The saga continues...

[CreoUCLA]

So my ex (who broke up with me) sent me another e-mail today;

 

"Hi.

I know you said you never wanted me to contact you or

see me again, but I still want to see you one last

time, if that is possible. If you come back next

week, I will be off Wednesday 12/19 night, early

Thursday 12/20 and off Friday morning 12/21. I'll

appreciate any time you can give me. E-mail me, call

me, text me...whatever you feel best.

sincerely, xxx"

 

After that e-mail was sent, she called me and I picked up the phone. We talked a little bit, and I know I brought up the old relationship a little too much (I'm learning here!). But, I did make her laugh several times.

 

She told me that she's "dating a guy but there's no commitment," but that she wants to see where it goes. I told her I was happy for her (because I really am). Apparently he still talks to his ex too, so this should be interesting.

 

She told me things like, "I feel like I threw away a good thing," "How did we get here?!," etc. Pretty much words without action. She said how she wanted to make sure I was okay (according to her that's why she wants to keep in touch/see me)... I said, "I'm okay. I'll be just fine. Don't worry, we're not bf/gf so I'm not your problem anymore." Then she teared up and said, "Oh, you were never a problem..."

 

She cried a bit more... I said, "Don't cry. You should feel happy. You're going to be a doctor soon, you have loving friends/family, and you're in a budding relationship!" She said, "What budding relationship?" This girl really is all over the place. The big thing for her right now seems to be that she doesn't want me to hate her.

 

I'm really of the mindset where I've let go, and whatever happens will happen. I am perfectly happy to go out and date/hang out with other women (I already have been). I know I don't want her back (right now), because I don't think she's really changed. On the other hand, I know that I've spent a lot of time reflecting and working on myself... So I'm happy with who I am.

 

I plan on meeting up with her on Thursday afternoon for 30-45 mins., and I already planned a get-together with friends that night so I can't stay for long. She wanted me to come Wednesday (the first free day she has), but I told her that didn't work for me. I'll keep the conversation light/fun, and I have told myself that I will not hug/or hold hands/etc. with her. I'm looking at this as we're just (new) friends getting to know each other.

 

So, we'll see what happens. I have no expectations at all. She can chase me if she wants, but I won't chase her. I leave for Hawaii a couple days later, and will probably go back to NC/LC through the holidays.

 

-Mike-

[DN]

Guard your heart here - it's easy to say you can be detached but sometimes that's easier said than done. Personally, I would have nothing to do with her while she is in a relationship with another guy even if that relationship may be in trouble. Make sure she isn't playing trapeze artist with you here.

[CreoUCLA]

Guard your heart here - it's easy to say you can be detached but sometimes that's easier said than done. Personally, I would have nothing to do with her while she is in a relationship with another guy even if that relationship may be in trouble. Make sure she isn't playing trapeze artist with you here.

 

I will definitely guard my heart. But I really feel okay right now. If I feel any change between now and the meet, I won't hesitate to call it off. I will definitely go back into NC/LC after.

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

Goodluck with all of that. I haven't gotten a call yet haha, and i don't think i will. Not because i have been a jerk, just because even if my exes relationship was not so good, she can always make it look good from the outside.

 

Just keep your guard up you don't want to be her backup. I think its a good idea not to chase her at all. Let her figure out what she wants. That's the only way she is going to know that she really wants to be with you.

[circi]

What is your goal in meeting her? What do you hope to accomplish if you don't want her back?

[emalkoc]

I am telling everyone and My bruin friend

 

Ultimatum WORKS! We need to create a thread for this.

 

Good luck..I think you should be very firm what you want with her...to get the message accross, you want nothing less than a relationship with her...Period!

 

This is your time. Choose and use wisely.

 

Eric

[ladyblue07]

I agree with the others, be careful here. It sounds like she's starting to realize that this new guy that she thought was Mr. Perfect ain't so perfect after all (now that the infatuation is wearing off).

You don't want to be her backup, especially when she made that horrible comment before about how she felt like she had the "upper hand" and knew you'd take her back in a heartbeat. So, hey, maybe you can tell her how awesome it feels for you to have the upperhand now.

[CreoUCLA]

What is your goal in meeting her? What do you hope to accomplish if you don't want her back?

 

Because eventually I do. But only if she's changed and wants to work on "us." I neglected her/took her for granted in our previous relationship (and that's what she sees as one of the biggest issues). I figure for anything between us to happen again, we'd have to break the ice sooner or later?

 

You don't want to be her backup, especially when she made that horrible comment before about how she felt like she had the "upper hand" and knew you'd take her back in a heartbeat. So, hey, maybe you can tell her how awesome it feels for you to have the upperhand now.

 

Trust me, I have not forgotten. She'll have to do a lot to get back into a relationship with me. I'm not putting my life on hold for her, and she knows that now.

 

-Mike-

[circi]

It sounds like you are handling this perfectly. Update after you meet with her okay?

[CreoUCLA]

Good luck..I think you should be very firm what you want with her...to get the message accross, you want nothing less than a relationship with her...Period!

 

I'm not sure if I want to cross that bridge yet, because I really don't want a relationship with her right now. She has a lot of work to do. I'm in no rush, and I'd like to explore singledom and other opportunities. It's all about me right now.

 

Plus, I won't be moving back to the same city as her for another couple months, and the LDR for the past year was another issue...

 

It sounds like you are handling this perfectly. Update after you meet with her okay?

 

Will do! Most of my friends are saying not to meet her, but I really think I can handle it. No expectations... Then I disappear again through the holidays.

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

Just keep your guard up you don't want to be her backup. I think its a good idea not to chase her at all. Let her figure out what she wants. That's the only way she is going to know that she really wants to be with you.

 

I definitely won't. I know I'm too great of a guy to be anyone's back-up. I am the treasure that she lost... It's not the other way around.

 

-Mike-

[gnarlyhoc]

Sounds like my plan too. Let them sit through the Holidays and see what happens. I think the Holidays are a tough time anyway, and can swing just about anything around. The memories you share around the Holidays don't just disappear. And i have a birthday right after that. So it should be really interesting.

 

Goodluck.

[CreoUCLA]

Sounds like my plan too. Let them sit through the Holidays and see what happens. I think the Holidays are a tough time anyway, and can swing just about anything around. The memories you share around the Holidays don't just disappear. And i have a birthday right after that. So it should be really interesting.

 

Goodluck.

 

Yeah, I agree. Like I said before, what would have been our 6th year anniversary is January 10th. After our meeting next week, I won't contact her until well after that date (and only if she contacts me first). I'll be on vacation, and surrounded by loving friends/family. She can wonder what I'm up to.

 

On the phone, I gathered that my ex is not really understanding why I'm not mad at/blaming her (even though she is)... She's highly neurotic. I think she's finally coming back to earth and knows that she isn't that special anymore. Loving myself more is awesome.

 

Good luck to you too!

 

-Mike-

[thinkstoohard]

Loving myself more is awesome

 

I kinda hope to come accross this way too (I am calling the ex tonight for the first time in 4 months). People in general find it very attractive!

[CreoUCLA]

I kinda hope to come accross this way too (I am calling the ex tonight for the first time in 4 months). People in general find it very attractive!

 

Good luck with the phone call! Just be happy, upbeat, and most of all, yourself. If your ex doesn't appreciate you for who you are, there is someone else out there that definitely will.

 

-Mike-

[ladyblue07]

I'm relieved that you see this situation clearly and aren't letting her play with your feelings. Good luck, man!

[CreoUCLA]

I'm relieved that you see this situation clearly and aren't letting her play with your feelings. Good luck, man!

 

Yep! She needs to fall flat on her face without me there to help her (since I always have over the past >5.5 years)... Only then will she really learn/grow. And, it looks like she might be starting to take that tumble...

 

I still care about her immensely, but I have to look out for numero uno (moi) right now.

 

-Mike-

[CatsMeeoow]

I think you are truly in a very good place emotionally and that is a wonderful thing.

 

I also think that her calling you and talking with you even though not about your relationship or getting back together is doing a thing or two for your ego! And that helps perpetuate your feeling good and being at that place you need to be for yourself.

 

I'm not trying to burst your bubble but when someone says "I know you never wanted me to call again but here I am"... in an unexpected phone call you start to feel you have the upper hand. That feels good so it reinforces how much you feel about you and wow... now that you have this time apart you've been able to see what her real flaws are all about... further perpetuating that feel good feeling.

 

I think you have handled yourself marvelously! I think you really are centered on yourself these days... but it has to feel a little bit good that she's trying to scratch the surface with you?

 

Just an observation... nothing more!

[CreoUCLA]

but it has to feel a little bit good that she's trying to scratch the surface with you?

 

You are absolutely right. I PMed Zorba saying I feel so "empowered!" Regardless of what happens, I know that everything will be on my terms.

 

I honestly will have the biggest smile on my face when I meet her next week... She won't recognize me as the needy guy she broke up with several months ago. I am the better me.

 

-Mike-

[CreoUCLA]

I started having reservations the other night about meeting my ex. I'm at a point where I'm moving on, and I know she is still confused. So, I don't really understand the point of her wanting to see me.

 

Last night I sent her the following text;

 

"Honestly, what's the point of us meeting next week?"

 

This afternoon she replied with;

 

"We can talk face to face, if anything let me give you your things back & you never have to see me again"

 

Basically she didn't answer my question, and kept things ambiguous on purpose. I also understand now why she told me over 3 weeks ago, "I'll send your stuff back to your parent's house" yet I did not receive anything. It was just an excuse for her to get me to see her.

 

Now, I really have no problem meeting my ex (I feel just fine emotionally). I even went to see a movie with a really cool girl on Saturday. It was my first time going to a movie since my ex and I split up. It was great, and I had fun hanging out with her!

 

I have until Wednesday night to decide, and I bet it'll be a last minute decision for me. Either way, though, I'm in control.

 

-Mike-

[emalkoc]

One last time, she wants to see whether you are genuine in your feelings or not.

 

May be also, when my ex left last weekend, she wanted to make that weekend sentimental forever. The girls are like that...

 

She may feel that it is over but a last time, she may want to see you...

 

So be prepared buddy...

 

If you make her emotional though, she may want to come back..

 

Cheers emalkoc

[CreoUCLA]

Thanks for the reply. I am prepared either way... I wish she could just tell me the reason instead of being so cryptic... But at the same time she may not really know.

 

Guess we'll see...

 

-Mike-

[emalkoc]

My guess: she does not know...The woman are all about feelings.

 

This is the time you talk about feelings more than logical things.

 

Cheers

[CreoUCLA]

Well, it should be interesting regardless...

 

-Mike-

[emalkoc]

Something makes me excited about this stage too..

 

Almost feeling like finding a new LOVE