cheating

[luckylew_12]

My girlfriend of 4 years told me she just needs time to think. Our relationship has been rough lately. She says she is 22 years old and in college. she has been in college for going on a year and a half. I know she is having fun with her friends and going to parties but thats fine. she always has her cell phone on. Except if she knows i will call when we are arguing. then she will turn it off. Well last night her cell phone was off at 9:40p.m. And her friends always get her to go out and party. She will do anything for her friends. and i know that one of her friends is trying to hook up with this guy and my girl and her and always together. She tells me she just needs time for herself and to hang out with friends. Which we used to have sex all the time and now it is like every once in a while. I know i cant compare her sex drive with mine but her sex drive and our relationship is rough, her interest level is not in me right now. Someone wrote this somewhere he is it: First thing you need to do is to check if there's anything in the relationship that would cause this. Example, becoming less intimate to the point you feel she's pulling from you (this is an early sign of a girl who will either cheat or break up with you). After you've determined if this is not a "sympton of a bad relationship" (btw, be prepared if she cheats...she'll use that previous phrase as her excuse). If not, you just gotta give her the goods, straight up, you cheat one more time...you're gone....plain and simple. Don't accept her excuse, you have to make her know this is NOT ACCEPTABLE...otherwise she'll just keep on doing it.. Well i dont know if she is cheating on me i love her and trust her and will give her the benefit of the doubt but she isnt doing nothing to prove me otherwise. Help me out Especially the woman

[russia]

women don't have the same sex drive mechanism as men. relationship comes first. so since you have a rocky time now, don't expect sex

 

as for the phone thing, don't call her up at those times cos it means you are just spying on her. really trust her because there's nothing else you can do anyway. if you want to chat on the phone with her, make a phone date or call when you know she's alone in her room and in the right frame of mind to chat. not when she's in the middle of a party. her friends probably advised her to turn off her phone cos you're such a pain.

[mahlina]

In my opnion, I think that she wants to be young and live out her college years. In other words, she's not looking to be tied down. It could be that she thinks that you are the right one, but just isn't ready yet, or it could be the opposite.

 

College years are frustrating. I think they're constantly finding their own niche, what they want out of their life, so it's hard to distinguish when they are truly ready to settle and love just one person for life.

 

The best thing that you could do right now is to communicate exactly what you tell us at enotalone! It seems like you truly care about her. If you are willing to go all out, then spill out everything that you need to say, and she could either take it or leave it.

 

In any case, things will only work out for the best, don't lose hope! 8)

[SheHazCatEyez]

My thoughts on the situation from me being a female and knowing the type of rejections we use towards men.Sounds to me as if shes trying to cut ties slowly without saying it bluntly.I know from being a female as what we sometimes do to try and pull away from a relationship we no longer are satisfied with and that is lessen conversations,sex, hanging out with the girls more than usual,not as affectionate,limiting time spent 2gether,and definitely cutting the cell off if we know you'll be calling. We try to avoid being straight forward for the fear of hurting the other person so we tend to use those type of things to try and give them a hint hoping maybe he'll end it first or atleast notice the lack of advances were showing and hoping maybe he'll see that there is some sort of problem in our relationship.Then again,women can't stand to be checked up on that makes us feel distrusted and we will tend to rebell against the relationship for that main purpose.But,she may be in a point in her life where shes trying to realize what she wants in life and she thinks that you may be interfering with that and needs time to figure it out without you bothering her to maybe see if what she wants is you or if shes better off with you.Maybe you should give her some time to spend with her friends for awhile and you do your own thang and see if she comes around cause if you act like its not a big thing she'll start noticing she better get right before she looses what she has and maybe realizes your slipping away slowly.The only way the other person is gonna see how there actions are affecting you is by doing the same thing to them and they'll begin to see how it feels to be treated equally.As i said the best thing is to lie low for a bit and see if she comes around and if it's a phase shes going through or if it's the beginning of the end.Don't call her,see if she calls you.You can't be the only one putting forth effort and if shes not willing to put fourth the effort then you got your answer. I hope this helps you in some way,and i know it'll be hard to do for a few days but try it you may get your answer soon enough.Another thing if your questioning that she may be cheating, then you need to narrow down the reasons why she is giving you that impression and see if they outweigh the reasons why she couldnt be.But,usually the heart already knows the answer to that by the feeling you get when you question it..The heart knows so ask yours could it be that she is or am i just over reacting?Atleast try and talk to her regarding the way her actions are making you feel and see what she has to say about it,but if she dosen't respond in the way you want her to proceed with the doing unto her and she is doing to you then sooner or later you will have your answer.

You can close your eyes to the things you don't wont to see,But you can't close your heart to the things you don't won't to feel......!.

[Michelle03]

I had a great boyfriend who loved me very much, and I still ove him very much, hence my article"I love hiim so much, and he is making me so confused, Help!". I was with him for about 10 months before problems started. I had started hanging out with some new girls I had met. They were lots of fun, always wanting to get drunk and party. The more I was with them, the more he wanted me to stay with him all the time. So the more he tried to control me, the more I rebelled against it. A girls friends can also be very influential. The girls I was hanging around with always used to tell me to dump him and to cheat and stuff. They constantly pressured me to get rid of him. I am an insecure person and I listened. I broke up with him and then I was with other ppl. Worst Mistake of my life. All im saying is make sure u make her fell good about herself, and dont try to control her, let her have space.Just make sure she knows how much u care about her, and if u think her friends are going to influence her, talk to her about it, nicely. Dont tell her u dont want her hanging around them or anything, just tell her what u think. Make sure, no matter what that u make her feel special and things should be okay. I dont know if this is the advice u were lookin for, but maybe it will help.

[luckylew_12]

Well first i know she can be influenced by her friends easily. she always tells me its not my friends i make my own decisions. well i dont really believe that. But ive been up there and stayed with her in college and it is fine. she tells me there is nothing to do but she always finds somethign to do when im not thre. I know one of her friends doesnt like me but i dont know if she says anything to my girl about it. Like one weekend i went up there and she was like there is nothing to do. Then she was like lets go to the movies so i was like ok fine. Then she was like let me ask my friend if she wants to go and i was thinking like why does she want her to go but i didnt say nothign out loud. So then she called her and her friend said she would go then me and my girl went to get some ice cream and went by her house and my girl called her and was like you ready then her friend was like no im not going. Well my girl was sitting there like Why doesnt she want to go? What else does she have to do? just thinking all these things and then right then she was like i know why she doesnt want to go cause your always mean to her. And my girl was pissed at me for a while that night cause her friend didnt want to go to the movies with US. I was like thats ***ed up. ANd about the parties and the fraternity house all i say to her is like i dont care if you drink go have fun but why do you have to get drunk. I know this because one of my friends had to take her home cause she was drunk. she told me she wasnt drunk she only had a few beers. I just try to keep her away from the situations that might harm the relationship. She tells me that no colege guys are gonna try anything with her. She is a 5'9 tall sexy legs beautiful woman. Then she was like i wouldnt let it and my friends wouldnt let it happen. then i was like well your friends are always the first to get drunk literally drunk. MIchelle i will take that advice on making her feel special. thanks Ok shehazcateyezs your pretty damn close about what you have said in the beginning of your paragraph. About trying to make a time to talk to her on the phone wont happen becuase she will be like im busy, then i will be like well just call me when you get home then and she will be like well if its not too late, and she knows i will be awake. When she tells me that i know that she isnt coming home or isnt comign home till late. I am sure that her new best friend she always hangs around with now that is over a year younger than me i am 19 fixing to be 20 in a month and a half advises her to turn her cell off so i dont call. Well i know my girl and she is a people, social person so she is always talking on her cell phone. but she does turn it off. And here recently she has her cell phone off the last couple days around 9-10:30. OH yeah i called her yesterday and she didnt answer so i left a voice mail saying hey whats up i just wanted to see whats been up. well she called back like 4 minutes later and was like hey what are you doing i was like nothing. then i was asking her about school and work just talking to her casually. then she asked me out of the blue do you have any big plans this weekend i was like no. Which i should of been like yeah there are a few parties or soemthing. But then she might think well i was testing him to see if he would stick around and he is not. then she was like i have a test on friday and i have a study group tonight and i tomorrow night. Well all of a sudden she is goign to these study groups all the time. Then i was just like well im fixing to get off here then i was like well just give me a call sometime to see whats up and she was like alright and then i was alright bye and she said bye. Any thing i could do different let me know.

[luckylew_12]

Oh yeah i know it aggravates a girl if a guy plays it cool. I mean that if she wants me and i just play it off like a friend that would make her want me more. But does this apply to the situation i am in right now. let me know what you think on if you like a guy and he just plays cool.

[SheHazCatEyez]

Reading what you just wrote to me seems like you already have an answer somewhat if you can try to gather it more clearly.She's hinting and blowing u off saying shes to busy for u most of the time,and then when yall finally do find a time to get together she wants to bring a friend?? when u really care 4 someone you want to enjoy there company and find some kind of time compromise to atleast be able to just grab some lunch,movie,or slip them a letter,phonecall or something to let the other person know your atleast thinking of them when u cant be 2gether.I can pretty much grasp the concept myself and i dont even know her..Shes young,confused,not ready to settle down and obviously is to busy to have any type of relationship.But looks like right now shes more focused on other things besides trying to get together with you.I'm sorry for being blunt,but just the way i am,dont string it along or sugar coat anything.Best thing to do is to lie low let her make the first move.If she dosent put effort in it then u need to move on and find someone who wants what u do.Best thing to do is let her make the call,let go and see what happens.But i think u already know the outcome.yall r both young and 2 much out there to ponder away about such immature mess.I know u love her and im sure she feels some sort of feelings for u,but maybe shes just not ready.you NEED to talk to her about how u feel and see what she has to say b4 doing anything,but if she still acts like the busy bee,ect lie low,do ur own thang babe.