But We Only Have Two Choices.

[Hunny1607307342]

I have decided- the problem with most of us is that WE CHOOSE not to get over this. We think it will be betraying our heart's and mind's if we let go, if we get rid of this dream which we are clinging onto so tightly, we don't want to let go of this memory of that person and this overflowing TOXIC (because of the break up) love.

 

Ok.. ive been through it all, the grief of the break up etc. and hoping and waiting and anticipating our reconcilation. After two months of NC I declared all to him- 'i've learnt from my mistakes, I'm still madly in love with you, we can be together again!!'

I was rejected. Consequently, I looked, quite simply, pathetic.

My ex: "its okay, you will move on". Me: "I DONT WANT TO!!!!" I cried in misery. But why why why don't I want to. And how on earth am I supposed to do something I don't want to do. That's why we are all trapped.

 

It's been another couple of months since. In total 4 months since the break up, and after days on end of saying to myself 'but I can't move on- but I don't WANT to move on- but I REFUSE to move on when I know this can work- but it's just impossible, we ALWAYS got back together in the end' I thought these persistent thoughts and beliefs would always be in my head, and thus, like a mental illness prevent me from ever moving on or being remotely close or capable.

 

But I've surprised myself.

I now feel I only have two choices. Either I can choose to want to get over it (and logically feel better at some point), or I can dwell and dwell and dwell (and remain miserable). Reality check: there is NO third option, there is NO alternative to those 2 choices. I reckon we seem to forget that. We seem to choose dwelling choice is the one that is the one to pick, as though it is a good choice to pick.

 

This does not mean I don't want my ex back, I do, just as much as before. But there's no reason why I can't still want my ex back during/after we are getting over this horrible phase in time. Once I do begin to get over it, I will then be in the same place as he is, and it's only fair that I am in the same place he is. Why should I be more miserable about our split than him? Why? He too was depressed about the break up initially, he too was madly in love with me- i saw him cry for the first time in 2 years when he was hugging me to say goodbye- he TOO was sick with melancholy. So how is it that now, he so content? because in the aftermath he chose to be, he CHOSE to try and move on... and I didn't.

So now I'm thinking, its about time I TOO choose to be. I have a life waiting for me, and i need to live it properly, fulfillingly.

If he comes back, I will be surprised and over the moon. But if he doesn't, at least I will be able to handle it. So i FINALLY actually CHOOSE to move on, I CHOOSE to want to get over it.

 

The moment you choose to do something, you're a million steps closer. And thereforeee I am million steps closer to getting over this, and thus a million steps closer to feeling powerful happy, etc.

 

And then the world is your oyster.

 

 

 

And another thing- "don't look back, it hurts your neck".

[Hunny1607307342]

And another thing- "don't look back, it hurts your neck".

[thouse]

I think a lot of people choose to stay in misery as some sort of sign of how much they loved the other person. Some feel like if I move on then that will mean I never loved them.

[Hunny1607307342]

Exactly!

 

But we have to realise that that's NOT the case.

My ex loved me but he's moved on/is moving on. We have to remember that if THEY choose to move and learn to postively live without us WE SHOULD TOO irrespective of whether we still deep down think we'll be with them again, we shouldn't lose ourselves if our ex's haven't, we have to learn to be happy and move forwards. In desperate measures, such has these, we have to treat our hearts as just simply a thing on the side.

[thouse]

Exactly!

 

But we have to realise that that's NOT the case.

My ex loved me but he's moved on/is moving on. We have to remember that if THEY choose to move and learn to postively live without us WE SHOULD TOO irrespective of whether we still deep down think we'll be with them again, we shouldn't lose ourselves if our ex's haven't, we have to learn to be happy and move forwards. In desperate measures, such has these, we have to treat our hearts as just simply a thing on the side.

I don't have a problem moving on, matter of fact I am rather looking forward to it. My ex is selfish and does things so that he can stay in my life eventhough he was the one that dumped me. I am just having a hard time totally cutting him out of my life because we have been friends for so long (15yrs)

[tushboy]

Great post...its either moving on or giving it another shot, hanging on or holding to hopes is super painful!