Madoc Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Iam a 21 year old Male who has never dated a woman in my life. Iv'e asked out alot of women in my life from Jr high all the way throughout college and all of them have turned me down. Its almost fustrating because even some of these girls show interest and then they either reject me or they have a boyfriend and it sucks. I don't concider myself like superhot but I know I look great for being fullfigured Its very difficult for me to lose weight since that runs in my family gene however though women seem to love the color of my hair. I have read various books and did some other things and they haven't helped much. Now that iam out there living life better than ever before I feel that i can overcome and success is only a matter of time but this issue is like a bad storm in the far distance of my life, with everyday that pases by it gets worst. My life is slowly coming together and I know I can offer anyone alot and id love to share my life with someone else for a change, most important grow. What really like bugs me is how inexperianced iam, everybody else I know older and younger has been in a relationship atleast once before where as me I haven't even kissed a girl once. With that said its pretty safe to say i will never be in a relationship at all. Should I begin to face the facts now that it may never happen?. Link to comment
Dako Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 21? Hardly an old guy. If you think life before 21 determines your life's path, think again. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It will happen. As you said, you're life is coming together and with that you will have more confidence. 21 is young, so please don't think for a moment that you will never have a relationship. I'm sure there are alot of people your age (and older) who are in the same boat as you. Try not to focus too much on it, just carry on with your life and your friends and continue to ask girls out that you find interesting. Don't let rejection get you down...we all face it and you only have to find one great girl who IS interested. If you're concerned about your weight, start to work out a bit, even walking everyday is really great for you. Do it for you and for your health. Again, it will make you feel more confident and that will work in your favor. Hang in there, it will all be okay, just give it time. You sound like a sweet guy and some girl is going to be very lucky to find you Link to comment
AngelEyez Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 21 years old is not old. Relationships happen at different times in life. No one is exactly the same. You're attracting negatives into your life. You're always thinking, "I will never be in a relationship at all." Hey, if you keep thinking this way, it might happen. Try thinking positive for a change. List the things that you do want in life...and keep thinking that way. It seriously does work. Link to comment
gilfer Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Prehaps you are trying too hard. Dont worry, 21 is still a young age. Learn how to be happy being yourself, when you are happy it does have a positive effect on others.Dont rush into a relationship just for the sake of it.Us men dont need women to validate our existence you know. Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Donno what else to think I don't want to remain like this forever because before you know it I will be in my 30's and still no relationship. indeed I feel like I am a positive person overall I feel like I got everything going for me and again things are pending for the better but the relationship and dating thing is slowing becoming an issue for me in terms of a road block, glass ceiling whatever you want to call it. I feel like iam in the middle of the road now as to weither or not I should keep trying or except it that I may never be in a relationship its like one foot in one foot out kind of thing right now. Being rejected hurts but you can get over that its a part of life in all aspects but building a relationship with someone great with a possible potental G/F is all good and everything only for her to go date somebody else is even worst and I feel like ****. My last attempt I felt like I was defeated and ultimately I gave up and close my mind off for the remainder of 07 I was sooo close and that has been the closet I have ever been to having a G/F. Iam very good friends with her and her husband though is the positive side and they have tought me alot. Alot of other people I know recomended that i go and hire an escort of somekind to build more confidiance but Iam not a fan of using people in anyway. I don't know how women react when they know there man is inexperianced but from my personal experiances they seem to hate it and they perfer somebody with somekind of real time experiance under their belt, could that be the problem?. Reading books have helped me big time and being surrounded by people in relationships or marriage can help but that makes you feel like you don't belong like their and whats worst is all of my friends and family are again have been there atleast once except for me I feel like iam the only one in my circle of people who has never been in love or anything like that. Its remained a great mystry to me and I don't want it to stay that way. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 You have to stop thinking so negatively. You are only 21 so to say that before you know it you'll be in your 30's and still not have had a relationship is no way for you to be thinking about your life. Maybe you need to expand your circle of friends if you feel that you're the only one in your position. There are plenty of people your age who don't have relationship experience, so please don't feel like you're some kind of freak or something....you're not! You are focusing on it too much and that will make you come accross as desperate, which you don't want. Focus on improving other areas of your life right now and the relationships will naturally follow. As for hiring an escort, that is a personal choice, but I wouldn't consider that "using" another person as you would be paying for a service. You may want to give yourself more time before you take that road though. If the first time you're with someone you truly have feelings for them, it will be more rewarding and special for you. I can't stress enough that at 21 you should not give up on ever having a relationship, you are so young and have plenty of time. Just a though...have you ever thought of tryng online dating like link removed or something? Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 I can't stress enough that at 21 you should not give up on ever having a relationship, you are so young and have plenty of time. Just a though...have you ever thought of tryng online dating like link removed or something? I have no idea how the online dating thing works but thats practically the only thing I haven't tryed yet. Its also been suggested to me a few times already. Has it worked for you or anyone else you might know?. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 There's a recent thread in ena somewhere where alot of people have shared their experiences...I'm not sure how to find it but I think the thread title is eharmony something. You could just do an internet search and get lots of info. A good website for you to check out would be link removed. Lots of good info. from men's perspectives. Don't worry so much about this....you are young and have plenty of time. I'll bet by the time your 30 you'll have a few relationships under your belt. Link to comment
Dating Coach Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Madoc, you're right to want to get a hold of this issue. Read the link in my sig, see if it can answer many of your questions or shed some light on things. Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 5, 2008 Author Share Posted January 5, 2008 Madoc, you're right to want to get a hold of this issue. Read the link in my sig, see if it can answer many of your questions or shed some light on things. Thanks BTW are you the one who wrote the book Dating Coach by anychance? sorry but I couldn't help but remember that name from that book. There's a recent thread in ena somewhere where alot of people have shared their experiences...I'm not sure how to find it but I think the thread title is eharmony something. You could just do an internet search and get lots of info. A good website for you to check out would be link removed. Lots of good info. from men's perspectives. Don't worry so much about this....you are young and have plenty of time. I'll bet by the time your 30 you'll have a few relationships under your belt. I will defnately look into that possiblitly I want success for a change. I don't want things like dating to be an issue for me in the future because thats the only thing I see thats very challenging for me at the moment and everybody even the girls I do fancy tell don't worry so much, you'll know what to do when the time comes. Now iam not sure what they mean by that. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 I think they probably mean that when the right person comes along you'll know it and it will happen naturally for you. But, I'm getting that you don't want to wait forever People always say that when you're looking too hard for a relationship it doesn't happen and then when you stop looking the person walks into your life. I'm not sure that I agree with that...you have to put yourself out there, I mean if you're sitting at home and giving up, how is that person going to find you? On the other hand, if you're trying too hard people can sense that. It a bit of a vicious circle isn't it? You're lucky, you have lots of time on your side and the willingness to put some work into it. Anyway, I just googled online dating and there are all kinds of sites out there with advice and tips. Check them out and maybe try to go on a few dates...it can't hurt and you'll get the opportunity to "practice" your dating skills and that will build some confidence for you...who knows you might meet someone great! Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Most definitely I put myself out there and I do indeed talk with women on a daily basis i mean now its 50% of my friends are women while the other half is men I learn alot from both of them its just I don't want to wait until like iam 40 . So its not like Iam sitting behind closed doors most of the day and thats what hurts the most is there's no exuses their iam healthy I live in a town of 500k people living around me so why can't I excute?. Everybody else it looks very easy for them. Is asking that question really that difficult?. Also how does Shyness turn a woman away from a man?. I will look into that possiblitly though. Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 13, 2008 Author Share Posted January 13, 2008 Dammit I blew it again. This past friday I have been prospecting two girls I wouldn't mind dating but iam good friends with them so far but I know one is single while the other I have no clue about I really think they are great women and they are slightly older than me. I like em both. Anyways I didn't have much time, I was very tired, wasn't in the right state of mind knowing I had an hour drive back home and I had to wake up at 5 on the dot the next day with very little sleep as is. I hopefully get to see them again this friday IF the damn weather is good and all goes well I think i will atleast chat with one of them. donno what iam gonna do. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Hey Madoc...be careful about waiting too long to ask a girl out, she might friendzone you . You sound like a very nice guy so it could easily happen....everyone likes to have nice friends. If you see them this Friday, why don't you ask one of them out. You could just say something like "Hey do you want to get together for a drink sometime?" (or whatever) And then get her number. If you wait too long you'll think about it too much. The very worst thing that will happen is she'll say no...if that happens, don't take it to heart. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, we all get rejected and it's just a part of putting yourself out there. I read somewhere (maybe on this forum) that an average guy gets a date every 10 girls he asks out. I don't know if there's any truth to it....but at least you'll know you're not the only one. Anyway....chances are she'll say yes Good luck!!! Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 definitely like a "predate" of somekind will work almost what i do in my company where we setup appointments before we bring them down for a final interview. I can defnately do this. What kind of questions could I ask to find out as to weither or not they are in a relationship? or is that something I will have to take a risk on?. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 When you ask a girl out, if they're seeing someone they'll let you know. You don't have to worry about a "predate"...just ask them out. Any kind of one-on-one get together is considered a "date", even if it's just a coffee, a drink or a walk. And don't worry much about it, just be yourself. As long as you're genuine and just being who you are, you will be fine. Everyone has different likes and dislikes, inluding women, so don't try to be someone else in order to impress someone, you can never go wrong just being you. If you don't hook up with someone right away, keep trying and don't give up Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 14, 2008 Author Share Posted January 14, 2008 When you ask a girl out, if they're seeing someone they'll let you know. You don't have to worry about a "predate"...just ask them out. Any kind of one-on-one get together is considered a "date", even if it's just a coffee, a drink or a walk. And don't worry much about it, just be yourself. As long as you're genuine and just being who you are, you will be fine. Everyone has different likes and dislikes, inluding women, so don't try to be someone else in order to impress someone, you can never go wrong just being you. If you don't hook up with someone right away, keep trying and don't give up You have a PM. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 You have a PM. Received and answered...hope it's helpful! Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Received and answered...hope it's helpful! thank you. Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 There are people (for whatever reason) that are not desired. It is a natural lottery and not something free will can do much about. As for me I have to plan my life as if there will be no other standing in the picture. Just be ready to live out your life they way you want. It is a privilage to get to share it with another. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 ftheunion...you are 19, please don't feel that way about yourself. You are so young and there is a world of possibilities out there for you. Link to comment
Madoc Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 There are people (for whatever reason) that are not desired. It is a natural lottery and not something free will can do much about. As for me I have to plan my life as if there will be no other standing in the picture. Just be ready to live out your life they way you want. It is a privilage to get to share it with another. Its mostly a choice to have someone else in your life than a natural lottery. For me I have had minor success with the oppsite sex atleast now that I think about it and I think for me it would be best to partner up with someone in life. I have had nobody else in the picture all my life and have done everything by myself and its like I can do it for the rest of my life that way if I wanted to but I want to see it for myself. Its definitely a choice we will have to make. Although I have already excepted the fact that I may never kiss a woman in my life, I do want to experiance a relationship atleast once before I die and all the greatness it has to offer, I always wondered what it feels like to kiss, sex, cuddle, and just spend the day with that other person you know. Falling in love and such. I want to know and experiance it for myself so It will no long remain such a great mystry for me. I always thought that If I remained untouched a complete virgin nobody would want to be with me sense I pretty much wouldn't know what to do. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Seek and ye shall find Link to comment
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