oceanview Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Hello all! What grabs your attention and gets you thinking a person may be gay/lesbian? How in the world can I get past all the uncertainty without asking? Are there signs that I can notice? I know I sound silly, but I need help. Link to comment
MorbidMetalHead87 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I am the same as you I can never tell unlease they tell me. lol. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 If they're strangers, who cares? If you know them, they'll usually mention it and the stereotypes can be misleading, since they don't follow any rulebooks. Link to comment
oceanview Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 If they're strangers, who cares? If you know them, they'll usually mention it and the stereotypes can be misleading, since they don't follow any rulebooks. I get what you're saying, but I care if they're strangers because I might be interested. Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Are you asking to know due to curiosity or are you asking to know in order to determine if they would be interested in you? If you're asking in order to determine interest, look for signs of them being interested in you rather than signs of them being gay or not. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 For unknown reasons to me, gay men tend to act feminine, lots of wrist action and general female mannerisms. Gay women or bisexual women often will comment on other attractive women and maybe even be outspoken enough to say they would like to be with them in a sexual way. Even if laughing when they say it, it is meaningful. Also if you never see the person with opposite gender, and there is no history of them being with such, that's a very big clue. I think you have poor gaydar dude. LOL If you are gay, damn you need to sharpen up the senses. LOL Not all gay men have limp wrists, and not all women who comment about another women's sexuality are lesbian. I have been known to make very elaborate comments about a very sexual women when out in public with friends but I am not gay. But i am not dead...i can notice that she is very attractive in a sexual manner.... To the OP you can't always tell without asking or taking a chance...if you are interested in a specific person and don't want to ask them be observant ...... VERY observant. Sometimes you have to take a chance and just ask if you really think they are and you are interested. The worst that can happen is rejection. Learn how to handle it...once you do, the world is your oyster. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 When I hung out with a lesbian couple, I enjoyed the way they dispatched the men who hit on them. It was brutal. You may find people who display flaming behavior, but never notice the majority who don't. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 My gay neighbor caught a burglar an held him in a headlock with one arm while calling the cops. The thief was so glad to be taken away. Tony was about as feminine as a cinder block, and ran a bar with a huge Marine Corps clientele doubling as the bouncer. Have you ever been in a leather bar? Those guys scare the hell out of me. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Hmm. I guess I learned something new today. LOL. Did you? Surely you had a masculine friend or two who was deep down gay and you just didn't know... Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I know! You really have me thinking now. There were some accidental brushes of hands against me but I always shrugged it off because they were big burly dudes, but now I think I might have been touched inappropriately at times. LOL you are being silly. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I grew up in a very gay-friendly neighborhood and later lived in the middle of the gay area as a young man. I worked as an artist in a company that was 40% gay and lesbian with a gay boss. I've been hit on just once by a guy, and he was drunk and apologetic. Made me laff. Link to comment
watupgangsta Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 lol so, my wrists soometimes go limp, not when im standing up but when im sitting down. if people see this in public are they gonna assume im gay? i'm not at all, but letting the wrist go just happens naturally for me... Link to comment
toshiba Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Yeah...what if you have carpal tunnel? Does this mean that the computer age is turning people gay? Link to comment
langford Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 All the gay men i have met where feminine in one way or another even the ones I know who are outwardly very masculine ,they were all more emotive and sensitive then the average straight guy, which is a classically feminine trait. Yes there are some who look and act like bikers or who appear "straight" but so many are feminine. Link to comment
Mandyish Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Well I can def comment as I led a lesbian lifestyle for almost 10 years of my life. Many gay women are into sports and have a sporty look/dress sporty. Alot also have some masculine qualities but not all. I had heard a rumor about a particular woman at work and since I was curious, I started to hang with her more and she finally told me. I think she got tired of me trying to get her to go out and party with me (straight clubs) and we became friends and she felt comfortable. She was kinda guyish, girlfriend was very feminine. Def would not have guessed about her girlfriend! Very feminine. The more masculine ones are way easier. Usually shorter hair, just guyish qualities. The fem ones, hmmm, no one ever guessed I was gay so ... my suggestion is get to be friends with a more masculine one that is obvious- she will know other lesbians that you can meet. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I can tell, but I don't know how I can tell.... I think the more you meet, the more you can spot it... As for women, I tend to look for clues of heterosexuality and rule them out first that way. Straight women I find tend to have a certain look about them. They're more likely to dress in a casual kind of way, and wear makeup which is trying to be natural. It's because they're influenced by their boyfriends or potential boyfriends. Basically, they will try to look hot, but also look like they're not trying to. And they will treat other women in a particular way, like they'll be either really friendly without thinking much of it, and compliment you without being shy about it, and admit to you the stuff they're not good at, (because they don't care about making a good impression on you), or they'll treat you as competition. Lesbian women are more likely to treat you with more regard, and more awareness. They also might be more guarded because if you're a woman then you're potentially a heart breaker. Link to comment
LilStud86 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I am a gay man, and for the world nobody can tell. I am the captain of my boxing team at my college, and have no lisp or limp wrist. Gaydar is strange. Sometimes you can just TELL. It doesn't have to be a flamer you are watching. Usually trusting your first instinct is best, but there is always a chance of rejection. Usually I wait to look for signs (many of the above mentioned are helpful) and then just flat out ask if it seems appropriate lol. Stereotypes are not always the best to look for when someone is gay, but they can help for the most obvious cases. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 I am a gay man, and for the world nobody can tell. I am the captain of my boxing team at my college, and have no lisp or limp wrist. Gaydar is strange. Sometimes you can just TELL. It doesn't have to be a flamer you are watching. Usually trusting your first instinct is best, but there is always a chance of rejection. Usually I wait to look for signs (many of the above mentioned are helpful) and then just flat out ask if it seems appropriate lol. Stereotypes are not always the best to look for when someone is gay, but they can help for the most obvious cases. I have a very good guy friend who is gay and NO ONE knows but me and one other close friend. he is 28 years old and he is such a mess inside because he refuses to come out. He has guy friends who are very much the "rough and tumble" type and they make their little gay jokes and such and this guy is terrified of anyone finding him out. We have had many many indepth conversations and i have tried to help him but i have told him many times until he stops living a lie he will always feel tortured inside. He was even contemplating marrying a girl last year that he struck a deal wtih. She was very young and struggling financially and he was giong to pay her to marry him just so he could get people off his back with the questions. Thank God he didn't do it. But he refuses to come out. He is a nervous wreck because at the age of 28 and never dated he nwo gets the occasional "whats amatta you gay man" from his friends and it rips him apart inside. i don't know why people have to be so cruel. I don't know why they don't just leave him be and stop worrying him so much. His personal life is his own business. Link to comment
oceanview Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 I went to check on a customer at work just recently. I had no stereotypes to go on as she was just sitting there. She was very femme and I've never seen this lady before in my life. I don't know how, but I just knew she was into women before I even spoke to her. I kepy my eyes on her as I walked up to her. Didn't break eye contact at all. She saw me coming over and didn't break the eye contact for even a second. I spoke to her for a sec. You know, asked if she was doing ok etcetera. I began to walk away and she called me back. Next thing you know she's hitting on me strong! It was weird how I just knew she was into women and how she picked up on me. I'm on the feminine side so I don't think she had the stereotypes to help her. I wish I could do that with women I like. Link to comment
FoxLocke Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 For me, as my gaydar becomes increasingly more refined by the day, all of them just have this "quality." It is this weird X-Factor about gays and lesbians. I don't care how masculine a guy is or how feminine a female is there is just something that screams, "Oh my god...They are gay!" Can't really put my finger on it...You just know when you see them. Link to comment
Puma Posted January 26, 2008 Share Posted January 26, 2008 I can never actually tell unless their behavior radiates with gayness. In high school, there was a girl who carried herself in a very masculine way...trying to deepen her voice, burly, and didn't ever wear anything remotely feminine (except for school dances). Now the boys were fairly obvious with them trying to make their voice pitch higher, often had only female friends, etc. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I think I'm quite 'femme' although I like casual clothes, I make an effort with my hair and makeup. Many people have picked up easily on my sexuality though. When I started work some guys started calling me 'cute little lesbian' and I wondered how the heck they could know that I like women! I never told anyone. I've also had a couple of women come on to me, as if they knew that I wouldn't reject them. I find it quite hard to tell if women are gay though apart from noticing the usual stereotypes. I'm not always sure how to tell. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Also, if a woman seems to flirt with you does this mean she could be interested? There's a woman at work who touches me a lot, makes eye contact and smiles a lot and offers to buy me drinks and drive me home and stuff. She texts me about work but puts lots of kisses at the end even though I don't know her very well. Last week she came up behind me and put her hands on my hips when she was talking to me. Is this flirting? I think maybe I'm reading too much into it as she is married to a man, but I can't help feeling like she's either interested or messing with me because she knows I like women. What do you think? Link to comment
oceanview Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 Last week she came up behind me and put her hands on my hips when she was talking to me. Is this flirting? All I can say is if she's not interested, then I'd think she's a complete flirt and tease. If you don't welcome her behavior then this qualifies as sexual harassment. How does all this make you feel? Link to comment
samantha20 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 well she's my manager which makes it worse I guess. She is very attractive but I just find it a bit confusing because I don't know her very well and she's married! So I tell myself I must be imagining it, but she just seems so flirty. If she isn't interested then I don't really like being teased / messed with. she's also been raving to the other staff about how I'm an amazing dj and she really likes me and wants to give me more shifts and more money. Maybe she just likes my work and I'm reading too much into it.. just find the touching, lots of kisses at the end of messages and the other stuff I mentioned a bit strange for a manager who doesn't really know me. Someone else at work thought I was gay because they saw my ex coming to see me a lot before we broke up, so maybe it got back to my manager and now she's either interested or messing with me. I guess I'll just see how it progresses. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.