sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I'm so confused, messed-up etc... My ex so-called bf... says he still loves me apparently, but all he does is cause me grief... Its so hard to let him go, but I want to, just don't know how... How do you get over them, when they won't go away? HELP.... Edit to this post... for you all out there, check out how pathetic I am... he is the reason I came here a year ago, still haven't sorted it out... I hate myself.... Link to comment
HappyAsALark Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Sandy!! You were doing so good though!! Forget him darling. Make him leave you alone and get him out of your life for good! You are giving him the power to cause you grief because you allow him in your life. Don't allow it!!! If he can show he cares about you and respects you then that is one thing, but if he going to continually be the way he is, then tell him to get lost, for good! Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Hey there, don't be so hard on yourself. Your ex is not making it easy for you by staying in contact. I don't know your story, did you dump him or the other way around? Sorry to hear you're hurting, I'm right there with ya Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 Hey there, don't be so hard on yourself. Your ex is not making it easy for you by staying in contact. I don't know your story, did you dump him or the other way around? Sorry to hear you're hurting, I'm right there with ya Thanks confused and IML .... I walked away from him because he had an ex and three kids with her... she was totally bipolar and basically wanted to kill me... no lie... Anyway he came back to me back in April of this year and never really went away totally, wasn't my choice.... I've tried to blow him off ever since... But it isn't working... and I still have feelings for him, which makes things even more complicated... I walked away YET again last night... so thats a good thing, but he KEEPS coming back, and I have trouble saying "good bye".... I know you might not understand, but maybe you can.... I just haven't gotten over the stupid guy, wish I could.... Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 sandy, look at what you typed in your edit in the first post. do you see what he's doing to you? i know your heart has feelings but those will pass if you let them. feel the pain, experience it and then let it go. he's no good for you. you can do it! Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 Thanks Buckdawg, thats what I've been trying to do... but you know... he shows up at my door with little presents and I'm such a wussie I just melt.... If he'd just leave me be I'd be ok... I've even kicked his ass out quite a few times... doesn't stop him from coming back.... Having said the above... he's mad yet again... so maybe this time... Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I'm going through something similar, complicated but I know how hard it is to finally and totally let go, even though I really disrespect him now, I still freakin love him too........Sooooo frustrating. And I've been here over a year going on about the SAME guy. Youre not alone in this and youve been through hell. Keep venting. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 Hey Istillluvyou... hope you are ok... me ... guess thats questionable... We are in a similar situation... I wish I could turn off how I feel, I'm tired of it all.... so I do understand. xxx Sandy Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 No actually I'm doing horrid. I'm in severe anger mode now. I feel stuck and hopeless. I don't understand why Jacka$$ just won't go away? Honestly, what's up? do you guys ever talk about this? Does he want to BE with you? Is he going back and forth w/ ex?? I truly think this is absolutley unfair to you. But in a way we are to blame too, for whtever reason we can't let it go, are we obsessed or possessed by demons,,,,,LOL I have gone over this a million times and can't figure it out. Like I'm sure you feel this has gone on so long it feels like insanity. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 No J is totally single... and has been bugging me every single night... and its not totally his fault... because I've let him... He's angry cause I wouldn't stay at his place last night... I can't cause it doesn't feel right.... so here we go again... Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Are you in counseling at all? It somwhat helps a little, but ena is a great place too. So let me ask Is it because you dont trust him that you dont wanta raltionship with him, or he is being unclear about how he really feels and wont commit?? By the way your post stopped me from writing the most wretched email to my ex tonite. So thanks in an inadvertent way, you saved me from saying Oh shi# later on cause I sent it. Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 both of your ex-whacko's are riddled with insecurities and they're using you guys as their 'safe' zone. unfortunately it'll probably continue until you put your feet down. i'm sorry gals, i know that all these words make perfect sense to you and you already know all of this babble. and once you see them it's like the heart has a mind all it's own. hang in there, you'll get through it. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 Thanks buckdawg... you are certainley a good person to know here... and thanks for that... Its harder than you know however to deal with these guys.... Istillluvu know's what I mean... I know the guy is a jerk... yet ... he won't go away, so how the hell do you get over him eh? Stupid question maybe, but I'm weak I suppose.... And no, I'm not in counselling, I don't think it would help me much at this point.... I'm actually afraid to be analyzed right now... I think maybe its too late... Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Sandy I don't think it's ever too late, Some of us are just way slower to accept reality than others. Probobly cause we really do have good hearts. We just don't use logic, and let our emotions take over our life. This week it is over for us. Unfortunatley I work for him, I will prob be without a job, but I can't go on like this anymore everyday. I've literally lost my soul to this relationship, trying to prove and fix and reconcile........whatever. He just recently did something that made me lose alot of respect for him, and also he's turned into a total jerk lately, of course he blames it all on me, but what's new. I think you and me have definatley lost our identities, and we don't see very clearly much anymore. Something really needs to change!!!!!!! Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 Iluvyoustill... I so hear you, why is everything so unfair...? I lost my soul to J almost 2 years ago, and I've tried to change that, but I can't... But its like they say ... "love take hostages" and its certainley messed me up... I don't know how to pull out of the situation either.. Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Iluvyoustill... I so hear you, why is everything so unfair...? I lost my soul to J almost 2 years ago, and I've tried to change that, but I can't... But its like they say ... "love take hostages" and its certainley messed me up... I don't know how to pull out of the situation either.. you didn't lose it per se. it's still in there. the hard part is finding it again. that's important to remember. you're still in there it's just so painful right now finding you again. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 buckdawg, can I say it? You are amazing... I guess you must have felt the pain, otherwise you could never relate to my silly ramblings right? xxx Sandy Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 I am in a similar situation, and the disconnect between what I KNOW and what I feel is just HUGE. I KNOW I should just let mine go; the other night, by mother asked me if I even really WANT to be with him anymore. My reply was "At this very moment, NO. I am hurt, I am exhausted, I am angry, I am disappointed. But, if you ask me a few weeks from now, I might say something different." Arrrrrrgh. My emotions are all over the place. We only dated for a few months before he said we shouldn't continue to see each other because he was not past his*issues* from a previous relationship. Nearly a year later, here we are, still going back and forth with one another -- him coming on really strong like he wants to be with me and then pulling away. His most recent act was to ask me to go away with him for the weekend, to which I (at the time) gladly said "yes." He was very persistent about it, bugging me to make reservations. So, I did, at a really wonderful place, and I got my hopes up. I thought, "Finally, we're going to get to spend some quality time together." Less than 48 hours later, he told me I needed to cancel the reservations. At first, he made a lame excuse, but I confronted him, and he told me that he didn't think it was a good idea because I want something he can't give me -- a *relationship*. So, we're back at nowhere again, and things are tense. And, we work at the same place, so I can't completely avoid him. It's a mess, really. I know I need to give up. I planned to give up in January, when he first told me he wasn't over his *issues*. I wish I had let it go then; it is so much harder now. Hang in there, Sandy. I've read your posts, and this guy has really been unfair to you. Yes, as you pointed out, you've let him back into your life several times (as I've done with mine), but it is hard not to when you really care for someone. You hang on to little glimmers of hope, no matter how faint they might be. It's a very human thing to do. I'm glad you found the strength to tell him you were not going to spend the night at his place. It's a start, anyway... Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 So true, you have to go through this to have any understanding of it's depth. Link to comment
sandyv Posted October 27, 2007 Author Share Posted October 27, 2007 BrownEyedgirl... I've always sooo admired your posts... thank you for being here for me... means alot you know? Yes, unfortunately being in Love is a KILLER... and there is no easy way to lose that silly emotion is there? No.... ummm no there isn't.... I do get inspiration from people like you though, you are so insightful... and thanks for that... I don't feel so dumb when I see others have done the same things that I have .... I guess we have to figure it out, no easy thing either is it? Well at least I have you guys here, and I'm totally grateful for that.... xxx Sandy Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Browneyedgirl36.......Glimmer of hope sounds so familiar. I work FOR my ex, and am stuck because of where I live and I have never been able to just walk away. We are broken up but there always seemed to be something there, no matter how mad we were. Funny that's what my ex said to me "he can't give me what I want, a relationship" Too much fear that I will hurt him again, had insecurity issues, no cheating. But I have been the most loyal best friend in his life and deep down he knows it. Bit right now I feel like I have been living in limbo land for so long, it's time to come out of it, no matter what pain and problems I have to go through to get there. It's literally making me insane!!!! Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Sandy...I too am glad that there are other people here who are experiencing the same things I am (not that I'd wish this on anyone, but it helps to know I am not the only one -- I feel a lot less alone). I know that feeling of knowing I need to put a stop to this -- and wanting to -- but not wanting to let go of what I once had (or THOUGHT I had, or HOPED to have). I know that we are BOTH taking a step in the right direction by acknowledging that these situations are not good for us and wanting to make a change. The changing is the hard part, of course. I know it takes time. I just don't want to be sitting here a year from now posting about the same guy! Thanks so much, by the way, for your very kind words about my posts. You have helped A LOT of people with your posts as well; you have a way of relating to people in a very compassionate way. That means a lot to people who are hurting and feeling lost. I hope that you, me, and ALL of us in these situations will, someday soon, be able to take the big leap and move forward with our lives. I have confidence that we will. We just have to be patient with ourselves and firm in our resolve to make things better for ourselves. Link to comment
redsuede Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Sandy.. I too have read your posts frequently.. and you do have it in you to let go. Throughout this thread, you have said that you want to move on... you realize who he is.. and that all you need to do is lose that "silly emotion". You can do this. You have to make a bigger pact to yourself of faith that there is happiness beyond your ex. And trust me.. the reward for letting go is sooooo worth it. Start tomorrow. Positively envision your new life without him in it. It works. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 istillluvu06...I know what you mean about there being "something there." No matter what has happened, there is DEFINITELY still "something there" between my ex and me. He has commented on it several times...that there's a *reason* we haven't been able to simply walk away from each other permanently. Sadly, I think that I'm just going to have to walk away. At least for awhile. Maybe someday things will go another way, but for now, there is simply too much confusion, too much back-and-forth, and I want more for myself than that. I feel for you having to work for your ex. Thankfully, I'm just colleagues with mine, so I just run into him in the halls, but it's still a pain to have to see him. I can't help thinking that this whole thing would be a lot easier if we didn't run into each other at work -- the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Hang in there. As crappy as I'm feeling now, I KNOW it won't be this way forever. As I mentioned in my post to Sandy, feeling like crap and acknowledging that the situation needs to change is the first step toward making that change. It will be a painful one, and it won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Link to comment
istillluvu06 Posted October 27, 2007 Share Posted October 27, 2007 Thanks for the uplifting, It's crazy how many of us women are in the same situation. Link to comment
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