I think I'll NEVER get her off my mind...:(

[kalel]

I've been broken up from my ex for almost a year now. I've dated many women, and...been with many women. I've had some good old fashioned innocent fun, and straight-up debauchery. I've met some fine women. Some better looking than my ex. But...I STILL THINK ABOUT THIS WOMAN! No matter if I'm with the hottest woman, no matter how steamy the sex, my mind drifts off to her. I'm...worried. Why do I keep thinking about her?

I'm just at a loss. I HATE the un-explained. I want a reason why I can't get a woman off my mind who now is on love with another man. I want to know why, as decent looking as I am, no matter what woman I get with, my ex is on my mind. People...is something wrong with me?

[Princess777]

Greetings,

I realize that you are thinking of your ex "too much" for your own liking. I think you should ask yourself if you think about her just because she is in love with another man, or because you are in love with HER... I don't know your situation, why you two broke up, what your/her marital status is, etc. This would all play a large part in this... more info??

[kalel]

You think it could be an ego thing?

[Ry2003]

Kalel, I have a similar situation to you.

 

Do you still speak to your ex?

[bryan]

I truly believe the reason we hang onto our ex's like you explained is only because we may have shared some emotional times together. I know whenever I go to Lake Tahoe or Reno I always think of my ex because I remember how much fun her and I had together. Even if I go there with a fine female and my male buddies and I am laughing and having a great I still think about my ex. It just always feels like there is something missing. Until you can share this emotional experience with another person the ex will still remain in the back our heads. It doesnt have to be a vacation spot like my situation, it can be a restaurant, a holiday (sometimes the worst), a dream, a picture, sex, or even a gift from the ex that you still hold onto. Maybe you have sex with hot girls, but maybe you liked that your ex knew how to please you and always knew what you liked. We know everything about our ex's and vice versa so pleasing each other and remaining comfortable at the same time plays a big role. We could be ourselves around our ex's and they wouldnt judge us for that. The thing I always remember about my ex is how much her and I had in common. She loved working on cars, she loved racing, drinking, gambling, traveling, eating different foods, and most of all, she knew how to make me smile. We think we will never find another person like our ex. But if you have had more than one ex, just think about how everytime you found a new girl she was better than the previous ex!! It has been 5 months for me now and I still dont have a new girlfriend. I have been with different girls since then but nothing serious. Just "fillers" I call them. I know I am ready for another girlfriend but finding one suitable for me is the task. Looks arent so important to me but personality and compatibility is. I am so tired of having relationships last only 6 months or a year. I want something a little more permanent! Honestly I would rather have a girl who's looks weren't spectacular but I could be happy with emotionally than a girl who won a beauty pageant but would drive me nuts in the head! I call those girls the fillers! They are fun to be with but they are only there to fill the space until the right girl comes along.

 

I think you just need to keep looking for the right person. It sounds like you are a lot like me and are getting tired of the filler girls. Once the right girl comes along, you will be able to forget about your ex. I try to look at all of my ex's and remember what each of their strong points and weaknesses were. This is why it is so hard to find the right girl. It seems I can never find a girl who has it all. But I wont settle for any less because I dont want to get heartbroken again. I never thought 5 months ago I would ever try find another girl, but in reality it is kind of exciting! The thrill of possibly meeting my next lover at the mall,a party, a bar, or anywhere is truly a thrill! Enjoy being single and able to play the field with no strings attached. This is the only way you will ever be able to find what you truly want in a relationship. I have been single most of my life but have had many awesome flings. I have really only had 2 or 3 strong relationships and they each ended because the girl wanted something else. Not my fault, they simply cant commit to one guy for more than a short period of time. I wish I had known that before I committed myself to them and got my heart broken. And it's funny how my ex's always try come back to me and all I can do is show them my face. I wont be walked over like that. If she isnt willing to give the same effort that I give someone else will. All I really want is a girl I can please and make happy for a long time.

 

But I guess when one door closes another opens.....

 

Sorry this was so long, but it felt good to share my opinions on this matter

 

Bryan

[Always Hopeful]

Kalel:

 

I understand how you feel as I have been in a similar situation. There's nothing abnormal about it. I think that the level of emotional connection post-breakup has a lot to do with the level of emotional connection before the breakup. Funny thing is that sometimes you don't even realize what you've lost until you've lost it.

 

My guess is that you and your ex had a pretty good relationship, strong in many ways, may be purely fun, may be you were most comfortable in yourself when you were with her. Whatever it was, it's the loss of that which you are remembering. You try to find it in the others you've dated, slept with, etc., but I think the whole package cannot be "re-achieved" in the various other people you've met (may be bits and pieces of the package, but not the whole package, which is why you are still searching and still remembering). It's kind of like cooking a meal by intuition, you got it right once, may be even perfect, but you can't seem to re-create that recipe later on no matter how many different things you try. The taste isn't quite the same. The fact of the matter is that you will probably never re-create that recipe because it was perfect for that time...may be the air temperature was just so, the cooking time perfect to within a millisecond, that batch of salt and pepper you used was just different than the other batches that you picked up later that year...you just can't recreate those circumstances. But the memory of the final result remains.

 

It's a cliche to say "move on," so rather I would suggest that there is nothing wrong remembering that which was good in your life, the memory of her. But as you go through life and meet other women, women who challenge you, women who please you, women who just make you feel good, there is all something good and unique to these relationships and run-ins. Slowly but surely, you will meet that woman who not necessarily is the exact same as your ex, but offers you something different but just as pleasing. There are nearly 5-6 billion people on this Earth and about half of those are female. Even if only 1% of that 2.5 to 3 billion females out there are within your relationship tastes that's still around 3,000,000 women. So there are some very special women out there that will make you not necessarily forget your ex, but help you to put her in perspective with the world around you.

 

It hurts sometimes. For me it hurt a lot, painfully so. I still remember my ex as well. But the memory is turning into a curiosity about myself, why it was we were attracted to each other, why we broke apart and how those lesson can be applied to my life right now in the relationship that I am now in. It's all a part of life, but life will continue as will yours. Good luck.

[bryan]

wow, after reading though theses posts...my mind sure has opened up. Ive been dealing with a loss as well the past 3 months...and it hurts but ive been getting much better sleep lately so I think im starting to heal now...just lonley..wouldnt mind a "filler" as you put it...but meh, thats just not me.

 

Sometimes the filler girls help you move on though! Sometimes it's nice to have someone where you know there are no expectations involoved but you can still have a good time! And since you say you are lonely, it would probably help you immensly in moving on. Just knowing that there are people in your life will help greatly. Not saying you need to get out there and find a new girl right now, but meeting new people will be the biggest step in letting go of your ex. I would go to work and come home and sleep for 3 months and not even go out on the weekends after I lost my ex. But I realized she left me and I need to get over it. She has moved on and so should I. Get out there and socialize! It really boosts your confidence!

[kalel]

Thanks for your help, guys. And, I do see my ex on occasion. But not a lot. I'd rather not see her and have old feelings stir up. It took me months just to talk to other women again, after we split, and I guess...I just want to really get over her. But, I guess it takes time. But it's soooo frustrating. It almost at times seems unfair.