Is it wrong to stay friends with a girl after you asked her out?

[RedPenguin]

This girl that I just recently asked out, just told me how she was just going out with someone for only two times and that we should only be friends.

 

Now I don't know if she just means for now or forever.

 

Should I still continue to talk to her on Facebook or should I just try to keep the communication to a minimum?

 

I like to talk to her but if it will have bad results for me later on, maybe I shouldn't.

 

If I become good with her, could I possibly get in there as a non-friend?

 

I mean, when she's perhaps done dating this person? Or will talking to her as a friend be way too much and eventually ruin my chances with becoming romantic with her.

 

EDIT: Uh-oh I just found out that she probably would not have said yes, even if she was single because she normally dates older guys, like mid to late-20s and I am only 19. Though, I don't think that I am really in to her anyway. I just don't "digg" her style.

[Kamue]

Well, if you're not into her anyway, why would it matter if you got to be romantic or not with her? Now, if you're just saying you're not into her because her being interested in older men bothers you, then I think you should seriously consider still talking to her. If it were me, I would like you to still talk to me, because that would prove you actually appriciate my friendship and like me for more than just a possible girlfriend. It's all up to you though...

[RedPenguin]

No her being in to older men doesn't bother me.

 

I just don't know for a fact, since I'm so young, if I was ever really romantically in to her or not. I think I was but not 100% positive, which is why I asked her out. She said no, but I still feel like being friends and she doesn't mind being a friend also.

 

I think I just needed to ask a girl out, no matter what. That I think was my number one problem. I do believe I was in to this girl, but I just now, don't feel any close relationship to her in that manner.

 

Is it possible, that I just had a crush?

[SuperSport]

I guess you could say that the girl from my class is considered a "friend" now. I was planning on not talking to her after I asked her to lunch during that one weekend. I wasnt going to act sad or pissed in class though, but confident and focused away from her. The next week comes around, my plan was (with the help of diggity) to keep neutral conversations and only talk if she makes convo's first. Which is exactly what she did. Now we talk in class, and every time, she will come to me or she will text me first. I never go up to her and start talking, because that will come off as me being too clingy. I think she sees that I backed off her dating wise the first time, and is glad that I did, and I know its what she wanted so thats why we still talk.

 

So I don't think its "wrong" to stay friends with them, as long as you don't make any advances or pushes to wanting to date them again.

[MushroomGod]

I don't see anything wrong with it either, but I would always be my best self around them. Hell I'd even flirt with other girls in front of them too. But thats me. At times I became friends with the girl but not good friends. It all depends if I have feelings for them then NO I won't become friends. If there were no feelings then I figured its cool.

[RedPenguin]

So I don't think its "wrong" to stay friends with them, as long as you don't make any advances or pushes to wanting to date them again.

 

I don't feel like I have any other wishes for a relationship with her. I think it was just a crush. Does that make sense?

[SuperSport]

Makes sense to me! Sounds like youre ready to move on.

[RedPenguin]

You know as horrible as this may sound, I think I just needed to ask a girl out.

 

I think, I did have an attraction to this girl yes.

 

I think I was just so annoyed at myself for never asking a girl out, that I just needed to ask some girl out, no matter what.

 

I mean, it wasn't like I wasn't attracted to this girl, that if she said yes, I would have stood her up or anything, but I had to prove to myself, that I could do it.

 

Is that cruel?

 

Also, does that prove that it was just a temporary crush or that I was just trying to get to know her?

 

It was like, the minute she turned me down, I was just like, oh who cares, and I literally didn't feel like having a relationship with her and I swear I went cold turkey with her. Somehow she was no longer attractive to me anymore except physically. I feel bad for forcing myself on her almost, but I do believe I was attracted to her even though, I do believe I just had to ask a girl out, any girl.

[Chriz]

Well if she said yes, ultimately it would be her personality and the chemistry between you two that would determine whether you are really attracted to her. It does sound like you had a crush on her, but if you're over that then good. You got a bit of experience asking a girl out and now you're ready to move on to the next one. I don't think there's anything wrong with remaining her friend, unless you still have feelings for her. Then it will just eat you up inside when you see her, but know that you will be nothing more than a friend. On the plus side, you can meet other girls through her if you ever hang out as just friends.

[CaptainPlanet]

I've lost a fair few friend because of things like this. If a girl says she won't go out with you its curtains mate. Even if she says she wants to be friends she'll look at you differently.

 

Being friends with a woman i'd rather make love to is kind of a cop out. I used to do it bbut i realised how much of a rip off it was.

 

In heinsight I do miss the female companioship but I think its a mean to a better end.

 

There are better ways to have a female friend. I think if an attractive woman is truly your friend she should be having sex with you. Because sex is something a man loves, and friends do things for each other that makes them happy.

[CaptainPlanet]

If I become good with her, could I possibly get in there as a non-friend?

 

no

[Batya33]

One of my good male friends asked me out the first day we met, many years ago. I said no, and we've been friends ever since. I am also friendly with several men who asked me out and I declined. When you never went on a date - or only went out once or twice of course you can still be friends once the little ego bruise is gone. I also have been friends with men I asked out who declined.

[ghost69]

this usually only works when you are really young. like 12-15.

 

why do you feel the need to be friends? at your age, you will still have it in your mind there is hope. not necessary. make more male friends and go out and meet girls. you do not need more female friends.

 

let's say this girl becomes your friend. then you meet a girl to date. that friend you already asked out is more than likely gonna be jealous. especially when you start spending more time with the girl you are dating. forget it man. put this outta your head.

[RedPenguin]

this usually only works when you are really young. like 12-15.

 

why do you feel the need to be friends? at your age, you will still have it in your mind there is hope. not necessary. make more male friends and go out and meet girls. you do not need more female friends.

 

let's say this girl becomes your friend. then you meet a girl to date. that friend you already asked out is more than likely gonna be jealous. especially when you start spending more time with the girl you are dating. forget it man. put this outta your head.

 

Yeah you are so right. I just wish my two main friends were not so anti-girls. The one is afriad of girls and even guys completely because he has such social anxiety and feels no girl would want him. The other one just annoys the hell out of girls by talking to them, even when they don't want to talk to him. He asks them questions also that they don't always find approiate.

 

I guess I just gotta meet people who have pro-girl attitudes. LoL. I'm glad I'm not like either of them, where I can talk to girls, and ask them out, and stuff like that.

 

I would hate to still be scared of women. I'm amazed at how well I've grown. I could barely even sit next to a girl that I liked before.

 

My one friend who is social anxetic, literally said it's hard when you never had a girlfriend but he tries not to think about girls. That to me sounds like a problem that will not fix it self.

 

Who knows, maybe I will meet a girl who I really like, in my next semester classes. You never do know. I don't know why I can't seem to find girls that I like, but maybe it's because my town is so little in population and my college is so little, it's only 1,500 people. I know eventually I will meet a cool girl that I truly dig. .

[ghost69]

if you like a girl, talk to her immediately. don't waste time. sucks your friends are so scared. but you are 19. you have plenty of time to meet other male friends who don't have this problem and can be wingmen and vice versa. you are maturing. you are learning how to talk to women. keep up the good work.

[CaptainPlanet]

One of my good male friends asked me out the first day we met, many years ago. I said no, and we've been friends ever since. I am also friendly with several men who asked me out and I declined. When you never went on a date - or only went out once or twice of course you can still be friends once the little ego bruise is gone. I also have been friends with men I asked out who declined.

 

That doesn't work for me. I find it very hard to give up on women.

[Batya33]

That doesn't work for me. I find it very hard to give up on women.

 

Well, I would think it's hard for you because you wrote in your thread that you're not even interested in communicating with women so I don't see how you could develop a friendship without communication.

[CaptainPlanet]

Well, I would think it's hard for you because you wrote in your thread that you're not even interested in communicating with women so I don't see how you could develop a friendship without communication.

 

Its so very painful.

Most of them come from a time when I cared about what pople have to say.

 

I don't make many friends these days.

 

The part of me that likes people is in the repair shop.

 

I just want a woman who is going to sit, be pleasant and entertain me. Nothing demanding, nothing requiring energy just a natural flow and attraction.

 

Picking minds sounds boring.

[Batya33]

I am sorry things have been so difficult for you. If you just want someone to sit there and look pretty and be focused on entertaining you then I repeat my suggestion in your other thread - arranged marriage through a matchmaker and probably from a country where the women are motivated to emigrate and thereforeeee would be motivated to behave in the manner you described.

 

I will add that the way you described it "picking minds" has a negative connotation just in the word choice and that is also what convinces me that you have no interest in getting to know people and what makes them tick.

[CaptainPlanet]

What about my life could possibly have been difficult ? I've had it all so very good.

 

You seem to have taken my preferences to heart.

 

Arranged marriage would be sweet, cept I have no money so I'd end up with someone crummy. I don't think many young white girls do arranged marriages.

[scotty77]

I think it would likely be difficult to remain friends with a woman you asked out ,initially.Since you did develop feelings for her the bruise to your ego would likely take some time to heal.Given time though,I think you could remain friends.