Sleeping around is it a big deal anymore???

[Batya33]

If you don't want to be in those mixed signals situations, either have straight sex with none of this hours of flirting and cuddling or don't settle for other than a man who asks you out on a date he plans in advance - in public.

 

I wrote something similar on your other thread.

[fivespot]

Now I'm confused...I thought you didn't want a relationship. I thought you wanted to enjoy sleeping around

[crosstownTraffic]

Fivespot, I think she is confused....cuz this is nothing but a FWB situation, which is exactly WHY I, myself, refuse to agree to these type of situations,

"he says, "Oh, my God, we have been through this- we both agreed that this wasn't going to work." This is what I think this guy is getting his ego boosted through torturing me. Because a couple weeks later- I over again and he's doing his flirting and talking- and I stay calm bc I have no desire to be hurt/humilated again. Then he's like come on- I want you- and I like what are you talking about, and he says I have been flirting with you all night, etc. we start messing around and I realize this is going to be me doing him- because he reason is I get so emotional. So, we don't need to kiss or have sex- I need to go down on him."

Cuz angeliance.. you are only getting used for sex. It's OKAY for you to go down on this guy, but it's NOT OKAY for you to kiss him?!?!?! What kind of garbage is this guy trying to pull anyway???

I'd kick him to the curb, if it were me, don't you find this rather demeaning on some small level?!?

And the more women agree to these type of situations, the more guys think it's OKAY to pull this kind of crap!

[angeliamce]

I'd kick him to the curb, if it were me, don't you find this rather demeaning on some small level?!?

And the more women agree to these type of situations, the more guys think it's OKAY to pull this kind of crap!

Yes, I feel so stupid. I wanted to think he was just working through issues, but I think this is his pattern.

 

Now I'm confused...I thought you didn't want a relationship. I thought you wanted to enjoy sleeping around

 

I do enjoy sex- but, would prefer just to sleep with one guy. I like familiar sex- you know your with someone you know and like. I believe the whole reason I posted this was because I was just thinking. All these years I thought that it was so wrong to sleep around- like how could someone handle it. But, lately I can see the that its ok. I don't know- I know that I could be with one guy the rest of my life and not cheat. But, at the same time I really don't think that others value not sleeping around as much as I thought. I was under the impression that most guys would want a girl that hadn't slept around but I am starting to see that I am wrong. They really don't care

[fivespot]

Yeah, quite honestly, for the longest time, if I knew a girl slept around, it was a HUGE deal breaker for me. But then one day I realized I'm being completely unrealistic. And as soon as I fell in love with a girl that slept around with MANY partners, I was willing to accept it because I loved her. It's amazing what you'll do, and how your attidutes about things can change when love is involved.

 

This is strictly my opinon, but I think for the most part, people sleep around to fill some kind of emotional void. Either they've been really hurt, they just want to feel single and free again, or they've just given up on love and don't care anymore.

 

Regardless of the causes, I think it's total BS and you're only kidding yourself, because I think most people eventually want ONE person they can rely upon, not only for sex, but other things too, like emotional support, etc.

 

That's what's so wrong about FWBs. One person falls, the other doesn't, then all sorts of ugly things start to happen. One side wants to commit, while the other sleeps around...one gets extremely hurt, the other doesn't seem to care...etc. I think you know where I'm going with this. It can work if you're careful, but I think the ultimate goal of all people is to eventually find that one special person.

[alcide]

People don't really care about that any more becaquser they've learn thats how life goes. Lucky for those of us that didnt have to go the high way to get a husband.

[Considerate Empath]

I personally would prefer a girl that hadn't slept around much (if at all) - but amount that cares is getting less and less. Just face it, we live in a world that's getting lazier and lazier each generation as the technology gets "better and better". That might be another topic though

 

 

//C.E.

[crosstownTraffic]

Yeah, fivespot I think you hit the nail on the head.. I find that FWB is just not the sort of thing for anyone with a heart... If you are a bad boy, or bad girl, then these things seem to NOT present problems cuz your aim isn't to find THE ONE, it's just to have sex.

Now, I have nothing against sex.. but you see for yourself now, angeliance how ppl have a tendency to play others. Now don't beat yourself up about it, some things you just gotta learn the hard way... but I think now you have a taste of how things can go in a casual sex/FWB relationship, you may want to set some boundaries for yourself.

Of course things have gotten looser, WAY TOO LOOSE in my opinion, and I'm afraid that is why STDs are soaring, but still, that doesn't mean you have to adapt other's viewpoints. Especially if playing by THEIR rules, makes you feel bad and stupid about yourself. And it's a good bet, we have all been there, so don't think you are the only one. You lived a sort of sheltered life for awhile, and that was a benefit to you. But now, you get out in the real world, and see, gosh.. it is just me, or is dating a flipping jungle now? It's like cutthroat, and people are ruthless as far as other people's feelings, emotions, and safety is concerned.

I was thinking about that guy who said he didn't want to kiss, but still, thought it was OK for you to give him head.. and I was getting SO mad!! I hate people like this.. but with all this promisciuty comes a lack of concern for others I'm afraid.. I could never treat a guy like this... but then I guess I'm from a different world.

And who really cares how others live their lives angeliance? You gotta do what makes you happy, not just what is considered hip and okay in today's world.

If that means dating a guy exclusively, and getting to know him well enough to know he cares about you before you have sex, then of course, that takes more time to find that kind of man. But I do think it is worth it.

There are so many cads out there nowadays.. players, if you wanna call them. Be careful girl. The water is full of sharks.

[angeliamce]

Regardless of the causes, I think it's total BS and you're only kidding yourself, because I think most people eventually want ONE person they can rely upon, not only for sex, but other things too, like emotional support, etc.

 

I am so glad I posted this- it has made me think. And tonight instead of doing what would made me feel good for the moment. I just made up an excuse and didn't do it. Basically the 24 year old that I have only had oral w/ texted- I met him Tuesday and we made-out nothing more and tonight was the night he wanted to come over. The stuff he said he wanted to do sounded great and wonderful- I immediately told him I didn't think I could tonight, he said to please try- Isaid I would.

 

I played around w/ the idea for a couple of hours and then I finally told him that I couldn't do it- bc no babysitter. I had a babysitter- my kids 12, so he could've went to my sister no problem.

 

At first, I thought why not have some fun. This is a great guy, with no girl friend, really into me, and makes me feel good. What's the harm?? I like this other guy more. So, I didn't do it. I have no regrets.

 

So no more BS- I don't want to sleep around- but, I do want a guy that wants to have sex. Thanks everyone- hopefully when I meet the one that for real- he will not be shocked that I have slept with 4 guys- okay I am going to allow myself 3 more- just in case the real guy doesn't come along for several years.

 

Have a great night!!!

[Cimmie]

Isn't ENA just great?

 

Discussion is always healthy.

 

I am surprised by some of the assumptions on this board - to me, for instance, 25-30 sexual partners in one's early forties is very promiscuous. But maybe that's where I live.

 

I have only had full sex with one man and I'm in my early thirties. I don't feel 'inadequate' about this since it's a choice I made. Sex is easily come by, but meaningful sex is not. I've had plenty of offers, just preferred not to act on them as I don't regard my body as a commodity.

 

OP, I think what you are looking for, and a lot of people who have sex with multiple partners are looking for, is 'all that' - that is, the whole package. I don't think there is anything wrong with having encounters when you are just out of a long term thing, in fact I think it's pretty normal. But I agree with other posters on this thread who suggest that it might be a good idea to be honest with yourself about your real deep needs.

[Momene]

I think its a culture/generation thing. Most of my friends were virgins when we left uni in 1977 but we'd be laughed at today.

[poloplayer]

So here's my question. I always believed that one could not sleep around bc when you meet the guy you are going to marry they need to feel like that they are special bc the girl does not sleep around, etc. But, no one seems to care. So, do guys really care how many partners?

 

Most men do, but not when they are in the mindframe of having fun. Like the old saying goes, men will want to sleep with as many girls as possible, but once he becomes serious/marriage minded, then he wants the virgin.

[CaptainPlanet]

Cimmie

 

Sex is not easily come by.

 

Personally I do not so much mind how many sexual partners a woman has had it is more the way that she has done it.

[Momene]

Cimmie

 

Sex is not easily come by.

 

 

 

I agree. For most people it isn't.

[angeliamce]

Most men do, but not when they are in the mindframe of having fun. Like the old saying goes, men will want to sleep with as many girls as possible, but once he becomes serious/marriage minded, then he wants the virgin.

 

Well said- Thanks everyone- this isn't for me. One can be with someone and still feel like they are missing something.