The ex's family

[glimmerofhope]

This comes up often, but I haven't seen any conclusive opinions on what constitutes the best course of action.

 

After a break-up, if your ex's family is trying to stay in contact with you, and there is no discussion whatsoever of the ex, is it acceptable if they stay in your life?

 

(Provided, of course, the contact is initiated by them, the contact is minimal, e.g., occasional phone conversations, and there is no discussion whatsoever of the ex.)

[angelmaria]

I think it is ok...as long as you stick by the stipulations you pointed out. I am still friends with the sister and neice of an ex from...geez...5 years ago! But we NEVER talk about him...

[glimmerofhope]

But is it a clear breach of your ex's right to space and time for healing? And are you ruining any chance whatsoever of reconciliation by doing so?

[Snoopy24]

I think it all depends on your relationship with the family.

 

Unless you have a really strong bond with them I would suggest cutting all contact. Just out of respect to your ex. At least for awhile.

[jettison]

This comes up often, but I haven't seen any conclusive opinions on what constitutes the best course of action.

 

After a break-up, if your ex's family is trying to stay in contact with you, and there is no discussion whatsoever of the ex, is it acceptable if they stay in your life?

 

(Provided, of course, the contact is initiated by them, the contact is minimal, e.g., occasional phone conversations, and there is no discussion whatsoever of the ex.)

 

After my ex and I broke up, the ex's family found out I had a new girlfriend. They told me that they missed me very much, and if I ever wanted to come visit that I was also free to bring the new girlfriend as well. I couldn't take them up on the offer because that felt disrespectful to me ex, but I so much appreciated that they put it out there anyway.

 

Also, that same ex invited me to Thanksgiving this year with her and her family. That was such a huge offer. I think I almost have to take them up on it. I love them and her so much. And when I say "I love her", I mean that she is a dear, dear, dear, completely irreplaceable friend who I will always love.

[glimmerofhope]

In my case, I am very close with them. In fact, they're the closest thing to family I have within a couple of thousand miles.

 

But I think you may be right, just the same. I can't move on, and I'm not giving her a chance to, either.

 

Has anyone ever kept contact with the ex's family and found that the ex resented you for it?

[SapphireNoir10]

My boyfriends still friends with his ex girlfriends sister and shes really lovely and nice. Theres no contact with his ex and they dont talk about her so its all good and we all get on. I think its absoloutley fine

[surfjon]

In the 4 months since she left I have not contacted, nor been contacted by, my wifes family.

 

We were together over 20 years and VERY close with her family. Every holiday, weekend, birthday, celebration was with them as I don't have much family in town.

 

I have been embarrassed to contact them, I feel she's made me out to be a bad person to them.

 

She left me, but still calls my freakin moms on the phone, I asked her not to, but she still does and I don't appreciate it. My mom would rather not hear from her but is polite and doesn't show any ill will towards my wife.

 

I have no desire to contact her family, the thread that joined us was our marriage and since that marriage has died, so have the relationships based upon that common thread.

[glimmerofhope]

I think one of my chief concerns here is causing a rift between my ex and her family; and that this, in turn, would further diminish whatever slim chances there might be of a reconciliation down the road.

 

To say the least, her family does not understand my ex's reasons for ending our relationship. In that sense, they have kind of "sided" with me. They still love and support her, but do not understand her course of action. I am not trying to exploit that; quite to the contrary, in fact. Not that I can explain things much better, but I do respect that she has made a decision.

[glegend]

I think its acceptable as long as the ex doesn't mind. My mom keeps in contact with my uncle's ex-wife, mind you they have all known each other for 23 so basically from high school. My uncle doesn't seem to mind, but its not like my mom is calling her everyday, she calls her to say happy birthday and stuff like that.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey GofH - I suppose each case should be judged on its individual merit.

 

If YOU feel that you would be jeopardising your chance / "A" chance with your ex by being in contact with her family, I suspect you have a reason for feeling that way.

 

Do you think she would disapprove?

[glimmerofhope]

An excellent question. The honest answer is that I just don't know. On the one hand, I know space in the relationship was a big issue for her, and letting her family continue to be in my life is probably not on the "how to give your ex space" checklist.

 

At the same time, she knows how close I was with them. She also knows I do not have much of a family of my own to speak of (my parents both passed away many years ago when I was in high school).

[AwdreeHpburn]

well - sounds like she may be reasonable then - and give you whatever she might deem appropriate mourning time - but then......

 

...maybe she'd prefer you move on??

[glimmerofhope]

I think I need to move on in any case. Whatever hope I may have for a reconciliation could only come to fruition when and if I could demonstrate to her that I am an independent person who does not rely on her for my happiness.

 

I guess I'll have to find a way to cut off the contact. God, that's going to be hard. I hope they'll understand where I'm coming from...

[itsallgrand]

I think I need to move on in any case. Whatever hope I may have for a reconciliation could only come to fruition when and if I could demonstrate to her that I am an independent person who does not rely on her for my happiness.

 

Spot on to what I was going to advise, but you came to the conclusion yourself.

 

There is always distancing without "forever good-byes". If they are like family to you, they will be there down the line later on and understand.

 

Haven't you ever noticed that with family or "adoptive families" (i've got one or two of those myself) - it's all the bigger picture. They will be there when you are ready.

 

I think this could be really positive all around.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Totally agree with Itsallgrand. OF COURSE they'll understand and I'd be willing to bet they're half expecting it.