MarkD Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I am not sure how everyone else is doing? but tonight is one of those downer nights for me I have been doing a little better since starting the anti depressants. I still think of her all the time, but tonight is just more then ever. One of my problems is trying to understand what she is thinking, and doing. It is just so difficult to understand how someone can go from loving you so much to just moving on with their lives like you never existed. I know I need to stop trying to understand...but its just one of those things that will go in time. What's been done is done and theres nothing I can do to change it. I guess it just feels good to write this out and see if others are feeling the same way (not that I want others to feel down...but I know there are others out there). Link to comment
kevinm Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 You're only human... no worries, keep your chin up. The more time that passes the easier it will become as you begin to either answer the nagging questions, or they take on a far less important role in your current situation. Link to comment
sandyv Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Mark, I so understand where you a coming from here, also having on of "those nights" and yeah, they sooo totally suck... I keep feeling like I must have done something wrong to deserve this, but I didn't..... Hang in there... xx Sandy Link to comment
backagain Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 dont worry ur not alone im here hurtin wit cha put it this way my man, maybe its better this way.....i mean do u want to be with a chick that switches her mind like how u described? its better now than later right? lets say u guys go out for another 2 yrs....then she breaks up with u then, its gonna be ALOT harder to deal with then lets say now... so keep posting and what i find very helpful is puttin an opinion on other ppl's posts...makes u feel needed when u feel alone chin up bud and MAN UP...(that 1 was for you AND for me lol) good luck Link to comment
MarkD Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 thanks everyone. I just miss her so much... NC is so difficult, but there is NO way I would want to hear about how she is just going on with her life without me. She has been doing all the things that we talked about doing together. I want her to be happy, I just thought she was happy with me Oh well...I will MAN UP!!! and there will be a girl out there for me Link to comment
BuddingLotus Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Mark, I know how you feel. Many times I actually feel strong and okay about things because I know I shouldn't be with someone that could end up disrespecting me and treating me so poorly. I'm not sure if your ex did anything that was very insulting to you, but I know it's still difficult to move on regardless. I wonder about how he could seem to adore me and love me so much, share memories for two years and then act as if I'm suddenly nothing to him. He is already seeing someone else. I wonder if they will do all the things we did and if he ever thinks of me. The worst part for me is not the breakup, but how he treated me during it. As if he could just erase the memories and love we shared even though I was really there for him through a lot. Do they ever miss us? I don't know. All I know is that is has to get easier. We just have to get through these moments, these nights when our hearts ache. Partners that were truly deserving of our love wouldn't want us to be in pain. We can't be so busy looking behind us that we can't see what's ahead. One day we will look back and actually be thankful that we didn't end up with these exes. I try to always have a thought about something in the future that I'm looking forward to and excited about. Whenever I catch myself becoming sad or thinking about my ex too much, I try to immediately switch my thoughts to what I'm looking forward to in the future. I know we can control our thoughts. It's very difficult, but I know it can be done. Maybe that is one of the lessons we are suppose to learn from these painful experiences. Just know you are not alone. There are many, many of us going through the same emotions. You seem like a terrific guy and I'm certain that there is someone far more deserving of your love and attention that will enter your life when the time is right. Link to comment
LauraNYC Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I've been there...in a way I'm there now with another failed relationship. I think when the pain seems to drag out beyond a "reasonable" amount of time it becomes more about habit than anything. I remember when I started to get over the worst break-up ever I began to actually feel sad about not feeling so sick over the break-up. I was sad that I didn't feel as much love for my ex as I did before or pain over the relationship ending. I had gotten over the relationship, now I had to mourn the break-up phase ending! I think our pain becomes so familiar and so much a part of who we are we forget how to live without the pain. I know it seems overly simple but every time you think about your ex, even if it's constant, force yourself to think about something else, something positive, something you're looking forward to. Everytime you lose focus and start thinking about your ex again, catch yourself and again think of something postive. I really do think people can reach a point where they have to make a conscious decision to make a change, stop negative thoughts/behavior/habits and make a determined effort to change. Wake up each morning and choose to be happy. Every time you start feeling depressed, change your mind, choose to be happy. Sometimes there comes a point where you have to take responsibility for your pain and decide to stop hurting and find happiness in what positive things you do have in your life. Link to comment
need2bme Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 It is just so difficult to understand how someone can go from loving you so much to just moving on with their lives like you never existed. I am right there with ya. I try every day to figure out what happened and I blame myself all the time. The hardest part for me is knowing it will be a month broken up this Wednesday. Damn, it doesn't seem that long. I went with some friends of mine to see Monday Night Football and could not concentrate. I kept thinking of her. I had no idea what to even talk about. Because they had pizza there, it made me think of the last time we were at a pizza place and I snapped at her. The kids were making a fuss and she kept telling me something while the waitress would not be quiet, so I finally turned to her and said something like, "ok, I get it, etc." So, why is it that it seems ok and then things seems sad and get worse and why is it that when that happens, we start reliving the blame? Link to comment
Desiderata Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 I've been having one of those nights too, my dear, and I know it's hard to try and stop wondering how they could do what they did. Things are great, then something happens and suddenly it's over. For me there was no warning and it was unexpected, so now when I wonder about it from time to time it's impossible for me to wonder why he did this to me, to us. But that just shows that you aren't that type of person, that you are hurting so much and cannot understand how someone could put that much hurt on someone else they supposedly loved. When we get sad or lonely things just regress back to when we were with them or wondering about them because things used to be wonderful. There is nothing wrong with that but it's okay to recognize your feelings, get through them and just not let them consume you too much. Though for me it's hard because I feel things so deeply sometimes and get stuck in my emotions. But here's to tomorrow, a new day! Link to comment
holden Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hey guys...hang in there, if i can keep it together tonight then I think you all can...Tonight would have been my anniversary with my ex...do i miss her? yha, of course i do, she was my best friend for 2 years...she lived with me and we did everything together, hell we even bought a house together, lol...What can i do to get her back? Nothing,I accept its over and im moving on...Will she ever come back? the question is would i ever take her back, NO!...Do i still care about her? Yes of course, she will always have a piece of my heart and my love for her is unconditional, I wish her happiness and hope she finds what she deserves....I know now that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but believe it can also be the best thing to happen to me...I used to second guess decisions, and had some fear in situations...its gone now, no one can hurt me anymore than that pain i felt when she left...I take more chances now and have no fear! the old me died that day...and the new me was born, the new me is still learning and growing, but it will be a better me! Link to comment
minniegirl Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hey Mark. BIG HUG. I know exactly how you are feeling. Hang in there. It tough, for all of us. Link to comment
Infrared Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Everyone gets those Mark. Your going to have ups and downs for a while longer. But the ups will get higher and the downs shallower. Link to comment
LFG Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 All - Read this article by Susan Elliott from Getting Past Your Past: link removed It's about why it is impossible for us to "understand". It hit me right in the gut and made me feel better. Peace to all, LFG Link to comment
MarkD Posted November 13, 2007 Author Share Posted November 13, 2007 well I thought I was having a bad day/night yesterday but it seemed to get worst today I havn't cried in a while, but I am crying today. I don't really know why, but I am. I think its the constant realization that she is gone and not coming back. Sometimes i feel like I fall back to square one and have not past the denial stage.... Link to comment
need2bme Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Mark: As I posted elsewhere; I actually drove about 30 minutes from my area, to the boardwalk where we had our first date. I sat there in my car and just cried. Sometimes it hits ya. They no longer deserve anything we have for them. Also, they are no longer our responsibility. Why should I STILL let her have part of my heart, when she never wanted it in the first place? Link to comment
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