blink_guy Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 ok so my girlfriend and i are great exept i dont like this one thing. theres this guy that i am somewhat friends with and she is good friends with. his father just passed away so hes pretty down. so since he died my girlfriend and him have been talkign/texting non stop and hangs out once a week. she knows veery well how much it bugs me but she says its jsut waht she needs to do. am i wrong to be uspet? Link to comment
melrich Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 am i wrong to be uspet? Well you are not wrong because feelings are feelings. But some moments and events are bigger than us. In this case it sounds like she is being a good friend and I think you have to do your best to support that. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 but the thing is that it seems liek she would be willing to break up with me if i said no you cant hang out with him. im saying this not because she ditches me or anything but jsut because she feels so strongly about it. i mean the guys got plenty other friends as he was a well known guy around the school i just dont see why shes gota take it upon her self to be his new best friend Link to comment
surfNski Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 I would keep my eye on her, thats for sure.. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 He is giving her the support she needs. Why isn't she coming to you? What is he doing for her that you aren't? shes not the one that needs support the other guy is. she is supporting him Link to comment
inlove123 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Id say keep your distance but keep a close eye. If a friend of mine lost a friend, girl or not id try my best my to be there for her. Dont whine about the fact shes trying to be there. Your not wrong, your not right. Feelings are feelings. But like said before, there are things in this world whether we want to believe it or not that are bigger than us. This will most likely blow over. If you have reason to believe past a small insecurity of losing her, that theres something going on. Then sadly, your probably right. Give it time man. Good luck. Link to comment
Nick_10 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 well not to rain on anyones cloud here, but the same situation happened to me (my girlfriend became good friends with my buddy) and after i said to her, "i am completely okay with you guys talking, but please just when you guys flirt it makes me feel uncomfortable" she went all nuts and told me that i should KNOW she loves me and i am with YOU and not him and blah blahh blahh. two weeks later on new years eve, she dumped me after 23 months. a few days after that, she went on a date with that guy. i love the guy, hes a good friend of mine and i do feel bad for him cause hes in a bad situation (he was unaware that we were separated and that he was going with JUST her), but dude, she canned me for him lmfao. i dont know, i trusted her and he told me she would always text him and stuff, but yeah. i guess all i gotta say dude, is to TRUST her and just back off, but like inlove said, keep an eye out alright good luck buddy Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 The exact same thing happened to me that happened to nick_10. My girlfriend kept hanging out with this guy, and gave him loads of support when his father died. He kept turning to her when he had plenty of other friends and I was sure he was using the fact that he was upset to get her attention. sure enough he told her he had feelings for her not long afterwards. I told her that I didn't want her to see him, but she kept saying that he is a good friend and that it was ME she loved and that she didn't have feelings for this guy. She dumped me new year's eve and went out with him 6 days later. I know that you should trust your partner, but I trusted my gf and look what happened. I feel like I could have prevented this happening if I was firmer in not wanting her to see him. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 24, 2008 Author Share Posted January 24, 2008 ok so all i can do is sit and watch and know that my girl can be snaked away from me right now? what if i were to say that i think hes craving attention not from just anyone but her in specific and that he can definitely get the support else where? do you think she will get mad at that? i would like some more girls opinions Link to comment
surfNski Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Hey man, its your call. But I would "man up" and put my foot down and say you dont want her going over and "consoling" him all by herself. She will probably get mad at you, but I would rather have a girl be mad at me than to sit there and watch some dude take my woman and not say anything. I am sure most people wont like this response, but its what I would do. Either way, good luck man. I hope everything works out. Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 Hey man, its your call. But I would "man up" and put my foot down and say you dont want her going over and "consoling" him all by herself. She will probably get mad at you, but I would rather have a girl be mad at me than to sit there and watch some dude take my woman and not say anything. I am sure most people wont like this response, but its what I would do. Either way, good luck man. I hope everything works out. I'm agree completely. You're in a tough position, but the kind of relationship they're probably building with each other could very easily ruin your relationship with her. She's put you in this awkward position. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 24, 2008 Share Posted January 24, 2008 you said they meet up once a week. how long has this been going on? if the dad passed away like months ago, this guy is using her for something. he's trying to get somewhere. sounds like a real good friend. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 25, 2008 Author Share Posted January 25, 2008 wel ok its been twice. once before he died and once after the funeral. but it has shown no sign of stopping and they are constantly texting like 24/7 and stuff liek that Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 wel ok its been twice. once before he died and once after the funeral. but it has shown no sign of stopping and they are constantly texting like 24/7 and stuff liek that so the person passed away like a week or two ago? then i'd get over it. if in a couple of weeks this continues, i think it's safe to say this guy is moving in on her. Link to comment
Natty7 Posted January 25, 2008 Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hey man, its your call. But I would "man up" and put my foot down and say you dont want her going over and "consoling" him all by herself. She will probably get mad at you, but I would rather have a girl be mad at me than to sit there and watch some dude take my woman and not say anything. I am sure most people wont like this response, but its what I would do. Either way, good luck man. I hope everything works out. Being a woman... I would respect a man that did this. My guy has had to put his foot down a few times with me and my so-called "guy friends." I say so-called because I thought they were my friends, but really they were after something more. Well, he would just point blank switch the shoe on the other foot... ask me how I would feel if he did this with so and so... I would feel what he was feeling and keep my distance knowing how he felt, I couldn't proceed. Does that make sense? Flip the situation around and ask her how she would feel if you were "consoling" some girl... But again, I would respect the above.... But it is your decision. Good Luck... Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 ok well what if she gets mad at me? do i really have the right to get mad at her for hanging out with a friend in need? one thing i would like to know is how the two are when they hang out. she is hanging out with him again next week. that is three times and they constantly text and talk but i dont know about what. but i know that its not about his father. Link to comment
stellastrawberry Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 Wait a minute, how long has she been friends with this guy? You described them as good friends. Was she friends with him before the two of you got together? His father just died. She is supporting her good friend. Honestly, I think the reason she would be willing to dump you if you put your foot down right now over this is it would seem controlling and unreasonable. If in two months they are still in contact 24/7, maybe, but you are worried because she has gotten together with her "good friend" twice, once before and once after his father DIED? I'm sorry, but I think that it is unkind and unreasonable to be questioning either of their motives at this point. I seriously doubt this guy is using HIS FATHERS DEATH to get into your girlfriends pants. Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 Wait a minute, how long has she been friends with this guy? You described them as good friends. Was she friends with him before the two of you got together? His father just died. She is supporting her good friend. Honestly, I think the reason she would be willing to dump you if you put your foot down right now over this is it would seem controlling and unreasonable. If in two months they are still in contact 24/7, maybe, but you are worried because she has gotten together with her "good friend" twice, once before and once after his father DIED? I'm sorry, but I think that it is unkind and unreasonable to be questioning either of their motives at this point. I seriously doubt this guy is using HIS FATHERS DEATH to get into your girlfriends pants. well yeah i know thats why i havent told her that i was upset or that i didnt like it. or that i dont want them hanging out. i know that he needs a friend. and thats why this is such a tricky situation. they werent best of friends. they never hung out or texted before. but they did work together for the past 8 months or so. they do talk together in the hallways. but that was it. it happened when they had were doing this school project together and she found out. and then a week later he died. and they hung out again. and now they will be hanging out next week and thats third time. but the thing is they NEVER talk about his dad. they just talk as if nothing happened. Link to comment
lamcyplaza Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 well yeah i know thats why i havent told her that i was upset or that i didnt like it. or that i dont want them hanging out. i know that he needs a friend. and thats why this is such a tricky situation. they werent best of friends. they never hung out or texted before. but they did work together for the past 8 months or so. they do talk together in the hallways. but that was it. it happened when they had were doing this school project together and she found out. and then a week later he died. and they hung out again. and now they will be hanging out next week and thats third time. but the thing is they NEVER talk about his dad. they just talk as if nothing happened. Dude!! 1.CHILL! the more u brood the more ull hurt urself. 2.So what if they dont talk about his dad?i mean cmon!dey r meeting so that he diverts his mind...simple as that! 3. Would u react in the same way if it was her female friend? 4. U have to trust ur gf!period!if she breaks ur trust, shez not worth it..its as simple as that! 5.r u secretly jealous of his looks or anything he has that u think may attract ur girl? Link to comment
blink_guy Posted January 26, 2008 Author Share Posted January 26, 2008 no i am not jealous of him at all in that respect. the only thing im jealous of him is that he is getting soo much attention from my girlfriend. and yea i would react differently if it was a female friend but they are teh same sex. like why cant the guy go hangout with his guy friends. or the ppl he used to hang out with? Link to comment
boomshanks Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 man his dad died. think about it in your shoes. what if your father died? wouldnt you want all the support you can get from your buddies? liek the above posters said. there are bigger things than us and this is one of those things Link to comment
Phaser Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Hmm, IMO lets say you prepare this awesomely special night for her and she blows you off to hang out with him then get mad. But for now just don't do anything. Link to comment
boo121 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Whatever she does in her spare time is up to her. You don't know what they are talking about over text message, you don't know what she is doing with him, you can't mind read. But ur gut is saying somethin is up. I'd trust ur gut... Phaser is right on, arrange to meet up with her. If she acts a tiny bit uninterested, or tries to rearrange, say to her "come on... why are you trying to play games with me here? Look my time is valuable to me, i'm free this wednesday if you want to get together then tell me! if you don't then this probablly isn't gona work out" I don't know what ur situation is, but if he is interfering with you and her getting together, then you need to sort it out for yourself. Link to comment
boo121 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 man his dad died. think about it in your shoes. what if your father died? wouldnt you want all the support you can get from your buddies? liek the above posters said. there are bigger things than us and this is one of those things People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. He has more than enough support from his family and friends. If she wants to hang out with him, in my opinion thats fine. But if it's getting in the way of their relationship then he needs to put his foot down. Link to comment
acousticlayla Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 but the thing is that it seems liek she would be willing to break up with me if i said no you cant hang out with him. yeah sorry but i would probably dump someone who flat out tried to tell me who i could and couldn't hang out with too. that is BS. Link to comment
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