stuck in relationship limbo

[ratgirl77]

Hi,

 

I am quite frustrated right now, and in need of some opinions/advice on my situation. Exactly two months ago today, my bf of seven years showed up at my house with a letter (he didn't want to tell me what he had to say face to face, cause he said he'd whimp out).

 

His letter pretty much stated that though he loves me, he isn't happy being with me anymore, and he's confused about what it is that he wants out of life.

 

he ends the letter by saying that he wants two months to think, and sort out his feelings about our relationship; and I am not to contact him at all while he is trying to figure out what he wants. He made it clear that this was not a "break-up", that we would not see other people, and he even stated that he hoped he would want to stay with me, cause he really does love me.

 

So it's been two months. He has been visiting some friends in Las Vegas since last month (he mentions doing this in the letter, but says he'll be back to talk to me the first week in November). I broke down and sent him an IM today cause at this point I'm just tired of not knowing what's going to happen. I have kept up my end of the deal and have not had any contact with him until today. He sends me a brief response, stating that he is still in Vegas, but that he's scheduled to come back next week; and that at some point that week he will talk to me.

 

Am I wrong to feel upset about this? I mean I've been pretty much living like a nun these last two months, not having any contact with him, while patiently waiting for the two months to be up so I can move on with my life with or without him. At this point I just want this situation to be over with. So I'm angry to find out that he decided to come back a week later than he originally told me, and I wonder if he was planning on sharing this information with me, had I not sent him an IM asking him about it.

 

I pretty much know at this point that he's going to want to end the relationship. I figure if he was interested in staying with me, then I probably would have heard from him by now, and he wouldn't be taking his time coming back home. So should I even bother waiting another week to talk to him, or should I just move on now?

[volpe]

i agree with the other responder. it is completely selfish of him to tell you not to be with anyone else!!! totally selfish to just have you on a limb. i say screw him and don't even meet with him at all!

 

ugh! that makes me mad and i'm not even you!!

[Kalika]

Wow. I think it's pretty messed up that he just expects you to sit there in limbo for 2 months. Very selfish and self serving. I doubt he's been like a monk this time too. It just doesn't sound right.

[jettison]

No one that loves someone would ever do that to them. I just don't believe they ever would. When I truly love someone, I much more concerned about their feelings then what he's shown you. Plus, he took control on purpose. He took total control and made you submit or go. You were choiceless. This is the act of a one-up who could care less. Worse still? Just the fact that you followed along with his demand means he respects you even less as a partner. That's how that works.

 

You can and should do sooooo much better.

[Tethys]

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I think it was unfair of him to simply give you a letter with his written instructions, with no way for you to respond. He should have talked to you face to face about his need for space and time to think. Then you two could talk about how to proceed next and come to some mutually agreed-upon rules. Instead, he took all control away from you, and you've been hanging there in limbo for two months.

 

I also find it extremely rude to not contact you to let you know he's staying a week longer in LV, esp after you respected his request and he knows you've been waiting all this time.

 

Yes, I agree with you, it's not looking positive, so I would prepare for the worst right now as the first stage of moving on. You should meet with him, though, just to force him to tell you to your face. Don't let him off easy.

[Snoopy24]

I have been in two relationships for 3 years and when i was unsure of the relationships, i gave each one about a month or so and told them it wasn't working out. I would never leave for two months with no contact and tell them to wait for me. That is selfish and heartless.

 

honestly, i may be wrong but it seems he wanted to see if thing were greener on the other side and have you wait for him if they weren't.

 

I know you have been with him for long time, but for him to do this really shows his true character. Say he comes back, and 5, 10..20 years from now he pulls the same crap. You don't want to be with someone like this. You can do so much better and you should.

[annie24]

I think you should have told him at the moment that he gave you the letter was that the "break" would become a real "breakup" and that he was now free to have all the time in the world to think. You were moving on. If he then found out he made a mistake, well, he can go ahead and do some shopping at 1800flowers, godiva, and tiffany's in that order.... and try to win you back.

 

Instead, you've been living like a nun, and he's keeping all his options open in vegas. blah. you should have walked away 2 months ago. I agree with the others, extrememly selfish of him. I would certainly move on now.

 

Think about it - do you really want to be with a man who would leave you without a word for 2 months? isn't that horrible of him? how would you feel if a man did this to your sister or best friend?