Is "Best Friends" Enough?

[blakkatz01]

All I can say is Karma. What you do will eventually come back and bite you in the a**.

[Cracey]

All I can say is Karma. What you do will eventually come back and bite you in the a**.

 

So I stay in a passionless marriage for the rest of my life (obviously meaning my husband does too) because I'm afraid to face any potential karma or consequences? That would be very selfish of me in my opnion.

[Deon]

Cracey: Totally agree with your response to blakkatz01 - ignore what he said, remember that it is YOUR life; people are quick to judge because it is not their lives that they refer to. If you don’t mind, I would like to ask you a few things, because this would help me again to understand our situation, because you and I are in exactly the same spot. We are also going for our fourth wedding anniversary this year.

 

- Did you have any other serious relationships before you got married?

 

- Are you still staying in the marriage because you are scared of change and what other people might think?

 

- You are 33 years old- do you want kids? If so, are you confident that you will still find someone again, be happy and have kids? (I believe it is possible)

 

- Age gap between couples - do you think it plays an important role?

 

Would appreciate it if you could help me out

 

I feel exactly the same at this stage - I would rather live my life alone then to stop my wife from living and being happy in an unhappy marriage. Thing is, ones there are kids, then I`ll not step out of this marriage, that is why we have to make a decision right now. Life is short - sometimes change is good, and the sooner it comes, the sooner the healing could start.

 

Just one thing: Marriage counselors and shrinks - it is good to make use of them, but remember that they are also just human....sometimes one already knows the answers to all your questions....you just need tp pay someone allot of money to hear it from them. I must say I felt better about myself after we both had several visits to the shrink - we do not have a problem Cracey - we both just made the mistake of stepping into a commitment that we were not meant for - meaning a commitment with the wrong person, that`s all.

 

Good luck to you.

Regards

[Deon]

Cracey: Just to add, you said would like to think I won't make the same mistake again, but I never thought I would in the first place....." - I also never thought that I would end up thinking about divorce, but when I look back now, then I can totally understand why it happened. I believe and know that I will not make the same mistake again - all the signs were in fact there why I should not have gotten married to my wife, but when you are young, you think with your heart and not your head, that`s the problem.

 

In short: Everyone desevers a second chance in life, if no one want to give it to you, create it for yourself. I believe it would be difficult for our partners to understand why this has happened (hell even I am still trying to understand!) - but in the long run, it would make sense. This feeling that we have - I have read bout it - ones it is there, it is going to stay there. Think about it this way. You stil have 40 - 50 years of your life left - do you really want to look back someday and still regret the fact that you did not go through with divorce just because of what other people said and think?

 

The important thing here is, whatever you decide - dont look back and trust that you have made the right decision.

 

Deon

[Cracey]

Thanks for your input Deon, you have obviously been doing a lot of soul searching over this so thanks for sharing. I've sent you a PM to answer the questions in your first post.

[Nec]

This will sound bitter, as I am playing 'catcher' in my upcoming divorce.

 

What you list, dear OP, and how you sound like: THAT is how I feel happened with my own divorce. And I had no chance at all.

 

Adultery begins in the head. And I know THAT from being the one who ruined her first serious relationship. It was an online-thing for me, yet it fully drove me out of my then-boyfriends life.

 

I have no proof at all, but THIS is how I envision things came with my husband.

 

 

He SAID everything was all right and cool. He made me feel safe and love and care for.

 

And then one day I come home and he tells me he does not wish to spend the rest of his life with me.

 

 

Call me selfish, call me off whack.

 

But you guys ARE married. And even if you are saying you never cheated: The moment you did mind-games with "Hm, maybe if I was with THIS other person"... you did.

I do not believe it is fair.

 

You have not mentioned at all if you spoke to your husband. No word if you mentioned to him something is wrong.

 

I know. I am not the right person to talk here, most likely. But right now, I do feel for him and for what will come at him - out of the blue.

[bulletproof]

You have not mentioned at all if you spoke to your husband. No word if you mentioned to him something is wrong.

 

I know. I am not the right person to talk here, most likely. But right now, I do feel for him and for what will come at him - out of the blue.

 

The OP mentions in her first post that she has spoken to her husband about it. I'm not sure your situation is entirely similar.

[Cracey]

I've mentioned several times that my husband and I have spoken about this. We speak about it every day and I'm trying really hard to work on my marriage - I'm not telling him everything is fine and OK and plan one day to spring it all on him. The only thing I have not spoken to him about is the other guy because I see no benefit other than easing my guilt and that will cause him great pain.

 

If you read my posts, I'm not enjoying this situation that I'm in, it's living hell for me too. I don't choose to feel this way, I just do and if there was anything I could do to change it I would. You can't force yourself to be in love with someone, you can try the best you can but if the feelings not there, then its just not.

 

And I've never tried to say that I think my feelings/interaction with the other guy have been innocent. I take full responsibility that the emotional side has gone too far, but I'm not going to let it progress further.

 

I'm sorry what for what you are going through.

[Cracey]

Just wanted to provide a quick update. My husband and I decided to take some time apart for about 6 weeks, life just worked in a way that we could easily do this. I'm with my family who have been so supportive that it's actually surprised me - I expected them to tell me to try harder to make things work and instead they told me to be happy whatever that means for me going forward and they will 100% support me.

 

It feels good right now, but I'm still dreading going back to real life and having to deal with everything again. I'm not sure where I'm going to find the strength from to make this decision, I hate myself for not being strong enough to decide and stick to it. One minute I think it's over for sure and then I think I'm giving up too easily.

 

But I can't go on like this, I just don't know the solution!

 

Thanks for all your feedback and support!