Should I try to get her back?

[bacooper81]

Okay, I'm in a never ending dillema here, and I'd apreciate any advice I can get. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me about 8 months ago, and we had been dating for almost 6 years (through part of highschool and all of college). Both of us thought we would be together forever, but we started arguing a lot the last year or two of our relationship, which led to grudges and eventually us splitting up. When she broke up with me I tried to get her back, but she said she needed time apart. After a couple months, we became friends again, and she asked me to get back together with her. I decided not to because I didn't want to get hurt again, and also she was seeing another guy for a while while we were split up, which really bothered me. Anyway, it's been 8 months now, and I still think about her every day and I'm really depressed. I asked her to get back together a few weeks ago and she turned me down (barely) because she started seeing another guy. Now I'm not sure if I should try to get back together with her or not. Most people tell me that I should date other people and I will find someone more compatable. But we spent 6 years together and I still love and miss her, and I am always thinking that I want to be with her. And I think it could really work this time because a lot of our problems were childish and we have learned a lot since then. I really think that I can get her back if I was truly determined, and not so unsure of what to do. But I can't decide if that is really what's best for both of us. Please let me know if you have any advice that might help.

[S4il]

been a while for both of you, and trying or attempting to go your own ways was a positive note to all that has happened, Now to what you said about her asking you out, you said :

 

bacooper81

we became friends again, and she asked me to get back together with her. I decided not to because I didn't want to get hurt again, and also she was seeing another guy for a while; while we were split up, which really bothered me

 

 

well that was either bad, or good...hard to say, bad for her of course because you let her down, but good for you because you were protecting yourself from getting hurt again..two sides of the coin. on being tarnished the other remaining golden.

 

 

now i also noticed you said :

 

bacooper81

I asked her to get back together a few weeks ago and she turned me down (barely) because she started seeing another guy

 

well how long ago was that, you didn't set a time basis, because things DO take time...can't emphasize* that word TIME enough, if you feel like your ready to Try again, be ready for rejection, especially if it's been only a short while since the first I'd hate to see you get hurt even more, i know it sucks but it happens to the best of us.

 

and make sure she isn't in that relationship with that other cat..that would be way to pressuring and would make her feel pinned down...not a good feeling for anyone.

[Hero_99]

Normally I would disect every single sentence of what a person says here, but I think I will only say one thing here, as I currently have problems of my own.

 

Don't worry about getting her back. You already turned her down last time you wanted to get back together with her, remember? Well, chicks have long memories.

 

Maybe she might want to get back with you if you start seeing other girls; you know jealousy speaks very loud in the female world, and she will start missing you probably. Go ahead and give it a shot you have a better chance than sitting around mopping about it.

[S4il]

i would like to say well said Hero_99 you always offer very encouraging words to those in need, including myself, now get your butt to the hospital

[bacooper81]

First, thanks for the advice so far. But I want to add that my main problem is deciding whether I should get back together with her or not. I mean she was my only serious girlfriend. So is it best to see what else is out there? But it's been 8 months and I'm still not over her. Also, I keep thinking about how great our relationship used to be, and how much we were in love. So does that mean that I should be with her? I'm so confused, and sick of feeling like this.

[S4il]

well 8 months is a long time, and it's best if you decide for yourself, i can't say YES, and i can't say NO, b/c i don't know what she is thinking, you know her best...try talking with her again if you haven't already, i recommend in a person to person contact, write a poem, have a song playing in the background

 

"Genuine" *my whole Life has Changed* is a great song, and it says a lot...to what i think your trying to get accross. just be prepared for whatever you do. be strong if you don't go threw with this, and move on...find someone that wants to be with you, sometimes when you stop looking is when that person comes around.

[Celadon]

Cooper, if you guys do get back together, do you have a game plan for how you're going to stay together without arguing all the time? I'm sure you had a great relationship (which you're now thinking about all the time), but there's reasons why you broke up, too.

 

I'd humbly suggest that you two talk about that (what went wrong), if you haven't already. Take a real hard look. Admit when you were wrong. Understand each other. Commit to working through your issues so you'll be stronger when/if you decide to get back together.

 

Only time will tell if you'll both be in the same place/frame of mind at the same time to get back together. Meanwhile, getting some closure on the breakup will help you either prepare to be better with one another in the future as bf/gf, or know for sure that you want to move on. Good luck.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

I don't see where this is going...didn't u say that she's with someone else?

 

Happy Heb

[optimistic]

Hi bacooper81..

 

I was in a similar place mate. Was with my girl for 4 and a half years. When she left me I was distraught. Her leavng me made me find this site. The advice I got from here was great and really helped me through what I know is a Effing horrible time in your life.

 

I live in a very small place, everyone I know knows everyone else and you can usually expect where people are going to be, what bar or nightclub etc.. so avoiding her when we split up was nightmare, as we did see each other a lot accidentally.

 

You need to give yourself some direction my man, you need to distract yourself from thinking about her to enable yourself to repair. My advice would be to you to get yourself a 4 time a week fittness/weights program down the gym or fitness studio. Get fit in a major way. When you are pushing or pulling weights its pretty difficult to think of anything else than finishing the set. Getting fit gives you much more energy and you slowly start to feel good about yourself and the way you look. Also go jogging. Use the jogging time to think about her and you'll be surprised how far you have ended up running. Build that into your program.

 

Not only that, read some self help books "Unlimited Power" and "Awaken the Giant Within" both by Anthony Robbins gave me a completely different perspective on how and why poeple around us do what they do and how you can use it for YOUR advantage as apposed to you seeing it as another negative or problem for you.

 

My story had the happy end you long for. After 7 months of being split up, in the last 2 months I was dating like a pro. I was looking good and feeling good aboout myself for the fist time since we split up, then you know what happened? She asked for a 2nd chance. I gave it to her. We are still working on it and its not easy to get over the Broken Trust, but I do Love Her.. So she turned my life upside down twice in 7 months.... You can believe me that things are Different right now..

 

I can't promise that if you do this, this will happen to you to. But you will be on the road to getting yourself back on track and feeling good about yourself, maybe even dating again.

 

My experience tells me that if women know that the have got something 100%, they lose interest, it's too easy. When you divert your energy on yourself or someone else, the challenge for them comes back. It's like the saying, "you always want what you can't have".. believe me it's true.

 

I can also tell you that all this pain you are feeling she has too. She is just dealing with it in a very different way than us guys do. Don't think its easy for her either, she'll just never let you see it unless she wants you to see it.

 

So.. start looking out for yourself, get fit, go jogging divert your energy on yourself and start dating and you'll never know what is round the corner.

 

My last word to you is "Be carful what you wish for". I got my girl back and all the baggage and problems from the split, the other guys, the distrust to deal with, plus a whole load of problems we didn't talk about that led to the split in the first place.

 

When I look at that, and how easy it is to be a single guy not answering to anyone or anything and this broken relationship I'm trying to put back together with my new ex-girlfrind, I wonder if I did the right thing. But, when I look in her eyes or she holds my hand and remember the love, I know it's the right thing for us.

 

I hope we'll be together forever, but no-one can guarantee that, that's what I DO know now. You'll never know someone 100%.

 

Wish you all the best mate.

 

optimistic

[bacooper81]

Thanks for all the help, I apreciate it. I will most likely just move on, and hopefully meet someone new that I like. But I still can't help thinking about all the great memories I'm leaving behind, and I wonder if I will ever be that close to anyone again. I hope I'm not making a mistake by giving up on her.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Like i said..don't cut yourself up too much. Everydoor closed is a door opened, mistakes are only what you want them to be and only time will tell what will happen.

 

Happy Heb

[EmptySoul]

sometimes love in itself isn't enough to make things work between two people. don't be depressed though, even though what you're going through is hard on you. maybe explain to her how you feel, ask her how she feels about you, and about the new guy she is with. then give her some more time, see what happens.

EmptySoul