Like a quarterly statement, my ex contacts me AGAIN after xmas..need your advice

[tray25]

Okay.

 

I think I screwed up by sending this text but here is a brief synopsis of my battle with this psycho girl who dumped me.

 

Strung me along for nine months, called me in the middle of the night crying about her ex. I said please stop contacting me. At this point all intimacy and you name it, were gone.. Three months later, she texts me. I say what do you want? She says some crap about seeing how I was doing. I say thanks but no thanks and tell her I don't want to be friends with her since she will date other men. She says she is not, I don't know if its true. But I could tell she didnt want to do anything. Three months goes by and here is what happens day after christmas.

 

The following is a text message conversation......

 

Psycho you had good holidays.

Me: I did. Hope you did too.

Psycho: What have you been up to?

Me: working, traveling, partying

Psycho: oh, sounds like you are busy. Well stop by and say hi sometime (works in the same building but different shift)

Me: we'll see. I am not around that shift. If there is something you want to talk to me about you can call me

Psycho: I just wanted to catch up. Is that a bad thing?

 

At this point I am really angry...Once again she wants me to chase her around and go to her, and she wont reconcile. She won't say I miss you lets work on things or even hey lets go get coffee or something. Correct me if Im wrong but I thought this was weak.

 

So here was my text and I dont know if it was a mistake

 

"As I have told you before sweetheart, if you want to date or hook up again then we can catch up all you want............."

 

No reply. The conversation ends. Nothing. Mistake on my part? If a girl who cared and liked me read this would she say "I know I want you back, or "How dare you talk to me that way?" ANY EMOTION AT ALL? So there you go. What do you think? Did I jump the gun? Did I do right by stopping right there and getting my answer once again? Please give your opinions....

[BeStrongBeHappy]

She wants to be friends... she doesn't want a relationship.

 

So you two are at opposite poles of the spectrum in terms of what you want.

 

the best way to handle this is to just leave it, and don't respond. she could easily text, can we try again?, if that is what she wants, but she doesn't, so i'd just let her go.

 

some exes for some reason want to insist on being friends, or want you to be there whenever they get lonely or need a little bit of stimulation... but you don't have to play...

[Zorba]

No I think you put it well. In the end it's her choice to contact you but it should be your decision to take her back. If she's contacting you regularly then she either wants you as a "friend" and emotional comfort in her life, which obviously is a big no no. Or she wants validation from you saying you still love her. Or her life isn't going too well with other guys and she still hankers after you, but more likely incorporating the previous two scenarios. If you did want her back, stating your case and sticking to it is the most likely way to get her back. Though if she's a psycho then it's hardly worth it.

 

In fact I would be surprised if she doesn't contact you again, simply because you have wrested control from her. Control she had before and now has lost. That gets a lot of people interested. This is the case with women who have left guys because they lost the spark for them. They usually lose the spark because you have given them unequal control in the relationship. Dunno about men though.

[jettison]

Romantic ultimatums never work. NEVER. That's what you've given her. It's a guarantee that she won't come back except in complete and utter desperation. Is that really who you want to be with?

 

You know who gets the girl back? The guy that no longer resents. The guy that kept living his life. The guy that started dating other people. The guy that says "Great to hear from you. Busy now, but keep in touch. Maybe some day."

 

That's the guy that may get the girl back. If she feels pressure, you're not getting any, period.

[v-neck]

Sounds like lonesome issues on her end... You obviously care about her still and we've all been there and been on the other side of it as well. As of now i'd say drop her, don't reply, ect. Maybe in a few months or a year or two when she actually understands how it all works, you may cross paths again. either way something good will come of it, later...

 

`v-neck

 

 

Ps: your headline topic made my laugh

[ycmanvs]

You did nothing wrong. You wrote what you felt. She did not respond. END OF STORY. Let her go. Move on. No need to ever respond to her texts again.

No need to stay friends, if you do not want a platonic friendship with her.

[tray25]

How is this a romantic ultimatum? All I tried to tell her was that in order for her to "catch up" with me, she needs to be intimate with me. Meaning, any type of dating or "hooking up" which involves no platonic activity. Because of her HISTORY of creeping back in my life as just friends, I tried to put the brakes on early and tell her she needs to be a part of my life and not just a friends. I can't be friends with a girl I have had sex with. Period. I cannot watch her sleep with other men. I don't understand what you mean by romantic ultimatum. I just said if you want this, you have to be doing this. This doesn't mean she HAS to have sex with me. But she does have to want to be with me.

[ycmanvs]

How is this a romantic ultimatum? All I tried to tell her was that in order for her to "catch up" with me, she needs to be intimate with me. Meaning, any type of dating or "hooking up" which involves no platonic activity. Because of her HISTORY of creeping back in my life as just friends, I tried to put the brakes on early and tell her she needs to be a part of my life and not just a friends. I can't be friends with a girl I have had sex with. Period. I cannot watch her sleep with other men. I don't understand what you mean by romantic ultimatum. I just said if you want this, you have to be doing this. This doesn't mean she HAS to have sex with me. But she does have to want to be with me.

 

Thant makes perfect sense. I told my ex when we broke up that I refuse to be platonic friends because I would not want to know that they are with someone else. It would be too painful for me.

I think you did the right thing in this case.

[v-neck]

Thant makes perfect sense. I told my ex when we broke up that I refuse to be platonic friends because I would not want to know that they are with someone else. It would be too painful for me.

I think you did the right thing in this case.

 

Exactly what I did, I said relationship or nothing, she chose nothing. I can't handle being friends with an ex that you spent years with and had intimate times together, and the people who can do it are insane... granted that there are no kids or attachments to it all.

[sedated]

Hey tray i've been in a very similar situation last year myself. I can relate to the frustration you feel and i think that the last statement you left her with is a product of that more than anything else.

 

What happened for me was she ended up asking me out to a movie. I was looking for an amount of closure or hopefully some chance of her wanting to get back together. I went only to find out she asked because she felt that "it was a pity we din't talk anymore". (I went on very limited contact after she told me it was over) So, like an idiot I started to ask her if she wanted to try again when it should have been her coming out to ask me.

 

My situation was very complicated and to this day I don't know what exactly happened. But if it gives you any comfort man, some girls are just around to F!@# your life up I guess. I've read your previous posts man, and this girl should be fighting for you guys after what you've done for her. So what I'd do is just withdraw and not do anything unless she makes a clear signal that she's interested in working something out. I know it's easier said than done, what I did in my case was to not hold anything over her head and with time I got her out of my mind.

[tray25]

Hey sedated,

 

Yeah, its been two weeks and just like I thought, she hasn't contacted. There are some people who walk through your life to take you backwards and bring nothing but pain. She is one of them. I hate her so damn much. She has no class, she is the most selfish person I have ever met. I cannot stand her. All that I did for her, for nothing. Screw her. She can go to hell. I know I shouldn't think like this but I can't help it. What is the point of contacting me every three months? To be friends? How am I suppose to be friends with someone I had intercourse with? Does she want to go shopping together? She wants to talk about what guy she has a crush on? Why can't these girls understand a friendship is impossible? I don't get it. I would like to find out more about your situation. PM me if you want..