Where do I stand?

[rjm0827]

So me and my girlfriend broke up Thursday night. I saw it coming and know why. I took her for granted, didn't complement her like I use too, didn't speak to her with the respect she deserved, let the relationship just generally get crappy. I did the "DO NOT DO THIS" stuff. I told her I would change, asked for second chance, etc. I generally have a hard time sharing my emotions like I should. I did totally open up to her and I really think it affected her. She seemed to take it all to heart. I owned up to all my wrongs etc. She called me back that night and asked me to come pick her up from her place once she got home and she came over and spent the night. I literally stayed up all night holding her as she slept. Today it was the total opposite. I called her, which she says she wants me to do, and she more or less got aggitated that I contacted her. She did tell me she needed time and I know she does, but after her contacting me and wanting to come over last night I am TOTALLY confused. I think deep down she knows I would change for her but she is scared to give me that chance. We have been together about 5 and 1/2 years and we broke up once about 3 years back. I was pathetic. After I was finally able to get over it and not contact her for like 2 months she called and we got back together. I am going to go NC for awhile this time, this is something that will be insanely hard for me though. I would honestly give my life for this girl. Has anyone been in this position? I feel like when she is with me everything between us is ok. Then just the next day it's different. She says she isn't interested in seeing other people. She just wants to be single for awhile to see how she feels about us. HELP!

 

Edit: I don't want to see anyone else. Especially since she isn't going that route. And like I said, the longest we have been NC in the past 3 years may have been 8 hours lol? She is going home for Christmas break Monday for 2 weeks. I was thinking if I went total NC for that period it would be a huge shock to her. At the moment she knows she has control and could get whatever she wants from me.

[lilypadgirl]

I think you should give her some time and space. But that doesn't necessarily mean complete NC. You should send her a holiday greeting, but keep it light and brief.

 

I don't think relationships are about who's in control, especially if you say you didn't treat her the way she deserved. She's probably not sure if you've really changed or history will repeat. You need to show her the caring and loving you while giving her time and space to trust you again.

[rjm0827]

The reason I think you are right in this aspect is that I have allways been the one to contact her. For the length of our relationship I was the one that made the calls. Not that she didn't ever, but she knew I would call. We knew each other that well. I am afraid that if I go complete NC, which obviously is the best case for most, that she will think I totally don't care about the situation anymore. Thanks for your response. Never knew how much forums like these could help.

[rokston]

I am in a very similar situation. Broke up for the same reasons, I was taking the relationship for granted and not noticing her enough, which made her confused about how she felt about me.

 

Been broken up almost 8 months now. She still says she loves and misses me. She is still working things out. At the beginning she said it had nothing to do with other people, she just needed space and to be a single for a while. Turns out other people did get involved in the end.

 

Not sure if there is much you can do to be honest. Just try to give her time and space. Be cordial if she contacts you. And at the same time make sure you are getting on with your life and making the changes required to make you a better you!

 

Good luck and best wishes!!

[auburnslp]

Good advice-I will agree. I would give her the space she needs but send an occasional text or email...send a Christmas card. Just contact once every few weeks-keep it light, tell her you are thinking of her and hoping she is doing well-that kind of stuff-try to not let your emotions show, none of the "I miss you so badly" stuff...

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, I agree with the others. Since you had taken the relationship for granted, she is not sure if things will get better only for a while and then you will slip back to "take her for granted" mode. Give her space and drop her a line every now and again....especially to wish her a Merry Christmas.

[rjm0827]

I have read a lot of stuff on here and other sites these past few days and it has helped tons. I am going to follow my gut instinct, it hasn't lead me in the wrong direction ever. I am going to go LC for a while. I know she still loves me but like my original post says, I ****ed up. After I have given her some time to herself I want to make a large, rather untypical(of me), romantic gesture to prove to her what she means to me. I don't mean cook dinner, that was a typical night for us. Any ideas? There really aren't any limitations. Stuff like jewelery is nice, but anyone can do slap down some plastic card and get that. I need something big and creative. Thanks guys.

[auburnslp]

Think John Cusack in "Say Anything", when he shows up in the rain and holds a boom box over his head outside her window playing "In your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel...you could write her a poem, a song, something like that...