A question for women in middle to late 20s

[MarkD]

For women...are the years of middle to late 20s a big deal for you? I mean, are those the years where you want to start making big changes in your life?

[love4life]

I'm just now starting to be decisive with what I want. I think a lot of this stems from the break-up I just had, but I just feel more focused and ready to commit to career and, when he comes along, the right man. I guess I'm feeling like more of a grown-up, lol!

[Vanishing Girl]

For me, this is a time in my life where i am just finishing school (started late), and am just now figuring out what i want to do with my career (oddly not what i went to school for). Additionally, in the last year i have finally come to realize the truth about myself, and am working like mad to change myself for the better. So, yeah for me i'd say this past year i've made many "decisions", and even before that i had just gotten married, bought a house, etc. Short answerA: YES, for me

 

Why do you ask?

[amtjrtcet]

For me yes. Just turned 26 last Sat, it was really really hard for me. I don't know why, I guess b/c my ultimate goal was to be married & possibly have a baby on the way by now. But I'm NO WHERE NEAR that. Careerwise I'm very proud of myself, as well as financially. But as far as relationship wise, yes I'm making changes. Shape up or ship out.

[Aurian]

I think around that age, women are looking more long-term than before. They want to be on the right carrear path. They want to be with the right person. They want to own (or have a big mortgage on!) a home.

[MarkD]

I am asking because I just went through a breakup with my ex who is 27 (28 in April). We were just about to buy a house together and I was about to propose. We had been together for 5 years. We were waiting to find a perfect house and that's what took so long. Plus, I was getting rid of the last of my debt I had. We were both really excited to buy our first home together and we had the EXACT same taste in everything...everything seemed so perfect. After the breakup she said she wanted some time to think about if we were going to work things out. She said there was too much hurt to work things out and said she isn't giving me a second chance.

 

Now, she wants to move from Canada to Florida, and start a new life there. Is she just running away from her old life?

[Kiwi_Sweet]

I'm not there yet? Do I dunno?

 

But I'm sure by that time, I will have a lot of stuff behind me.

[love4life]

For me yes. Just turned 26 last Sat, it was really really hard for me. I don't know why, I guess b/c my ultimate goal was to be married & possibly have a baby on the way by now. But I'm NO WHERE NEAR that. Careerwise I'm very proud of myself, as well as financially. But as far as relationship wise, yes I'm making changes. Shape up or ship out.

 

Sounds like we're on the same page!

 

I know for me I've had a lot of family issues the last few years when my dad died, and trying to cope with my mother's grieving. That's finally past and I feel like I can finally focus on me and get my life straight.

[love4life]

Now, she wants to move from Canada to Florida, and start a new life there. Is she just running away from her old life?

 

I would say she is running away. Not necessarily from you, but from her life in general. If you were together for that long, then she could feel that she missed out on being single in her 20s. This happens to a lot of people - men and women - alike. Why is she so determined to not give your relationship a 2nd chance?

[MarkD]

I wish I knew. She did a full 180. Everyone I talk to can't believe we broke up. her closest friends said "she never said anything about being uphappy". The main reason we had a fight and broke up was because she found a porn site on my computer. I tried to explain that I had no emotional or any other type of attachment to the girls on the site, but she just didn't understand. She also said that sometimes the way I spoke to her really upset her. She never mentioned anything before. It hit me so hard when I finally realized we were broken up. Even during the first "break" period, she was telling me that she wanted to move to Florida but could never do it without me. Also told me she thought I was her soul mate, etc... Then one day, said there was no second chance?????

 

I would say she is running away. Not necessarily from you, but from her life in general. If you were together for that long, then she could feel that she missed out on being single in her 20s. This happens to a lot of people - men and women - alike. Why is she so determined to not give your relationship a 2nd chance?

[Batya33]

My guess is that the "waiting for the perfect house" was an excuse by one or both of you to delay getting engaged- for whatever reason. My parents got married in their early 20s and rented a tiny apartment in a rural area, and none of my friends waited to get engaged until they bought a house. It's not wrong to wait as long as you need to but I think to say it was because you were waiting to buy the perfect house is probably evading the real issue and I bet whatever that issue was relates to her seeming 180 (that is, it wasn't a real change - she had felt that way before but claimed that she was waiting to find the perfect house, as were you).

 

In my middle to late 20s I decided on and went to grad school, moved out of my parent's house, declined a marriage proposal, started my new career. So, yes, there were big changes and I suspect that who I would have chosen to marry back then would not resemble too much who I would choose now.

[beauty21]

I'm 22 and still undecided. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I thank God I was blessed with a good job though. It holds me down for now.

[MarkD]

well it was more me holding us back...she wanted to move out and get on with things more then I did. It took this breakup to kick me in the ass and realize I had to grow up. I realize now how immature I have been acting. I don't take change well atall...and I was holding onto anything that felt confertable. I get really scared when I don't have control over the future..a huge partt of why I am having a very difficult time with this breakup. I had my life planned with my ex and was looking forward to going through things together. Now that I am on my own, I have nobody to lean on and nobody to go through the scary times of buying a home and growing up with. I had posted before on how I have these childlike fears right now. I felt like I could get through anything when I had her at my side...she made me feel so good, and it hurts to think that I didn't do the same for her.

[Batya33]

Then this will be a good way to prove how independent you are. I don't think buying a house is a sign of independence more than paying rent. If you are financially independent that is all that is relevant. Need is a good short term basis for a relationship but once the need disappears so does the relationship. The long term requires two independent people who nevertheless believe that they enhance each others' lives, in my opinion.

 

Good luck.