with an alcoholic (and if he isn't one already, he's headed in that direction) is not a good life. I'm guessing you're fairly young...if you've only been with him for three months and you can already see that his drinking is a problem, get out now and find something better. There is much more to life than walking on eggshells around someone who drinks too much. Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 you are right greensleeves.. i deserve better too.. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Absolutely!!!! If he doesn't even care about himself,how much is going to be able to care about you? Move on and you'll find someone worthy of you. Link to comment
PinkRoses Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 definantely agree with greensleeves, life with an alcoholic is not good. you WILL find better, i think you made the right decision since his drinking seems to be a problem in the relationship. Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 I talk to him just now.. he openly admit that he is NOT gonna change.. i remember he used to talk about having a family.. i wonder if he even have the ability to do so.. so hurt with what he says.. i didn't expect him to change.. i just want him to at least cut down and try not to drink so much... he can't do it.. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 So, now you know what he's willing to do, nothing. What are YOU going to do? Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 going to move on... i have no choice.. basically i went to his place to collect my stuff just now.. he just stood there.. looked at me.. didn't even say anything.. just let me walk out the door without even trying to salvage the relationship or at least ask me to talk.. and when we talked on the phone he did the whole you-are-the-one-to-blame thing about everything.. saying that my approach was angry.. and that i didn't even discuss with him abt the breaking up... but the fact was that i did try to initiate a conversation last night but he couldn't be bother to talk and just left the online chat.. he is the one that is making me angry.. but still talk like as if its all my fault.. when is the right man gonna come around??... Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 and yes i do realized that his alcohol do come first before me muggwuffin.. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 Good for you...you already got your stuff! His attitude about it just drives home the fact that you are too good for him. I don't know when the right man is gonna come around for you...it'll happen when the time is right. Just be proud of yourself right now that you were smart enough to know he wasn't the right man and smart enough to walk away. You're awesome. Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 keeping my finger crossed and i should celebrate.. though i do still cry a little.. but hopefully these sad moments will go by quicker.. Thank you greensleeves for yr advise and even stranger care enough to give advise.. men that you once think that they care actually don't... Link to comment
greensleeves Posted February 21, 2008 Share Posted February 21, 2008 You're welcome! The sad moments will pass...I know some guys can be totally insensitive, but not all of them. A great guy is going to come along for you Good luck and keep us posted. Link to comment
judy1111 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Share Posted February 21, 2008 will definitely do..! Link to comment
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